Giving You A (Prison) Break

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”

(There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”

(The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)

Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”

Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”

(He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)

Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”

(Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)

Customer #2: “GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE!”

(The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)

Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”

Me: “I-I-I, um…”

Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”

Me: “Uh, you, um…”

Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”

Having A ‘Hey’ Day

| MN, USA | Awesome Workers, Funny Names

(I work in a store that sells various parts for various machines. It’s a policy/allowance that customers can bring in items that need a replacement to help us better identify what they are looking for at the store. This particular customer brings in an item I’ve never seen before.)

Customer #1: “Hello, can you help me find a replacement part for this?”

Me: “I can definitely try; do you know what it is?”

Customer #1: “Yes, it’s a fuel tank cap.”

Me: *after looking through the book to see if we have anything like it* “I’m afraid we don’t sell that in our store, but we can order it for you special if you’d like.”

(The customer now turns extremely rude.)

Customer #1: “You know what, I’m just gonna go find a store that actually sells what they say they are going to sell, and actually has it in stock. Okay, missy?”

(She turns to walk away, and I go to finish a task I had started.)

Customer #1: “Hey! Hey you in the shirt!”

(I turn around to see the customer who had the tank cap is talking to me again.)

Customer #1: “Hey, my husband needs help here.”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer #2: “Yea, I’m looking for [spray] for my cattle.”

(I lead him to the aisle that has the items he is looking for.)

Me: “Is that it for you, sir?”

Customer #2: “Yes, thank you.”

Customer #1: *under her breath* “At least she found what HE was looking for!”

(I start to walk away again when I hear shouting from the same customer.)

Customer #1: “Hey, HEY YOU! MY HUSBAND HAS A QUESTION!”

(I go and help Customer #2, with Customer #1 making very rude comments about my service to her. Finally, I turn and face her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I would love to help you order that part you are looking for; however, I will have to wait until you are not negatively commenting every move I make. I am very sorry we did not have the part you wanted in the store, but I offered you another option which you clearly stated was not in your interest. If you change your mind, I will be down aisle four. Have a nice day.”

(I start walking away now, being the husband is done.)

Customer #1: “Hey—”

Me: “My name is not ‘Hey,’ and I would like it very much if you referred to me properly, as I have with you. If you do have any more questions, I will be down aisle four.”

(I never did get a complaint.)

Taking Out The Trashy Customers

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(My coworker and I are working a local business’s outdoor party. We’re both tiny college girls, barely over 5’2″. Our job is to walk discreetly through the grounds, sweeping, emptying garbage cans, cleaning bathrooms, and keeping things looking nice. My shift started a couple hours later than hers.)

Coworker: *runs up and hugs me* “I’m so glad you’re here! Some guy has been following me around and giving me this… look.”

Me: “Look?”

Coworker: “There he is!”

(A rather creepy-looking man in his mid-thirties passes us. As he walks by, his eyes slowly travel all the way down my co-worker’s body, then back up just as slowly. A smile that is not at all friendly spreads across his face.)

Me: “Oh.”

Coworker: “I know we’re supposed to split up, but can we please work together tonight?”

(We work as a pair, and I don’t see him again for the rest of the event. After everyone leaves, I begin sweeping and she starts cleaning tables. A few minutes later, I glance over and see the man has magically reappeared and cornered her against a table. She’s frantically trying to catch my eye over his shoulder. I do the first thing I can think of.)

Me: *rushes over, waving my dustpan and shouting in as deep a voice as I can muster* “HEEEEEY, [COWORKER]! LOOK AT ALL THIS GARBAGE! I SURE NEED A GARBAGE CAAAAAAAAN!”

(The man jumped in surprise, realized there are still other people around, and hastily left. I’m so glad it worked, but man, I really wish I’d thought up something far more intimidating and heroic to yell!)