Half Agreeing To Half And Half

| Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

Waiter: “We have half and half.”

Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

Mom: “That works for me.”

Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

| KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

(I’m the customer in this situation:)

Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

Staff Member: “…”

Me: “Sorry.”

Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

Unable To Make Contact

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work in the IT Help Desk of a university.)

Caller: “I’m calling about the homepage for the university.”

Me: “Okay…”

Caller: “It’s terrible! I can’t see any contact information on the page at all!”

Me: “Is it [website URL]?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I’m not on that site now!”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me the URL to the site you’re having this issue with?”

Caller: “No! Your homepage doesn’t have any contact information! It’s terrible!”

Me: “Well, I’m on the [website URL], which is what our homepage is, and there is contact information at the bottom of the page.”

Caller: “That’s not good enough! You don’t have contact information on the page!”

Me: “Yes, we do. It’s at the bottom of the page.”

Caller: “Well, I’m a Harvard graduate and as an educated person, I didn’t think to look down there, so obviously the page is terrible.”

Me: “Okay, well, at the bottom of the page-”

Caller: “You’re telling me there’s the information there but I didn’t see it?!”

Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it has a place to comment on the page. If you click-”

Caller: “I’m telling you about this!”

Me: “Okay, but I don’t run the website. So, if you click-”

Caller: “This is a business call! I will never call again! I’m just trying to tell you the website sucks!”

Me: “Well, thanks for letting us know. Have a great day.”

Tried Explaining Until The Cows Came Home

| Santa Monica, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

Customer: “What type of leather is this bag made from?”

Coworker: “It’s made of cow.”

Customer: “What’s a cow?”

(My coworker tries to hide his general shock at this question.)

Coworker: “You know the black and white spotted animal? It lives on a farm?”

Customer: *shakes her head* “I don’t know.”

Coworker: “Where do we get our milk from?”

Customer: *shakes her head again* “I don’t know.”

(My coworker stopped short of actually mooing like a cow.)

Blood Type Z-Negative

| Orange County, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(We carry liquid candy blood packs at our novelty shop. One looks like a regular blood IV bag and the other is green and is called ‘zombie blood.’ A customer comes up to the counter with a worried look and points to the zombie blood.)

Customer: “Is this REAL?”

Page 917/2,995First...915916917918919...Last