The New Job Is Very Loki

| Oneonta, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I have been working at the store for a few months. I haven’t had the funds for a haircut, thus my hair is fairly long. I also am sporting a full beard. A couple and their young son come to my register and I ring them up.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

Child: *who has been staring at me* “Um… excuse me…”

Me: “Yes?”

Child: “Are you Thor?”

Me: *trying not to crack* “Yes, son, I am. I’m actually on an undercover mission from my father, Odin, hunting for Loki. He may be in disguise. Let me know if you see him, all right?”

Child: “YES, I WILL! WOW! WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE AT SCHOOL I MET THOR!”

(It was the highlight of that job. I kept the Thor voice the whole time and his parents gave me the most grateful smiles!)

The Right Wine Or The White Wine

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the wine department of a small grocery store. We will sometimes get customers with very little wine knowledge.)

Customer: *holding up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a red wine* “Is this a white wine?”

Me: “That’s a red wine, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, that is a red wine.”

Customer:” So, it’s a white wine?”

Me: “No, ma’am, all Cabernet Sauvignon wines are RED wines.”

(Customer turned and headed to our registers, with the bottle of Cabernet. I hope she did not need a white wine.)

Double-Layered Satisfaction

| IL, Chicago, USA | Bizarre

(I see a customer, who I helped on the floor, leaving the fitting room.)

Me: “How did the pants work for you?”

Customer: “They were perfect! They fit me so well that I didn’t even have to take off my other pants to try them on!”

(She wasn’t joking and actually purchased the pants!)

A Smashing Deal

| CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks in and asks to trade her ‘Ultimate Captain America’ collectible for the limited Edition, $700 Hulk collectible.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to Toy Trades. Is there anything you need help with?”

Customer: “I brought a collectible Captain America. I want to trade it for the Hulk.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go grab the Hulk. ”

(I go grab the Hulk and pass my co-worker, who says that she must have an expensive collectible.)

Me: “Here it is.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! Here is my Captain America. Um, lemme take that…”

Me: “Wait! By policy I need to look at your collectible.”

Customer: “You don’t have to look at it… Consider it like a gift.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to look at your collectible first.”

(She grabs the Hulk and tries to run but another customer grabs her.)

Customer: “I JUST WANTED A D*** PRESENT FOR MY MOTHERF****** SON! TAKE THE CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU IDIOT!”

(She throws a toy Captain America that has a Fast Food Restaurant label on it. Being the empathetic person I am, I grab a Hulk eraser and hand it to her.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

Talking At-At Cross Purposes

| Austin, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a chain Italian restaurant. I am often asked questions about the menu, but every now and then a customer asks a question that catches me off guard.)

Customer #1: “No, it’s definitely an AT-AT!”

Customer #2: “No, it’s an AT-LT!”

Customer #1: “Ask our waiter. I bet you his tip.”

(By this point, I have been overhearing this conversation, and the nerd inside me is intrigued by Star Wars trivia.)

Me: “Can I help you guys with something?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend here thinks that the robot in star wars that walks on two legs with the little dogs is called the AT-LT. Please tell him it’s an AT-AT?”

Me: “Actually, I’m sorry but both of you are incorrect; the vehicle you’re thinking of is the AT-ST, which is premiered in the Battle for Hoth, the ice planet, but is actually featured in the Battle of Endor. In fact, that’s what Chewbacca uses to blow the blast doors open for Han Solo and Princess Leia. And the dogs are called Ewoks and they’re native to Endor.”

Customer #1: “Oh… thanks.”

(I ended up walking away and since they each bet $20, I actually earned $40. That’s the first time my nerd knowledge actually gained me that much money. May the Force be with you!)

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