Here To Serve, Not Serviette

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

Patron: “Could I get some napkins?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patron: *sighs* “Napkins! Where are your napkins?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any napkins”.

Patron: “What?! Why not?”

Me: “Because we’re a library…”

(Our library does not sell food or have any reason to offer napkins.)

Coupon And On And On

| Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a children’s clothing store. A customer comes in with her daughter and wants a jacket, so I process it. She then gives me a coupon printed off for 25% off. Members can get coupons in e-mails so this is normal. I scan it in to discover that number has been used already.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This coupon has been used already.”

Customer: “Yeah. I used one at your other store.”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but they should have taken it from you at the other store. We can only accept a coupon once.”

Customer: “Yes, I printed it out again. It said I can use it all weekend!”

(I had to hold back laughter because I glanced at her daughter and she just gave me this look that said ‘I’m so sorry’ as I explained that the sale was for the weekend only but it’s one coupon per customer. I never believed people would actually do that until today.)

Good Customer Service Is Saving The Girl

, | ON, Canada | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working the cash register at a fast food restaurant when a girl no older than 15 comes up to order.)

Girl #1: “I’ll have a number three with a [Soda], please.”

Me: “Sure. Will that be everything?”

Girl #1: “Umm… no, actually. I think I was followed here. If you see some girls come in and bother me, can you ask them to leave?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

(The girl takes her food over to the only table where she can be easily seen by all of the front counter staff, and she takes out some homework. Less than five minutes later, three girls come in, go straight to Girl #1’s table, and start talking to her. In the 30 seconds it takes to ask my manager for permission to kick the group out, Girl #1 has started crying.)

Me: *to the group* “You guys are harassing this girl. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Girl #2: “It’s okay. We know her.”

Me: “No, it’s not okay. You can’t be harassing paying customers.”

Girl #2: “We can buy something. We’ll be paying customers, too.”

Me: “Too late. I won’t just stand back and watch while you harass this girl. If you don’t leave right now, security will be called and you’ll be banned from the property.”

(As our restaurant was located in a mall parking lot, being banned from the property also meant being banned from the mall, so they left pretty quickly with no more argument. Since Girl #1 was still extremely upset, my manager let me give her a free milkshake and sit with her for a bit until she calmed down.)

Me: “So, what was that all about? Do you know those girls?”

Girl #1: “They go to school with me. I live in a group home. Ever since they found out, they’ve been following me around and making fun of me for it. I’ve been looking for a quiet place to do my homework for weeks. I can’t do it at the home; it’s too noisy, and I get no privacy there. And I’ve been to a few different coffee shops, and restaurants, and even the library, but they follow me everywhere, and no one has ever kicked them out, because they’re never loud or disruptive. This is the first place to help me.”

(I let Girl #1 get back to her homework. After that, she came in a few times a week to do homework. I let the managers and other staff know of her situation, so there was always someone there for Girl #1 to talk to or someone to threaten the bullies with banishment from the mall if they ever came back, which they didn’t.)

Demanding And Stupid In The Same Breath

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Top

(We’re a bookstore, but we also sell some smaller toys from a popular company known for their hand-crafted products. I’m covering the register on a slow night. A customer I rang out a few minutes earlier who bought a $3 wooden kazoo comes storming back into the store. Another customer reaches the register at about the same time, but holds back when she sees how angry the other woman is.)

Customer #1: “Why’d you tell my son he couldn’t return this kazoo? It’s defective!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. He just asked if he could get his money back, and I told him we couldn’t take it because it was opened already. It’s defective?”

(I pick up the wooden kazoo that she’s slammed on the counter hold it near my mouth, and hum. It makes a kazoo noise.)

Me: “Oh, maybe your son doesn’t know how it works. You have to hum into it, not blow like a whistle. Seems fine.”

Customer #1: “What? I didn’t hear anything! It’s defective! I want my money back!”

(I hold the kazoo near my lips again and hum louder. It makes a louder kazoo noise.)

Me: “See? That’s what it’s supposed to do. You hum, and it makes that noise.”

(I set it down in front of her, thinking the problem is solved.)

Customer #1: “No way! I’m not taking that out of the store now! You’ve contaminated it with your breath! It has all your germs in it. Give me my money back!”

Me: “Really?”

(The woman tries to stare me down.)

Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, you don’t blow into a kazoo. You hum. You can’t hum with your mouth open. None of my breath went into the kazoo.”

(I demonstrate a humming noise without the kazoo, showing her my lips are firmly pressed closed.)

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! I’ve bought hundreds of things from here that were all defective, and I’ve never bothered to return them before. I just threw them away. Now, you won’t even take back this broken kazoo?”

Me: “But, it’s not broken, remember? And I didn’t breathe in it, either. I’m not sure exactly what your complaint is at this point.”

Customer #1: “That’s it! I want to talk to your store manager.”

Me: “That would be me.”

Customer #1: “Fine! Then I want to talk to a district manager! Is he here?”

Me: “Yes. And he’s also me.”

Customer #2: “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot! You haven’t heard the last of me!”

(The woman snatches up her kazoo from the counter and runs out of the store. I turn to the other woman who’s been waiting patiently.)

Me: “I’m sorry you had to be here for that uncomfortable situation.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I don’t mind. That was pretty entertaining. I think you may have created a super-villain.”

(Ten minutes later, one of my managers from another store location calls me, laughing.)

Coworker: “Um, apparently, I’m supposed to fire you. Some crazy lady just called to tell me that you threw a kazoo at her?”

It’s Scary What They Want Refunds For

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(A woman walks into our haunted house with her 10-year-old son, buying admission for the two of them. After she comes out, she storms over to me, a look of anger on her face.)

Customer: “Refund. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see by this sign, we have a strict ‘No Refund’ policy.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want my money back, and I want it now! I want to speak with the manager of this place.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, then you can give me a refund.”

Me: “Before we take this any further, I’d like to know why you want a refund.”

Customer: “Do you have any idea how bad this place scared my child? He was terrified!”

Me: “Well, in that case, I certainly cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “You see, ma’am, this is a haunted house. Our job here is to scare and frighten everyone who comes in here. You said you son was scared when he went in. Then you got what you paid for.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would scare him THAT bad!”

Me: “Then we’ve exceeded expectations.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You scared a little ten year old boy to death!”

Me: “As I stated, that is our job. It is up to the family of children to decide whether the child should go in or not.”

Customer: “I think it would be up to the workers here to not scare a child who’s coming through!”

Me: “Then they wouldn’t be doing their job, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, I can’t get a refund?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “You should change the policy about refunds, then.”

Me: “I have no power to do that. I’m the manager, but not the owner. And he has told us that if we were to give out refunds, we would have no profit, because people would abuse the refunds right. This is why we can’t do it.”

Customer: “No refund?”

Me: “No refund, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, then I’m NEVER coming back to this place ever again!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The woman looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before she briskly walked away, murmuring something to herself.)

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