Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

| MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

| San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work in a hotel lounge where only exclusive hotel members have access. In the evening we serve appetizers. A man who is a vegetarian is staying and asks for vegetarian food everyday. The day I did have it, he didn’t take any so I saved him a bit for the next night.)

Guest: “Do you have any vegetarian food tonight?”

Me: “No, but I saved some pasta from last night for you.”

Guest: “Beef?”

Me: “No, no beef. It’s the one I told you about last night.”

Guest: “The one with beef?”

Me: “It doesn’t have beef. It’s the vegetarian pasta from last night.”

Guest: “Oh yeah! From last night! It has… a little… little bit of beef?”

Me: “No beef. It’s vegetarian.”

Guest: “Not vegetarian?”

Me: “It IS vegetarian.”

Guest: “So, no meat?”

Me: “…no meat, sir.”

Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Crazy Requests

(Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

(Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

Me: “Are you already registered?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

(This continues three or four more times.)

Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

(Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*

To Put It Plainly

, | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I am ordering a cheeseburger combo meal at a fast food place.)

Cashier: “And what do you want on it?”

Me: “Uh, everything except the tomatoes, onion… Wait, let me rephrase that. Just the cheese and meat.”

Cashier: “So… plain?”

Me: *embarrassed* “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been easier to say!”

(Thanks for putting up with me, fast food worker!)

Last Name Last Thought

| Franklin, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(I’ve worked retail for years, but this is my turn at being the clueless customer. This store can look up your membership card with your name and phone number. I am currently wearing my name tag, which has only my first name on it.)

Associate: “Oh, you work at [Other Store]. You must know [Coworker], who used to work here!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, [Coworker]’s great! Oh, I have a membership card, but I don’t have it on me.”

Associate: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I’m not sure… [My Name], I think.”

Associate: “…”

Me: “Oh, my God, I’m sorry! I thought you were asking for [Coworker]’s last name! Sorry! Do I win the award today?”

Associate: “Not even the strangest thing that’s happened today.”

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