Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A Quarter

| WI, USA | Right | February 19, 2016

(Decorated flip-flops are all the rage at this time. I am trying to help two middle-aged ladies who are shopping with two small children, a roughly three-year-old boy in the cart seat and a roughly six-year-old girl running around. The boy is very bored and keeps grabbing one of the women, grabbing spools of ribbon and shoving them back in the incorrect slots, and screaming. The women just ignore the children and the girl continues to aggravate the boy’s behavior. The entire group acts conceited and entitled.)

Woman #1: “Yeah, I need this ribbon but in one-quarter inch.” *holds up one-half inch by-the-yard black and white zebra print*

Me: “All right, it looks like we only carry half-inch and wider for that print in by-the-yard and only 3/8th inch wide in the by-the-spool section. What are you planning on using it for so I can help figure out the best option?”

Woman #1: *shoves a white flip-flop at me, the size making it obvious it is hers* “The woman at [Competitor] told me I could glue fabric around the edge to decorate it but the silky fabric she cut frayed! I want ribbon or something else that won’t fray!”

Me: “All right. You could get the larger one and fold it over since you will be gluing it anyway. Or you could cut it down and use a fray-check before gluing to prevent it from fraying. That way, you wouldn’t need to buy as much.”

Woman #1: “No! I want quarter-inch ribbon so I don’t have to cut it.”

Me: “I understand but we do not carry black and white zebra print in quarter-inch width. If you prefer, we have other patterns in that size. Or we also carry black and white zebra fabrics you can get cut, but I would, again, recommend using a fray-check since they will be seeing a lot of wear and tear on flip-flops—”

Woman #1: “NO! I WANT RIBBON!”

Me: “Well, since we do not carry it, you might be able to find it at [Competitor #2], [Competitor #3], or possibly at [Competitor #4].”

Woman #1: “I HAVE ALREADY TRIED THERE! DON’T TELL ME I HAVE TO GO BACK TO [COMPETITOR] IN [Town one hour away]!”

Me: *really thinking how I can make this person happy or at least offer more suggestions* “Where do you live? [Competitor] actually just opened up a branch in [Town half an hour away], if that is any closer to you.

Woman #1: *she is screaming at this point* “I LIVE IN [Town 45 minutes in opposite direction].”

Me: “Oh. The only other suggestion I can think of, then, is to maybe get some sharpies and draw your own designs.”

(At this point, the boy has moved on to throwing spools of ribbon while the girl tugs at him. The woman finally takes notice when I bend down to scoop up an unraveling spool.)

Woman #1: “WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?! STOP BEING BRATS!” *to the girl* “GET AWAY FROM HIM AND BEHAVE!”

(As she says this she shoves the little girl away while simultaneously ramming her cart into me. She glares at me like she is daring me to say something but I just smile and continue to re-wind the ribbon spool. Woman #2 finally takes notice and starts screaming at the kids that they need to apologize for making a mess. You know, instead of the adults paying attention to them and preventing them from misbehaving.)

Me: “If there is nothing else I can help you with, have a nice day!”

Woman #1: “WHAT?! YOU HAVEN’T HELPED ME AT ALL! THIS IS TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!”

(I just walked away thinking: And you are a terrible parent. I gave you 10 different options and ideas. Short of pulling what you wanted out of the non-existent magic satchel in my a**, there was nothing else I could do. I walked right into the break room where my manager (who I filled in on the situation) told me to stay until those women left the store. Apparently Woman #1 was looking for me…)

2nd Floor, Ward B, To Be Specific…

| UK | Right | February 19, 2016

Me: “Could I take your name?”

Customer: “It’s [Name].”

Me: “And your date of birth?”

Customer: “That’s [date].”

Me: “And could I take your place of birth?”

Customer: “…The hospital?”

Insert Common Sense Here

| ON, Canada | Right | February 19, 2016

(Customers have busy lives, but sometimes their attention span is ridiculous, even for a preoccupied mind.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you can insert your card.”

Customer: *taps, and then swipes*

Me: “Sorry, you have to insert your card.”

Customer: *taps furiously and keeps swiping*

Me: “Ma’am, you need to insert the chip in our card reader. You can’t swipe.”

Customer: *continues to swipe furiously*

Me: *sensing there is no getting through to her* “Okay, here. I can do it for you. *reaches for her card, but has hand slapped away*

Customer: “Don’t touch my card, you brat!”

(At this point, I had enough.)

Me: “And you, ma’am, don’t have the right to touch me. I’m done serving you. My register is closed. Please go to register six.”

Customer: “LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DISRESPECTED IN MY LIFE!”

Me: “Sure thing.” *I call the extension* “Hi, [Head Cashier], a customer wants to speak with you.” *I hand the phone to the customer*

Customer: “Yes, this little s*** cashier should be fired. He started yelling at me and tried to grab my card… Yes. Yes, he is… Yes. Yes, that was me… I will not apologize to that little s***… Fine, you too, f*****!” *hangs up*

Customer: *throws her items at me, including a very sharp drywall knife that hits me in the arm and breaks my skin* “I hope you burn in h***!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. But before that, I’m calling the police on you for assault.”

Customer: “Not if I can help it, f*****!”

(The customer proceeds to run for the door, but is stopped by our 6’7″ loss prevention associate. He holds her until the police arrive, and I press charges. Last update I heard was that she was spending 10 months behind bars. And all because she didn’t pay attention to me when I instructed her to insert her card.)

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This Is A Bad Sign, Part 3

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | February 19, 2016

(The restaurant I work at has free soft-drink refills, with a drink machine in the lobby for customers. Basically, it’s free refills for people inside, but not drive-thru. I’m working the cash window at drive-thru when a teenager holding a plastic cup walks up, ignoring the rather large ‘No walk-ups’ sign next to my window.)

Customer: “Can you refill my [Drink]?”

Me: Um…no. You have to go inside to get your refill. We don’t have a machine in here.

(He promptly runs inside to get his refill. But not 20 minutes later, the customer drives up, holding his empty cup and a small paper sign from the lobby.)

Customer: “I’ll trade you the sign for a refill!”

(And apparently, he tried the same thing at the pickup window!)

 

His Request Is Dead In The Water

| MO, USA | Right | February 19, 2016

(My last customer of the day/week is absolutely irate because company policy prevents us from moving his 55-gallon aquarium, which is full of 20 fish and 50 gallons of water.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. You’re telling me that you’re a professional moving company, and you won’t move an aquarium.”

Me: “Not if it is full. We move aquariums, but they must be completely emptied out prior to move day.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do with 20 fish and 50 gallons of water?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I and my friend moved this thing BY OURSELVES the last time I moved.”

Me: “Sir, when you put a full aquarium on a truck with the rest of your belongings, it is very likely that the water would spill onto your other items and ruin them. It’s also likely that water would cause our men to slip and hurt themselves. We can’t transport liquids of any kinds due to the safety hazard.”

Customer: “It won’t spill because I let 4-5 inches evaporate because I knew I was moving. I could move this thing myself; I just don’t WANT to do it. This is f****** ridiculous. I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “I’d LOVE for you to speak with my manager.”

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