MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Right | February 16, 2016

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | February 16, 2016

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where Southgate is?”

Me: “You just take the Whitemud, west, and you’ll turn right. You won’t be able to miss it.”

Customer: “What’s their address?”

Me: “Uhm, I’m not actually su—”

Customer: “So, you just go up this road here?”

Me: “No, it’s the Whitemud. Just up there, and you really can’t miss it.”

(By now I have a customer waiting to do financing and my phone ringing off the hook.)

Customer: “Well, can you just look up the address? You have a computer, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yes. Just a sec.”

(I figure I can get the address and her out of here quick enough that I can still do my actual job.)

Customer: “Well, if you’re going to sigh THAT loud, it’s obviously too hard for you.”

Me: “I do have to breathe, but let me just get that address here.”

Customer: *starts leaving in a huff*

Me: “I have the address here…”

Customer: *comes back* “No, you’re not willing to help.” *starts walking out again*

Me: “But I do have the address right here if you want it.”

Customer: *leaves*

Brain-Fried

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | February 16, 2016

(The office building where I work has a deli in the basement. I’m standing in line behind a coworker. It is my coworker’s turn to order.)

Deli Attendant: “May I help you?”

Coworker: “Yes. Is there chicken in the chicken fried rice?”

Deli Attendant: “…”

Me: *to coworker* “Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah, that’s not what I meant to say. I don’t know what I wanted to ask.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 47

| Manchester, NH, USA | Right | February 16, 2016

(I’m working with a particularly impatient customer who just wants to upgrade but I’ve been having issues with the system. After calling several tech departments, I finally discover what the problem is.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks as though you previously held an account with us that has gone into collections. Due to issues with our system at the time that you set up this new account, it has gone unnoticed until now. Unfortunately we will not be able to upgrade your phones until that account has been paid in full.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make any sense. It was three years ago. They need to forget it.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not how debt works. You still owe us money and we can’t extend any more credit until it’s paid.”

Customer: *yelling now* “BUT IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO! IT SHOULD BE GONE!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not gone until you pay it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m going to another carrier. You just lost a customer.”

Me: “That’s very unfortunate, ma’am, and I’m sorry you feel that way. Would you like the number of the collection agency so you can pay us what you owe us?”

Customer: *takes phone number and attempts to dramatically storm out*

 

Shopping With Plenty Of Baggage

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Right | February 16, 2016

(I’m out shopping with my mom. We finish getting our items and head to a checkout line. My neighbor, who is a cashier, is working the cash register that we are at. He is finishing up a transaction with the customer in front of us when I hear this joke…)

Neighbor: “All right, sir. Would you like a bag with that? I can give you one from under my eyes.”

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