Didn’t Find His Calling

| CA, USA | Right | October 18, 2015

(I am working at the information desk at a bookstore when a customer comes up.)

Customer: “Hi, you have a phone call for me?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “Over the intercom, I heard it! You said “[very common male first name], you have a phone call on line one!”

Me: “Sir, that’s our store manager’s name. We were letting him know he had a phone call.”

Customer: “Oh.” *walks away disappointed*

They’re More Likely To Fly

| Ireland | Right | October 18, 2015

(I work in a busy cafeteria style restaurant in a popular tourist attraction. A customer walks up to our hot food counter.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Yeah, what’s vegetarian?”

Me: “We have two soups which are vegetarian, we have a salad bar, and today we have a goat’s cheese quiche which is also vegetarian.”

Customer: *points to the quiches displayed* “What about that one?”

Me: “That is a quiche with leek and baked ham.”

Customer: “Yeah, I want that.”

Me: “Okay, but that’s not vegetarian. It has ham in it.”

Customer: “Are you telling me I can’t have it?”

Me: “Not at all, sir. I’m just letting you know it’s not vegetarian because it contains ham.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what I want. Give a slice of that.”

(I proceed to plate up his quiche and the sides he ordered. He walks away to pay and sits down. About 15 minutes later I’m now at the cash register serving another customer when I spot him standing close by holding his plate.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I want a refund.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with your meal?”

Customer: “I asked for a vegetarian meal and I was served a quiche with meat in it.”

Me: “Sir, I served you that quiche. I explained to you there was ham in it, therefore making it not vegetarian. You went ahead and ordered it anyway.”

Customer: “But it has meat in it. I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, first of all, I told you it wasn’t vegetarian. Second of all, you have eaten all of it. I cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

Me: “I am a supervisor. I cannot give you a refund because you were told that the meal you ordered was not vegetarian and I believe I pointed out more than once that there was ham in it.”

Customer: *slams down his empty plate* “How was I supposed to know ham was meat?!”

Me: “Sir, pigs don’t grow on trees.”

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He’ll Get It Slower Than A Speeding Bullet

| SC, USA | Right | October 17, 2015

(I am working the firearm counter at a well known sporting goods store. It is early in the morning, so I’m cleaning the cases when a man approaches.)

Man: “Hey, honey. You got anyone working at these here guns?”

(I assume he thinks I’m maintenance since I’m cleaning.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I am. What can I help with today?”

Man: *guffaw* “No, honey. I need someone who can sell me one’a these here guns.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am certified to do that. What were you interested in?”

Man: *looks visibly uncomfortable* “You ain’t got nobody else here?”

Me: “No. We usually only have the one person in the morning. Can I help you with something?”

Man: “I need a .22.”

Me: “We have several in stock of different manufacturers.”

Man: “I’m looking for a .22, honey. It’s a rifle.”

Me: *becoming annoyed* “Yes, I know. Which manufacturer or model are you interested in?”

Man: “I’ll just come back by when y’all got someone working who knows what I’m lookin’ fer.”

Me: “Sir, none of our employees are telepathic. If you don’t know what you want, chances are that we won’t either!”

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Getting A Proper Grilling

| NJ, USA | Right | October 17, 2015

(The customer is a man about 50 years old. He orders a number 12, which is a chicken sandwich. I ask him if he wants crispy or grilled chicken and he says grilled. A few minutes after getting his food he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: *opens box* “This is a grilled chicken sandwich.”

Customer: “I wanted the grill.”

Me: “…Right. This is grilled.”

Customer: “No. You just said this is chicken! I didn’t want chicken. I wanted the grill.”

Me: “You ordered a chicken sandwich grilled… that’s what it says on your receipt.”

Customer: “I did want the grill, but I didn’t want chicken!”

Me: *blank stare* “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “The grill! I wanted the grill! You asked me crispy or grilled and I wanted the grill!”

Me: “The number 12 is a chicken sandwich, sir. That’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “I don’t want chicken. I want the grill.”

Me: “…Did you want a burger?”

Customer: “Yes! A grilled burger! I wanted the grill!”

Not A Very De-Scent Thing To Do

| Loveland, CO, USA | Right | October 17, 2015

(I approach a customer who’s been staring at the cologne for a little while.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Which one of these do women like?”

Me: “Um, all of them? I can tell you what I like, but it really depends on the woman. I would suggest you choose something you like first and foremost. What scents have you worn and liked in the past?”

(He shows me a few and I help him choose one that fits his preference, though it’s not my taste at all. I hand him an unopened box and go to set the tester bottle back down when he snatches it from my hand and sprays it directly on me.)

Customer: “There! Now you’ll smell like me!” *grins and walks away*

(This was 20 minutes into an eight-hour shift. I had to smell like that stuff until we closed and I could go home and wash it off.)

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