Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 3

| Panama Beach, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion

(I’m currently stocking food in the aisle, stacking some ramen noodles on the cart. I’m a born American of Islamic parents. I’m also Catholic. A customer approaches me with a security guard.)

Customer: “See! He’s putting up square packages. They’re bombs! He’s going to blow up this store and kill us all to appease Muhammad!”

(The guard looks at her like she’s an idiot.)

Guard: “Ma’am, I hardly think that just because he’s doing his job he’s goin—”

Customer: “No, his kind are all evil! The Lord is my shepherd and his is false!”

(I’ve been trying to ignore her but finally get fed up. I stand up and walk over towards her, crossing my arms.)

Me: “Being born of an Islamic family does not make me a member of the Islamic faith nor any more likely to inflict violence than anyone else with a proper upbringing. Furthermore, I’m Catholic so your bigoted claims that I’m doing something malicious in the process of doing my job are completely irrelevant and unfounded. Furthermore, by trying to use your religion as a cover for your irrational hatred of those who are different on you, I have no doubts that the Holiest is looking down on you right now with sorrow and contempt, and preparing you a special place in Hell for using his word to justify your hatred.”

(The customer tries to sputter out a response but it’s clear she can’t find the words. I watch as her face turns red like she’s about to throw a tantrum, but she just stomps off instead, leaving me and the security guard standing there. I’m calming down and realize I shouted pretty much all of that, and there are people staring at me.)

Me: “Well, that came out of nowhere.”

Guard: “Dude, that was awesome! You shut her down cold.”

(The customers who had walked over to see the commotion applauded me and defended me when my manager came to write me up for telling off a customer. I found out the next week that the woman had to be arrested after she made similar racist and untrue claims about a Japanese exchange student that was working in the deli, and threatened violence on him.)

Related:
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 2
Our Great DiscrimiNation

In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You

| Bronx, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Language & Words

(The phone rings.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Pizza… Oh, f***, not again.”

(She hangs up. A few customers come and go, and the phone rings again.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Piz— f*** this!”

Customer: “Hey, lady, problem with the phone?”

Cashier: “Some sicko keeps calling from a blocked number and making creepy comments.”

Customer: “Hang on. I gotta go find my friend.”

(He pays and leaves… and comes back with a 6’8″ NYPD police officer.)

Police Officer: *with a minor Russian accent* “I hear you’re having a problem with a caller?”

Customer: “No, no. Do the accent! Make it f***in’ scary!”

Police Officer: *in a deeper voice with a thick accent* “Excuse me. I hear you have problem with caller?”

(The cashier explains. The police officer orders a slice of pizza, and he and his friend sit and chat for a few minutes. Then the phone rings.)

Cashier: “It’s a blocked number!”

Police Officer: *on the phone, with the accent* “Hello…. You are thinking my body is what? I am thinking your body probably very fragile. Very easy to— Oh, he hung up.”

(They stare at the phone a few minutes.)

Customer: “Problem solved?”

Cashier: *to customer* “So… is your buddy there single?”

Police Officer: *in accent* “Boris have many women. All are love him!”

Customer: “You’re married and your name isn’t Boris!”

Police Officer: “Boris is name of accent. Has life of its own.”

See this story as a comic!

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

| Lewiston, ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(Working at a telesales company, I sold credit cards to people who wanted them.)

Me: “So, I need your total annual income. What is it?”

Customer: “$1200.”

Me: “That’s… $1200 annually?”

Customer: “Yup!”

Me: “And…. now I need to know how much you pay for rent or mortgage each month.”

Customer: “$500 a month.”

(We go through the rest of the call rather well. At the end of the application we can usually see if they are approved or not. In this case they were not approved, so this is the rest of the conversation.)

Me: “I’m sorry but you weren’t approved.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “Well… it’s probably because you pay more in rent or mortgage in three months than you make in a year.”

Customer: “No, I don’t! I make $1200 each month!”

Me: “Oh! So you meant that $1200 was MONTHLY and not ANNUALLY?”

Customer: “What does annually mean?”

Me: “It means yearly. How much you make a year.”

(The customer hung up. They were too stupid to be trusted with a credit card anyway.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

Wrapped Your Hair Up In A Bun

| MN, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

(I work at a burger place that is known for their burgers but also for their frozen custard. A lady comes in with her husband who both seem to be in their late 30s. They order three separate orders: one order for her meal, which was just a burger and fries; another order of his meal that consisted of just a grilled sandwich; and the last order of two large blended frozen custard that both had some sort of candies mixed in. I’m doing my round of asking every customer how their nights are and how’s the food when I get to this customer.)

Me: “Hello! How are you two doing tonight?”

Customer: “We are actually not doing okay! My husband found a hair in his sandwich!”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Let me get you a new one of those!”

Customer: “While you’re at it, get me your manager over here right now! This is unacceptable!”

(I grab the sandwich to show the kitchen crew and to remake the sandwich and notice that the hair is blonde and all of us that are working are brunettes. I grab my manager to go talk to her and mention that I found blonde hair in it. All the while the husband still hasn’t said anything, which is odd considering it is his sandwich. I’m bringing out the remake of his sandwich and hear the rest of the argument between the blonde lady and my manager.)

Manager: “Was there anything wrong with your meal, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Manager: “Then, I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot refund you for your meal. There was nothing wrong with it, especially considering you ate most of it. I also cannot refund you for either of your large desserts. Just because you leave a fifth of both your desserts un-eaten and claim that they tasted horrible and that’s why you didn’t finish it doesn’t mean you would get a refund. I wouldn’t have even taken another bite if it was as horrible as you described. I’m only allowed to refund the sandwich, even when I have a staff full of only brunettes.”

(As the blonde lady was about to say something, her husband speaks up.)

Husband: “No. I know what you’re thinking. We are leaving.”

(Her husband drags her out of the restaurant, taking his sandwich and leaving behind the refund.)

Husband: “That was ridiculous and a waste of time just so you could save a couple of bucks. I don’t know why you couldn’t have just used your burger and just let me eat mine in peace.”

Closed To Fake Customers

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(Our store closes at 6 pm. It’s 6:20 and I’m standing by the front doors, waiting to lock up, while my coworker cashes out the last few customers at the store. While I’m eager to get home, I’m usually sympathetic when someone wants to grab something quickly. A woman walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hi, are you guys closing?”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve actually been closed for about 20 minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted to go in.”

Me: “Well, if you know what you want you can rush in and grab it.”

Customer: *very bright and chipper* “Well, I wasn’t going to buy anything. I just wanted to look around.”

Me: “Sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “So you’re not going to let me in?”

Me:“Um, no.”

Customer: “That’s not very good customer service.”

Me: “Well, that would be because you’re not a real customer.”

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