French Disconnection

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

Customer:John Dark.”

(I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

(At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

(I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

(I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

(A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”


Sharing A Story About Not Sharing

| CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(A coworker is offering macaroons at work. He had never had them before but had bought a whole lot of them, and we get to hear the story of why he had bought them.)

Coworker: “There’s a cake shop near my house. I go there all the time, and there’s a regular customer I see there who is really mean. That day she said she was going to buy some macaroons and not share any with her grandkids. I was ahead of her in line, so when it was my turn, I said ‘I’d like to buy all your macaroons!.'”

Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

| MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

| San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work in a hotel lounge where only exclusive hotel members have access. In the evening we serve appetizers. A man who is a vegetarian is staying and asks for vegetarian food everyday. The day I did have it, he didn’t take any so I saved him a bit for the next night.)

Guest: “Do you have any vegetarian food tonight?”

Me: “No, but I saved some pasta from last night for you.”

Guest: “Beef?”

Me: “No, no beef. It’s the one I told you about last night.”

Guest: “The one with beef?”

Me: “It doesn’t have beef. It’s the vegetarian pasta from last night.”

Guest: “Oh yeah! From last night! It has… a little… little bit of beef?”

Me: “No beef. It’s vegetarian.”

Guest: “Not vegetarian?”

Me: “It IS vegetarian.”

Guest: “So, no meat?”

Me: “…no meat, sir.”

Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Crazy Requests

(Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

(Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

Me: “Are you already registered?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

(This continues three or four more times.)

Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

(Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*

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