Under-wear Me Out

| USA | Right | September 26, 2015

(A guest, an old skinny man, comes down in nothing but boxers. I am female. He’s a long term regular.)

Guest: “Oh… I thought… what happened with that other feller that was here b’fore?”

Me: “He left already. You know, you can’t… um, walk around with nothing on.”

Guest: “I HAVE SOMETHING ON! I’M NOT NEKKID! Oh well, I’d like a wake up call at…” *mumble*

Me: “At when?”

Guest: *suddenly yelling* “AT FAH O’ CLOCK!”

Me: “Five o’ clock?”

Guest: “‘S what I said.”

Me: “Okay.”

Guest: “Well?…You don’t even know which room I’m in?!”

Me: “Room 111 right?”

Guest: *looks dumbstruck* “How…?”

Me: “You stay here every night. I know who you are, Mr. [Name].”

Guest: *nods and wanders off*

(I heard a scream. A young mother and child walking down had seen him, in his underwear.)

The Tale Ends With A Twist

| GA, USA | Right | September 26, 2015

(I’m working customer service. Two older ladies approach my desk with a tension rod, for curtains, which adjusts to the width of the window.)

Customer #1: “I need to return this. It doesn’t work.”

Me: “All right, do you have your receipt?”

(Customer #1 hands me the receipt, then answers a call on her cell, so her friend steps in.)

Customer #2: “She really just wants to exchange it for one that works. It just doesn’t extend, see?”

(Customer #2 pulls on the end of the rod in an attempt to make it extend. Nothing happens.)

Me: “Hmm, that’s odd. Let me take a look.”

(I take the rod and gently tug on it. Nothing happens, so I twist it… Lo and behold, it starts extending. In the meantime, Customer #2 has turned around to talk to Customer #1, who is still on the phone.)

Me: *with rod several feet longer than original length* “So how long did you need it to be?”

(Both ladies turn around and stare in wonder.)

Both: “How did you DO that?”

Me: “You just have to twist it. Did you still need to exchange it, or will this one be fine?”

Customer #1: “I didn’t think to TWIST it! Thank you! Yes, this one will be fine!”

(They were both super nice, and gave me a good laugh, especially the look on their faces when I got it to work.)

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Lost In Retail Space

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | September 26, 2015

(I’m working the register when I see an unusual sight: a young boy, about 12, pushing a cart filled with clothes, followed by his grandmother and little brother. The boy keeps pushing to the checkout, but the rest of his family gets a little distracted; the grandmother starts checking out clothes further in, while the brother wanders away. Unsure if the boy has noticed, I decide to say something.)

Me: “I think you lost your family.”

Boy: “I’m okay with that.”

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Christmas Is Coming…

| Right | September 26, 2015


Regina Phalange Calling

| Derbyshire, England, UK | Right | September 25, 2015

(My dad works in TV licensing, the main role of which is issuing warnings to people who haven’t paid their licenses. This exchange takes place as he’s reading back a form to a suspected license fraud filled in earlier in the day.)

Dad: “I think this either made the stupidest attempt not to get caught ever or she’s taking the p***.”

Me: “Why?”

Dad: “Well, under ‘name’ she’s put ‘Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock.'”

(I crack up, recognising the ‘Friends’ reference.)

Dad: “Hey, I’m the one who has to go back and sort this!”

Me: “Okay, here’s what you need to do…”

(I tell my dad a few ‘Friends’ quotes to slip into conversation, to make it clear he knows what she’s doing. Apparently she paid up (under her real name) as she didn’t think anyone would remember that show!)

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