Doesn’t Read Sign Language

| AK, USA | Language & Words, Money

(It’s my first day in a small drive through coffee shop; another employee is also working. A customer drives up and orders two drinks, which are promptly made. When I give her the total, she tries to hand me a card. We only take cash, and have three signs placed on and around the window saying so.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we only take cash.”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that! I don’t have any cash!”

(My coworker steps in.)

Coworker: “There is an ATM located behind you at the liquor store, and one at the gas station two buildings down. We will be happy to keep your drinks warm, until you return.”

(The customer glares at us and zooms away. I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to be coming back. About 20 minutes later though, she zooms back up at my coworkers window.)

Customer: “Can I have my drinks now?”

Coworker: “That will be $8.25.”

Customer: “You know, you should tell people that you only take cash!”

Coworker: “Actually, we have three signs around the window, if you’ll notice.”

Customer: “Well, people won’t notice a sign; you need to tell them!”

Coworker: “Here is your change; thank you.”

Customer: “What is your manager’s phone number? I’m going to tell them about this!”

Coworker: “It’s right here on this sign.”

(My coworker points a sign next to the big ‘Only Cash’ sign. I’ve been finishing an order right next to my coworker, and the customer turns to me.)

Customer: “You wipe that smile off your face! You think this is so funny, don’t you!? Well, I’m going to tell your manager!”

(Later, the owner calls to have us listen to the lady’s voicemail. She basically blows the entire situation up, saying that we had been really rude, and that I had been… laughing manically. Yes, “manically.”)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a gas station. A construction company has accidentally knocked out our power. After getting the store closed up and the closed signs are posted to the doors, we wait for the power to be restored. A customer parks her car at the gas pumps, walks to the entrance, and pounds on the door.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we’ve experienced a power outage and we’re closed for a few more hours.”

Customer: “I need to get gas.”

Me: I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed at the moment. I hate to do it, but I have to send you to the gas station across the street.

Customer: “Don’t you have a key to the register? Why can’t you take my money and let me get my gas? Everybody else does it manually.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to understand. Without electricity, the gas pump won’t work. I wish we could help you, but we can’t right now.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of this store personally. And you can tell him I am very dissatisfied with the service from his employees. He won’t like this at all.”

Me: *smiling* “Ma’am, he’s actually right here, and you can speak with him yourself.”

(I step aside, and the owner of the store, who has been listening, walks to the front door.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, but who are you? The power is out right now and we’re closed!”

(The owner pulls the door closed, locks it, and walks away from the very embarrassed customer.)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

Fight For Your Right

| Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

Drunk: “I want a beer.”

Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

(The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

My Friend: “Eat wood!”

(My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7

| Québec City, QC, Canada | Canada, Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a café in the old city in Québec, which is a very popular tourist destination. A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Bonjour, hello.”

Customer: “Hello! You take American money, right?”

Me: “Ooh, I’m afraid not. Would you like to pay with a card? We take debit and credit.”

Customer: “Why don’t you take American dollars?”

Me: “Because this isn’t the United States.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?!”

Me: “Canada is a different country. May I ask where you’re visiting from?”

Customer: “New Zealand.”

Me: “Right, I thought I recognized the accent. Would you take it kindly if I came to your city and tried to use Australian dollars?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Well, it’s the same deal here. Now would you like to pay with a card?”

Customer: “CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

Not Open To Interpretation

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work in a call center. We have a dedicated line for Spanish-speaking customers, but for anyone speaking anything else, we would use an interpreter service. I am on a call between the interpreter and the customer.)

Me: “Can you tell him that, since his phone has water damage, his warranty doesn’t cover it?”

(The interpreter translates this, and the customer shouts angrily for a few seconds.)

Coworker: “What did he say?”

Interpreter: “I don’t want to tell you.”

Coworker: “Oh, come on, now I really want to know.”

Interpreter: “Ok, well…”

(The interpreter repeats back a profanity laced diatribe about me, my family, the phone and the company.)

Coworker: “…wow, he said all that in that one little sentence?”