Doesn’t Exactly Hook The Kiddies

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: *holds up a copy of Nick Cave’s ‘The Death of Bunny Munro’* “Is this book for children?”

Me: “That’s a dead prostitute on the cover.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “No, ma’am, it really isn’t.”

Trying To Stamp Out Stupid

| West Hartford, CT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top, Transportation

(I am friendly with our neighborhood postal delivery lady, and always chat with her when taking the dog out for his afternoon walk. She was telling me about the new neighbors that just moved in.)

Postal Lady: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Me: “Good. Yourself?”

Postal Lady: “I tell you, I have to deal with some pretty stupid people on my job. You’re going to like this. Do you know where the new neighbors just moved in?” *points to the house*

Me: “Yeah. What about them?”

Postal Lady: “Well, the other day, when I was when I was delivering their mail, the lady came screaming, waving her arms, running out of her house, because she wanted to ask me if she wants to mail something what does she need to do.”

Me: “Okay…”

Postal Lady: “So I tell her if she puts something in the mailbox, just put the flag up. Then she asked, ‘What flag? You never gave me a flag!’ So I showed her, by moving it up and down. She responded, ‘I don’t think that you are very intelligent. That is NOT a flag. A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!'”

(I start laughing.)

Postal Lady: “Wait, it gets better. Today, when I delivered her mail, the ‘flag’ was up. And in it I found this:”

(She showed me an envelope with a hand written address, and where the stamp should have been was a square that read ‘First Class Mail: No Stamp Needed of Mail in the USA’ that was cut out of a piece of junk mail and taped on to the envelope.)

Weird And Weirder

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(I am buying ‘Keep Off the Grass’ signs for my lawn. I am usually very socially awkward but I love talking to associates. I am currently talking to one about the signs.)

Me: “We live on the corner of two streets so people walk through our yard all the time. I wouldn’t mind except they throw their trash on the ground. I even caught a moving guy doing it. I don’t want to be rude, but I have no choice.”

Employee: “Yeah.”

Me: “It’s not like they are going to abide by the signs. I might have to sit on my porch and watch for a few hours.” *jokingly* “Maybe follow them home and throw it on their lawn.”

Employee: *laughs* “Yeah, you should.”

(Suddenly a customer comes up to both of us talking about drug deals on her lawn and AK47s. We smile and nod, hoping she will go away. Once she does, we look at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m usually the weird customer, but somehow I attract even weirder…”

Needs Oil On This Troubled Water

| QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I watch a fancy BMW pull up to the entrance to the fuel station. An old rich-looking man gets out and walks into the store.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Customer: “Yeah, good.”

Me: “What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I need to get some oil for my car.”

Me: “Yup, all of our oils are on the rack beside you.”

Customer: “Can you tell me what oil I need for my car?”

Me: “I don’t know sir, and I’m not allowed to recommend anything. Company policy.”

Customer: “You’re a fuel station and you can’t recommend me the correct oil I need for my car?”

Me: “That is correct, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I think that is completely stupid.”

(The customer grabs a random bottle of oil from rack and pays for it.)

Customer: “I’ll use this one, and if it’s wrong I’ll come back and sue you.”

Me: “And THAT is why we can’t recommend one for you, sir!”

Argument Cut Short

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am both a meat-cutter and a cook, and I’m known among regulars for being the best. Some people don’t know me, and therefore don’t trust my work because I’m female.)

Customer: *on her phone* “Hi. Can I have half a pound of moist?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I cut a perfectly good, though darkened by smoke, piece.)

Customer: *still on her phone* “That doesn’t look very moist.”

(I decide this is no time for an argument and cut another half pound. I grab it and also grab a small piece of the previous half for her to taste, offering it upon arrival at register. The customer, who is STILL on her phone, tries it, nods approval, smiles, and gives me a thumbs up.)

Me: “That’s the one you DIDN’T want.”

Customer: *realizes she can’t reasonably turn down the second lot for the first* “You know, give me another half.”

Me: “You want that one?” *points at the refused meat*

Customer: “Yes,  Yes, please.”

Me: “All right, no problem!”

(Of the many times I’ve had someone complain about meat they never even tried, that was the first I’d ever managed to turn it around. I’ve gotta say, it made my day!)

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