Doesn’t Have The Laws Of Physics In The Bag

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I am getting in line at security in the airport. In front of me is a middle-aged lady reading the sign stating that the TSA does not allow any bottles of liquid larger than three ounces through security. Underneath the sign is a box of quart-sized plastic bags. She has a plastic bag in one hand and a large drink bottle in the other hand. I watch her look between the plastic bag and the large bottle. She puts the large bottle in the quart sized plastic bag so that over half of it is sticking out and puts the whole thing into her backpack. My travel instincts kick in and quickly walk to get ahead of her in the security line. Sure enough, as I am packing my stuff up outside of security I hear her screaming.)

Lady: “But it’s in the bag! It should be fine! I put it in the bag.”

TSA Agent: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work that way!”

Lady: “I PUT IT IN THE BAG!”

(Apparently in her mind a quart sized plastic bag makes a 16 ounce drink magically become less than three ounces!)

A Win Fail

, | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(We’re currently running a promo.)

Me: “With a meal deal you get this offer. You can enter the code online and see if you win concert tickets at Red Rocks.”

Customer: “Whoa. So, how does this work?”

Me: “You can go to the website written on the card and enter the code to see if you can win concert tickets.”

Customer: “So I go to a website and enter a code?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So… what happens if I DON’T win?”

Me: “Then you don’t win the concert tickets.”

Customer: “Isn’t there a consolation prize?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What kind of contest is this? I’m not guaranteed to win concert tickets?”

Me: “A raffle.”

Customer: “What’s a raffle?”

(We are inside a university, as well…)

Cannot Be Tailored To His Demands

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Money

(I own a tailor shop. I typically ask customers if one week service is okay with them. This is because I am all alone here and need the time. Most are fine with it but some need things sooner. This is okay provided I have time available on whatever day. However, if they want it same day or next day, there is an upcharge since I have to stop anything else I am doing and let them jump the queue. My permanent special is on regular jean hems since they are the fastest hem to do. A customer walks in with two pairs of pants with fancy stitching on the hems and a bit of intentional distressing of the fabric.)

Customer: “I want to get these both hemmed, but do you do the kind of hem where I get to keep this look at the bottom?”

Me: “A European style hem? Yes, I do those.”

(I take his information and measurements for the receipt and enter the jobs into the computer.)

Me: “Now, is next Saturday okay for you?”

Customer: *eyes bulge out of his face* “That long?! Really?”

Me: “It is just what I like to ask for. I might be able to get them done sooner, though. What day would you like them done?”

Customer: “Well, I am going to Vancouver on Tuesday, so…”

Me: “If you aren’t leaving until later on Tuesday, I can have them ready for 9:30 pickup or, if you are willing to pay the urgent fee, I can have them ready tomorrow. I am closed Sunday and Monday.”

Customer: *sounding impatient* “How much?”

Me: *looking at the computer* “[Amount] for Tuesday or [amount +$10] for tomorrow.”

Customer: *eyes stick out even more* “HOW MUCH?! But I came here because your sign outside says two for [amount which is half of the Tuesday price I quoted], and that is why I came here! That is false advertising!”

Me: “I am sorry for the misunderstanding, but that price is for our basic hem, which is where I cut the pant and sew a new hem. It takes one machine and is an easy hem. It has an absolute turn around time of one week which is why it is a special price. The hem you want is more of a ‘deluxe’ hem and takes all three of my machines and more time, plus you want it sooner than one week.”

Customer: “I don’t see why you need a week! You just need to cut it and sew! It would take a few seconds!”

Me: “Regular hems don’t take long, but you don’t want that kind. Euros take longer, but not that long. The issue is that there are many people ahead of you and their work comes first. That is why if you want to skip the line, you have to pay a little extra.”

Customer: *looking very disgruntled* “Well, the place in the mall will do it for [30% less than my regular euro price] AND they gave me a 10% off card to use!”

Me: *knowing for a fact that the place in the mall charges a little less than twice what I do and doesn’t do a good job at all* “Well, that sounds like an excellent deal, sir. You’d better get there before they close, then. I am sorry I couldn’t help you today. Let me just get the pins out of these pants for you.” *does so* “Sorry again, but have a great weekend!”

(The customer grabbed his jeans and left, still grumbling.)

Not Quite Ringing True

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I have brought my friend into the hospital.)

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Friend: “I think I inhaled my nose ring…”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Doctor: “Do you think you swallowed it?”

Friend: “Uhm, yes. But I also feel a lump at the back of my throat…”

Doctor: *does examination* “Okay, I can’t see anything but I’ll send you for an x-ray. When did this happen?”

Friend: “Three days ago.”

Doctor: “So you waited three days to get checked out when you thought you had a piece of metal stuck in your throat, yet you’re breathing, eating, and drinking fine for those three days?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Doctor: “Okay, I’ll send you for an x-ray.”

(Not surprisingly, the x-ray came back clear and almost everyone was trying to hold in their laughter!)

5 Stories Of Scottish Service Disasters

Not Always Right | Roundups

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of iPhone Insanity The Scottish want independence from the UK, and the rest of us want independence from their crazy customers!

  1. Not Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown (4,466 thumbs up)
  2. Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Maps (3,699 thumbs up)
  3. No Vocation For Location, Part 5 (2,013 thumbs up)
  4. Kids Love To Wise-Crack (2,185 thumbs up)
  5. Mr. Anal And Mrs. Retentive Go To Scotland (1,461 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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