Lack Of Touching Sentiment

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am working on the teller line when a customer comes into the lobby. He smells like he hasn’t bathed all week, and his hands are filthy. Also, our bank requires customers who don’t have an account with us to put a thumbprint on the front of any checks they cash. This is a fairly common procedure at many banks.)

Customer: “I’d like to cash this check.”

Me: “Okay, if I could just get your thumbprint on the check…” *holds out ink pad*

Customer: *raising his hands and backing away* “I am NOT touching THAT. I don’t know where it’s been. It could have Ebola. I gotta protect myself.”

Me: “You do realize the cash you are getting has been more places than this ink pad has right?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t have any idea who’s been touching that pad. They could’ve picked their nose and then touched it for all I know.”

(I count out his cash, and right before he leaves he grabs a pen off the counter, that EVERY SINGLE other customer has touched, and says:)

Customer: “Is it okay if I take this?”

A Pulled-Teeth Burger

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a cook at a diner with an open kitchen, but because we work with a skeleton crew, I often step onto the floor to help take orders. Today I stepped in to take an order for a man who came in alone.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

(The customer doesn’t respond, and continues staring at the menu. After a few seconds, I continue.)

Me: “Can I start you off with anything to drink today?”

Customer: “Burger with fried onions and French fries!”

Me: “And would you like anything to drink with that?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “Of course! A [Soda]!”

(I proceed to enter and cook his order. After finishing his meal, the customer calls me over again.)

Customer: “I’d like you to start that burger for my wife!”

(No one had mentioned any burger to me, or the server.)

Me: “Ummm, sure! What would she like on it?”

(Customer stares at me again like I’m an idiot.)

Customer: “You figure it out! You’re the d*** cook!”

(It took me a few moments to comprehend what had just occurred. I was somehow, in my infinite capacity as a diner cook, to know what someone whom I’ve never met before wanted on their burger, and that I was at fault for not being able to do so. Utterly bewildered, I went back to the kitchen and called the server over.)

Me: “Listen, I have no idea what’s going on, but the guy at B4 just placed a burger order for his wife, but won’t tell me what to put on it. Can you please find out?”

(The server comes back almost ten minutes later, during which I had to take the remaining customers orders while cooking.)

Server: “That was like pulling f****** teeth! Apparently she wants fried onions and mushrooms on it, no cheese.”

Me: “What side?”

(Server gets a look of horror on her face and looks over at the customer. She had forgotten to ask.)

Server: “She wants fries. Give her fries.”

Day-Careless

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money

(I run a daycare for folks around my town. On this particular day one of them calls me up saying they’ve run into some financial troubles and won’t be able to pay me this week. After crunching some numbers I decide I can take the hit to my budget and tell them I’ll still look after their child. The next week I add the amount they owe to their total when they come to pay me for my services.)

Mother: “Hey, why is the fee double what it usually is?”

Me: “You weren’t able to pay last week as you said, so I added what you owe to this week’s total.”

Mother: “What I owe? I said I wasn’t able to pay that!”

Me: “Well, now you can.”

Mother: “Uh, no, no that’s wrong. I pay you [total] per week to watch my child and that’s it! If I can’t pay one week that’s just how it goes.”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, if that were the case I wouldn’t be able to stay in business. You wished to make use of my service; I need you to pay for it.”

Mother: “And so I am. The same amount I pay every week and nothing more! I run my own business, too, and I know that if you want to hang onto a customer you should learn to respect when they are having problems and not bleed them dry!”

Me: “Be that as it may, you still owe me for last week.”

Mother: “NO, I DON’T! Now go get my son for me and stop being so rude!”

(After she leaves I take a few hours to cool down and think over what to do about this. Finally I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name] again. Just wanted to let you know that I thought over what you said and decided that if you aren’t going to pay for me watching your child then don’t bother bringing him to the daycare anymore.”

Mother: “WHAT!? No, you have to look after him! I’ll be terribly inconvenienced if you don’t!”

Me: “Too bad. I have a business to run. too, and I can’t keep it going if the customer expects me to work for free. If you aren’t going to pay what you owe for the services rendered then you’re going to have to find someone else to watch your son.”

Mother: “How dare you! This is going to terrible inconvenience me! Do you know how much the other places charge in this town!? You can’t do this! You can’t—”

(I hung up while she was still screaming. She still turned up the next day demanding I watch her kid, then left when I refused, screaming some more about how unprofessional I was and how I just lost a good customer.)