Your Passport To Being Banned

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I go into a bar I frequent. I had lost my wallet a few days earlier, but I know most of the bartenders, so I didn’t expect them to ask for identification. The woman working doesn’t recognize me, and asks for my ID. Also, I’m a 23-year-old white woman.)

Me: “I think I actually have my passport in my car. Hold on.”

(I go get it and show the bartender.)

Bartender: *not amused* “This isn’t you.”

Me: “No, it is…”

(I get this almost every time I show my passport, because it is an old picture and it really doesn’t look that much like me.)

Bartender: “Is this even real?”

(Now, I’m offended.)

Me: “It’s definitely me. I come here all the time and we went to [Community College] together!”

Bartender: “No, we didn’t. And this is DEFINITELY not you.”

Me: “It is! Look at the date it was issued. Look at my birth date. That picture was taken when I was 17. I’m 24 now, a little heavier, and my hair is longer and less pink, but it is DEFINITELY me!”

Bartender: “This is you?”

(She turns the passport to me and shows me the picture, one of an older man of Middle Eastern descent with a Saudi Arabian name and an impressive beard. A friend of mine had put his passport in my glove box months ago and then apparently forgot about it.)

Me: “You’re right; that’s not me.”

(Luckily, I had my actual passport, and was able to return my friend’s with an awesome story. With any luck at all, the bartender will fail to remember me again next time I go in.)

5 Stories Of Holy Moly

Not Always Right | Roundups

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of Holy Moly Nothing brings out a customers bad side more than their righteous indignation!

  1. We Will We Will Praise You (1,330 thumbs up)
  2. Not Acting Their Sunday Best (1,358 thumbs up)
  3. What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 2 (1,579 thumbs up)
  4. They Taste A Bit Brimstoney (1,477 thumbs up)
  5. You Say Potato, I Say Catholic (862 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 2

| Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(The credit card machines are down at the fast food place I work for. I am taking orders on the headset.)

Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Fast Food]. Our credit card machines are currently down so we are only accepting cash right now.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t have a credit card. I have a debit card.”

Me: *trying to hold back laughter* “I’m sorry; ma’am, but we can’t accept a debit card either.”

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

All Manner Of Meat With No Manners

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Wild & Unruly

(A customer approaches the deli just as I’m about to shut down the department to clean it. She takes a number and spends the next few minutes looking over the meat selections.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Uh, yes… I would like half a pound of pastrami, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I slice her order and hand it to her. She thanks me and looks at the package. Just as she’s about to turn to leave, she looks at the package.)

Customer: “Excuse me! But this isn’t what I f****** ordered you stupid piece of s***!”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for pastrami and that’s what I cut for you.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Well, that’s not what this is!” *points at the glass case*

Me: “Are you pointing at the pastrami?”

Customer: “Yes, I am, you dumb a**hole! You should be able to f***** see that!”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. One moment.”

(I walk around the counter to where she’s standing.)

Customer: “See, this is what I want.”

Me: *sigh* “Ma’am, that’s not pastrami you’re pointing at. It’s salami. It clearly says it on the wrapping and on the sign under the product.”

Customer: “I know that, you f****** idiot!”

Me: “If you know that, then why did you ask for pastrami? They’re not even close to being the same product. In fact they’re in different color wrapping.”

Customer: “Hey, stop being an a**hole and give me what I want! You’re making this more difficult than it has to be and you’re wasting my time!”

Me: “Sure, hold on. Please be advised that you are the one that placed the wrong order which is prolonging your stay here.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Hurry up and finish my order!”

(I quickly slice her order as the deli is now closed and I want to go home.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you. Was that so f***** hard?”

Me: “Yes, it was about as hard as reading a sign that says salami and confusing it with pastrami.”

Doesn’t Speak (Or Hear) French

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words

(I work in a library which serves mostly English-speaking patrons, but also French-speaking patrons, too. As such, the library uses both a French and English name. I receive a call from a number with an area code that I do not recognize, but is somewhat similar to the library’s area code.)

Me: “Bibliothèque Publique de [City]. Public Library. How may I help you?”

Patron: “Yes, I received a notice that my books are late. I would like to renew them.”

Me: “Certainly. May I have your last name?”

Patron: “It’s [Last Name].”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I pull up the list of our patrons with the last name in question.)

Me: “What is your first name, please?”

Patron: “It’s [First Name].”

Me: *checking the list* “I’m afraid I can’t find that name on my list. Did you perhaps register your membership under a different first name, or were you using someone else’s card?”

Patron: *a little annoyed* “No. I used my card, and my name is [Name].”

(We go back and forth for a moment, before I ask…)

Me: *hesitant* “Ma’am, are you sure you are calling the right library?”

Patron: *a little offended by my suggestion* “Well, I am calling the library in [City], [US State]?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. You called [City], Quebec, Canada.”

Patron: “…”

(She said goodbye and hung up. I’m not sure how all the French and the different area code failed to clue her in! I’m also curious how much the long distance call cost her!)

Page 916/2,945First...914915916917918...Last