The Brain Freeze Will Make No Difference

| Calgary, AB, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(So I work at a college as a coffee server. I really wonder how some people made it this far. I am prepping a customers order. She turns to her friend.)

Customer: “Do you want your double-double?”

Friend: “No, thanks, I’m going to get an iced cappuccino.”

Customer: “It’s below 10 out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I gave up caffeine for Lent, so I’m going to have an iced cap.”

Customer: “You know there caffeine in that, right?”

Friend: “Yes, in a HOT cappuccino. When you freeze it you kill the caffeine, so therefore it’s caffeine free. The sugar will keep me awake.”

Zipping From One Line To Another

| Stevens, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a retreat and adventure center. One of our main attractions is a zipline canopy tour that requires one to make a reservation. Many call in to do so and inquire about certain safety issues and other things.)

Me: “Hello, [Camp]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to reserve a spot for ziplining.”

Me: “Okay, what day?”

Customer: “Sunday.”

Me: “Okay, and what time.”

Customer: “What time is best? What time will get us finished by dinner?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. How about three?”

Customer: “Okay, and what time would be best for us to leave so we can get there on time?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, it depends on where you live.”

Customer: “And I wanted to stick in a pot roast and have it done when we return. What would be the best temperature to leave the pot roast at so that it will be done when we get back?”

Reply Back Like An Act Of God

| Paris, France | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I am working the customer service desk. Due to inclement weather, we have to cancel a flight to a smaller airport, as the plane used to make said flight would not be capable of landing there in a storm. I am dealing with a customer who has just been informed that the plane to which he was transferred due to a mechanical fault in a previous flight, is cancelled.)

Me: “So, I’m terribly sorry, sir. The best we can do now is rebook you for our earliest flight to [City] tomorrow morning, or start processing a refund to your credit card for this leg of your trip.”

Customer: *sighs* “Well, I need to be in [City] tonight, so I guess I’ll just take the refund.”

Me: “All right, sir. We will start processing your refund immediately, and again, we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, would you happen to know how much it costs to take the metro from here to [Main City station]? I guess I’ll be catching a late train.”

Me: “Certainly sir, it’s—”

(Suddenly the lady behind this customer speaks up.)

Woman: “Is that it? You’re not going to get mad? You’re not going to threaten to sue them?”

Customer: “…why would I do that?”

Woman: “They’ve ruined your trip! They took your money and ruined everything anyway!”

Customer: “I highly doubt anyone in Paris is responsible for the storm at [City], and the people working customer service are certainly not responsible for a mechanical fault in the plane.”

Woman: “But they’ve cost you hundreds of euros!”

Customer: “If they refund this leg, then it works out almost even. It’s really not a problem.”

Woman: “What are you talking about, it’s not a problem?! Of course it’s a problem! They should be made to pay! It’s that stupid French laziness where they just don’t want to work and—”

Customer: “Lady, shut the f*** up.”

(The woman chokes on her words as the customer who has been nothing but calm and polite this whole time fixes a glare on her.)

Customer: “I had to get up before six this morning to take a one-hour bus to the airport for a flight that got delayed. I was stuck in THIS airport for hours before finding out that my other flight was cancelled, and now I have to hop the metro to catch a two-hour train to be in [City] hours after I was supposed to arrive. I am tired. I want a shower. I am not in the mood to fight [Airline] over an act of God, and I am definitely not in the mood to listen to you rant and rave like a g****** lunatic about something that is none of your business. Now, kindly f*** off!”

(He turns back to me as the woman stammers incoherently.)

Customer: “Merci pour votre aide. Bonne soiree.” *Thanks for your help. Good evening*

(He gathered up his travel documents and calmly walked off.)