A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

| NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work in the beauty department.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

(There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

(The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

And The Children Shall Lead

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I am cleaning off my register, when I hear two customers arguing in my line.)

Customer #1: “I was here first!”

Customer #2: “No, I was!”

Customer #1: “I WAS! I was here literally five seconds before you, b****! It’s my turn!”

(Customer #2 rams her cart into Customer #1’s and gets ahead.)

Customer #2: “I win!”

(Customer #1 flips her off and goes to the next lane. I’m not really sure what to do, so I just start ringing up her groceries.)

Me: “And how are you today?”

Customer #2: “Oh, just fine! Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line? I mean really!”

No ID, No Idea, Part 12

| Rapid City, SD, USA | Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a water park about 20 minutes from Mt. Rushmore, so we have a lot of tourism. We have a gift shop that also allows you to rent towels and lifejackets. In order to rent, you must keep your ID with us. This is so you can remember to return items rented. A tour bus pulls up with a group from the local reservation, as well as a family from another state.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Hi, I want to rent four towels and a lifejacket for my daughter please.”

Me: “Certainly! Let me get your daughter in this jacket, and it will $27 with $11 as the deposit. We also need to hold your ID until we get these back.”

Tour Bus Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(The tour bus customer yells to his wife to give him his wallet and hands me cash and his ID. This goes on for another few groups from the bus, and finally the group from another state is left.)

Out-of-state Customer: “My family needs three towels.”

Me: “Sure! It will be $15 with $6 deposit, and your ID, sir.”

Out-of-state Customer: “What?! I most certainly will not! Your sign says $3 for rentals, and you will not have my ID, because that’s how identity theft happens.”

Me: “I could understand your concern, but I do not touch the IDs. They stay in this little safe under the counter to prevent that. I only open it to retrieve the IDs. As for the rentals, it does say $3, but there is an additional $2 deposit. I guarantee you your money back; the ID is just something to make you remember to bring our stuff back. If you truly are concerned, I could have my manager hold it, or I’ll make an exception and you could leave $20 and still get $11 back.”

Out-of-state Customer: “I most certainly will not do either. I expect to pay $9 and no higher. And my ID stays with me.”

Me: “I understand, really. But your ID is safe, and you have to pay a deposit or I can’t rent to you.”

Out-of-state Customer: “I will do no such thing!”

(At this point, the out-of-state customer is starting to get angry, and is sliding things from the counter to the floor.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Listen, sir, your ID is safe with the lady, and if you continue to disrespect her, you will be forced out off the area and banned from any lands around.”

(The out-of-state customer turns to face the tour bus customer, who stands at 6’6″, about 275 lbs, and all muscle. Luckily, I know him, as he is my uncle’s best friend.)

Out-of-state Customer: *stammers* “Uh, fine.”

(The out-of-state customer throws in the cash and his ID, and takes off into the park.)

Tour Bus Customer: “Let me know if he gives you any more trouble today.”

(Thankfully, I think the out-of-state customer was scared straight, as his daughter came back only for the ID, and told me to keep the deposit as a tip!)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 11
No ID, No Idea, Part 10
No ID, No Idea, Part 9

A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

| Waterbury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

(I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

Customer: “Your manager, then.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

(The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

Customer: “No one asked you!”

Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.'”

Customer: “That isn’t real.”

Me: “Google it.”

(The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

(I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

(The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

(Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

Cashier: “Really?”

Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

(The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

A Large Intelligence Gulf (Of Mexico)

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “So, where are you located?”

Me: “In Orlando, Florida.”

Customer: “Ugh! I’m sick of all you foreigners taking jobs from us hard-working Americans!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am an American citizen. Florida is a state in America. Everyone who works in this call center is American.”

Customer: “I’m not stupid! I know Florida is in Mexico! I want to talk to an AMERICAN!”