Deal With Them On A Case By Case Basis

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls tech support, telling me he had bought a new computer at one of my company’s stores, and that it isn’t turning on.)

Me: “Okay, I understand the problem.”

(Thinking it’s going to be the standard power-supply-switch/cable not connected issue, I ask him if he has plugged it in and switched it on at the back.)

Caller: “Well, there’s the problem. There is nowhere to plug in a cable.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Sir, are you sure you have the right cable and are looking at the right side of the computer?”

Caller: “Yes. I am looking at the back side, and there is nowhere to plug in a cable or anything.”

Me: “Okay, could you please describe to me what you see.”

Caller: “Well, I can tell you that there is a big hole in the back of the computer through which I can stick my entire arm.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, I think that might be the problem. I think you have bought a bare-bone casing for a computer, rather than a working PC. May I ask what the computer cost?”

Caller: “€90.”

Me: “Okay, sir,.I would advise you to take that casing back to the store and tell the guys there the issue. I am sure the will take it back and provide you with an actual computer rather than a case.”

Caller: “Er, um, okay. I guess I’ll do that then…” *click*

Never EVER Burst His Bubble

, | CT, USA | Bizarre

(I used to work in one of the retail stores for a major shipping company. We sold all sorts of shipping materials, but the one that most caught customers’ eyes was the 250′ roll of bubble wrap. One day this older man who seemed like he might have been high walked into the store, stared at the two rolls of bubble wrap stacked on top of one another, and then looked creepily over at my coworker and me.)

Customer: “I’ve always wondered how much bubble wrap it would take to ship a corpse.”

Me: “Well, I would guess that depends on the size of the corpse.” *nervous laughter*

Customer: *creepy smile* “I’ll let you know.”

(He left and my coworker and I were left wondering whether or not we should call the cops.)

Can’t Imagine Why You Can’t Use Imaginary Coupons

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I greet a table of ten. In the middle of introducing myself this happens:)

Customer: “I have a coupon.”

Me: “Okay, hang on to it. It is applied at the end.”

Customer: “Hang onto it? I don’t have it with me. Is that a problem?”

Me: “So, you want to use a coupon that you don’t have with you?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you have coupons if you won’t accept them.”

Me: “…”

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work in a well-known department store chain as a cashier. By law, I’m required to offer our store credit card to each and every customer that comes through my line if they’re over the age of 18.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total is [total]. If you don’t have our [Store] card, I can try to save you $10 or $15 on this purchase.”

Customer: *mumbles so low that I can’t hear her*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you please repeat that?”

Customer: “I SAID NO! GOD! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH AT ALL? YOUR SERVICE IS HORRIBLE!”

(At this point she starts screaming her head off, and I see my manager, who is really short and stocky, running down the aisle to see what all the yelling is about.)

Customer: “I MEAN, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING ME IF I WANT A CREDIT CARD? YOU SHOULD KNOW I DON’T HAVE ANY OF THEM!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have never met you before. How would I know that you don’t have any credit cards?”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHECK YOUR THINGAMAJIG WHEN I GIVE YOU MY REWARDS CARD!”

Me: “Ma’am… those are two completely separate things.”

Customer: “NO, THEY’RE NOT! STOP F***ING LYING TO ME!”

(My manager has just gotten to my booth when the customer slaps me, hard, across my face.)

Manager: “[Customer]! Why did you just hit my cashier?!”

Customer: “HE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW I DON’T HAVE ANY CREDIT CARDS!”

Manager: “Get out of my store! This is the third time you’ve done this! Do not come back!”

Customer: “THIS IS WHY I NEVER SHOP AT [Store]! THE SERVICE IS TERRIBLE!”

Manager: *after the customer left* “Are you okay? Go on a break. I’ll cover for you.”

Me: “So… no hazard pay?”

Manager: “Ha. Good luck with that. I’ve been here 40 years and I don’t get hazard pay.”

(She did the customer satisfaction survey on the receipt that we print out and gave me the lowest possible rating, a 0, because of “terrible service” and actually WON a $1,000 gift card to the store via the sweepstakes system. Corporate was notified and they cancelled the gift card right away and gave me a $100 gift card!)

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5

Taxing Taxing

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(Two customers come in close to closing and order three milkshakes. One of my employees makes them, they pay and leave. Five minutes later they come back in.)

Customer #1: “These shakes all taste funny. We tried all three. They’re all sour. We would like our money refunded.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Give me just a moment.”

(The card charges for the day don’t go through until we manually process them at the end of the night. Rather than giving them a refund for the charge amount, I find their exact order and comp off the shakes, making their order total $0.00 and removing their charge from having ever existed. I hand them a copy of the comped receipt.)

Me: “Well, here you go. Sorry about the shakes. Have a good night.”

Customer #1: “This is only for $8.70. We were charged $9.22.”

Me: “It just says $8.70 because that’s the price for the shakes without tax, which was removed from the bill making the total bill zero. The tax isn’t displayed because no tax can be added to a total of zero.”

Customer #2: “What, so I’m still being charged the tax!?”

Me: “No… The total is zero. There is no charge being made at all to your card. The comp here says $8.70 because that is the original price for the shakes. ”

Customer #2: “So you only refunded me $8.70, not $9.22.”

Me: “The original price was removed entirely, making the total zero. As there is no total on your order now, there is no tax, so it’s not displayed. That’s just the way the receipt displays the information. The charge was reversed entirely. The total displayed is zero dollars and zero cents, which is the new total for your order.”

(The customers, brows still furrowed, cautiously leave. Another moment later, customer #2 comes back in.)

Customer #2: “Could I just have your name to reference in case of further incident?”

Me: “Uh, sure, my name is [My Name].”

(I include the incident in my end of the night communications to the next day’s managers in case anything comes up. I also work the next day, but am not the manager in charge. The next day, the manager comes to talk to me about mid-afternoon.)

Manager: “Did you see your shake lady come in?”

Me: “No. What? You mean the lady who thought I was charging her tax? From last night?”

Manager: “Yeah, she actually came in! I had to explain to her that it wasn’t an actual refund but a reversal. She wasn’t getting it. I was like, it was a same day charge so we can just remove the charge from ever having happened rather than the hassle of doing a refund.”

Me: “Yeah, I explained the same exact thing to her…”

Manager: “She asked to speak to a manager, I should have gotten you!” *laughs*

Me: “Oh, man, that would have been great. She drove all the way back up here over 52 cents.”

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