They’re Behind The ‘Shall Not Pass’ Signs

| Jewel Cave, SD, USA | Geeks Rule, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(We are on a group tour through caves, 200-300 feet underground. There are metal stairs and viewing platforms along the path. At each platform, a park ranger will describe what we are seeing, talk about the cave’s exploration history, and answer any questions. One question comes from a young teen girl on the tour. )

Girl: “Are there balrogs in these caves?”

Park Ranger: “Ball rocks?”

Girl: “BAL-rogs, from Lord Of The Rings?”

Park Ranger: “Uh, not that I know of…”

Giving You An Earful Over The Ears

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(For those that don’t know, LARP is Live Action Roleplay. We sell a lot of realistic looking weapons that are safe to hit people with, but are actually foam. Some are historically based, others are pure fantasy. We are at a convention.  I’m helping another customer when a guy on the other end of the table starts getting agitated by something.)

Customer: “No, these aren’t right at all.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Customer: “They’re just not accurate.”

(Finishing with the other customer, I move over.)

Me: “Well, it’s LARP, not re-enactment, so some of our weapons won’t be historically accurate. In fact, many are outright fantasy weapons that would have been amazingly impractical for real use.”

Customer: “Not the weapons, idiot! These!”

(The customer holds up a pair of prosthetic elf ears.)

Customer: “Moon Elves’ ears DON’T look like THIS.”

Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure with elves being fantasy they can look like whatever the designer wanted them to, so long as they’re kinda pointy at the end.”

Customer: “BUT THEY’RE NOT ACCURATE!”

I’ll Take A Groot Beer

| Cambridge, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(Sometimes we get customers in costumes who are in good humour if we name them instead of asking their name. We have a group come in who give themselves some DC-ent and MARVEL-ous names. I’m on the bar, making the drinks.)

Me: *with the Batman cup* “Good luck with the night shifts, Dark Knight.”

Batman: “Cheers!”

Me: *Superman* “Who’s the Man of Steel?”

Superman: “That would be me!”

Me: “Sorry, dude. I don’t have chocolate; is Kryptonite okay?”

Superman: “Go for it. It’s my day off.”

Me: *Rocket cup, looking at the last in the group* “Are you Rocket?”

Rocket: “I am Groot.”

Number Of The Beastly Coincidences

| Uckfield, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Money

(I work in a small corner shop. It is Halloween and we’ve been busy on-and-off with kids making their way around the estate and trick-or-treating, and coming in to buy drinks. I’m approached by a kid I estimate to be in his early teens.)

Me: “Hey, kiddo! Having fun?”

Kid: “Yeah, not a bad haul so far. Just a bit thirsty; nobody hands out drinks!”

Me: “No, I suppose they’re bulkier and more expensive, too.”

Kid: “Yeah you’re probably right and th—” *sees the total on my screen* “Aww £6.67? Come ON! Could you give me a penny discount?”

Me: “Er….

Kid: “Guess my maths isn’t as good as I thought. I wanted it to be £6.66 for Halloween!”

Me: “Well, I’m not authorised to give discount unless the items are damaged but [Similar Drinks] are a penny cheaper so you could swap out one of your [Original Items] if it really bothers you that much?”

Kid: “Yes, please! One sec while I take this back and swap it!”

(By this point there’s a small queue and the boy’s friends, who are waiting outside and clearly can’t hear what he’s doing but see him sprint back to the fridges, yell through the door for him to hurry up.)

Me: “Okay, buddy! That’s now £6.66.”

Kid: “Thanks! Can I get a receipt?”

Me: “Sure, have a good Halloween!”

(As the kid approaches the door he starts waving his receipt at his friends.)

Kid: “Guys! GUYS! LOOK! Weirdest coincidence ever! I just grabbed some random drinks and the total was £6.66. How spooky is that?!”

(The customer behind him turned to me and just raised her eyebrows!)

5 Stories Of The Oncoming Winter

Not Always Right | Roundups

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of The Oncoming Winter With the passing of the Autumnal Equinox earlier this week, summer is officially over! Winter is coming, and so are its customers!

  1. Homeless Is Where The Heart Is (3,643 thumbs up)
  2. Losing Cruise Control (3,843 thumbs up)
  3. Four Legged Friends And Their Two Legged Twits (3,196 thumbs up)
  4. Lack Of Heir Conditioning (2,681 thumbs up)
  5. A Pal-Tree Understanding Of Plants (2,572 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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