He’s Got The Bear Necessities

| MN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

(I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

Boy: “YEAH!”

Snide Salad

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am a customer at a restaurant. I overhear an exchange while I am waiting for my pickup order.)

Customer: “Waiter?”

Waiter: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “Uh, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said, where is my side salad?”

Waiter: “You ordered a salad, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Waiter: “Salads don’t come with side salads.”

Customer: “But it said on the menu that orders came with side salads.”

Waiter: “It said in the entree section that orders came with salads, not in the salad category.”

Customer: “I WANT MY SIDE SALAD!”

Waiter: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give you a side salad for your salad.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. Every time I’ve come here, I have received a side salad.”

Waiter: “Have you ever ordered the salad as a main course before?”

Customer: “No, but—”

Waiter: “Exactly. We only provide side salads for things that are in the entree section. We do not give side salads to people who order salads.”

Customer: “BUT WHY NOT?!”

Fraud-ian Slip

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I work in a call center as a fraud specialist. It is not uncommon to get calls from people trying to contest escort or porn charges as fraud when they’re really not.)

Caller: “I have a charge on here for over five grand. I didn’t charge that; it’s fraud.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear it. I can help with that.”

(I pull up the charge, and see another charge for a tow truck and parking ticket in the same state the other charges was made.)

Me: “I see here that the charge is for an escort service. The physical card was present, as well. You have not been traveling, is that correct?”

Caller: “That’s right, and I have my credit card, too.”

Me: “Sir, thank you for the information. Please hold while I get more information on this merchant.”

(While the caller is holding, I call the merchant directly. I already know he’s lying, but I have to prove it without calling him a liar. The merchant was not at all surprised, and was delighted to provide me with a copy of his driver’s license and imprint of the card with signature on the sales draft. Not only that, but they even give me the name and room number of the hotel he stayed in when he used their escort service.)

Me: “Sir, thank you for holding. I found out more about the charge. But I want to go over your last valid charges. Did you recently get a ticket or paid for towing service?”

Caller: “Yeah, that charge is okay.”

Me: “Sir, that charge shows the card was swiped, which means you were in that state, right?”

Caller: “Uh… yeah…”

Me: “And did you stay at [Hotel], room 2058?”

Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “Sir, I contacted the merchant and they verified all of your information, and even offered to send a copy of your driver’s license and signature. It’s because of that we can’t accept this charge as fraud.”

Caller: “So what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you still have options. You may still be able to dispute the charge as a billing dispute in the event that you didn’t receive any products or services, or the services were not as agreed upon, or you can contact the merchant directly. Were you not satisfied with the services you received?”

Caller: *click*

Failed The Balancing Act

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I am working at a busy café, serving a customer who is busy gossiping with her friend.)

Me: “So, your total comes to $4.95.”

(The customer hands me her pre-loaded store card without saying a word. I swipe for payment.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like your balance is reduced to zero now. You just owe $0.35.”

Customer: “YOU USED THE CARD?!”

Me: “Yes, you gave it to me.”

Customer: “Oh my God! I just wanted the balance!”

Me: “Okay, well you should say that when you hand me the card after I ask you for payment.”

Customer: “UGH! Like… I have change!”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry that you weren’t aware.”

Customer: “Just give me the d*** balance!”

Me: “You have no money on the card. I told you your total. You gave me your card without saying anything. And so I used it. And now there is no money on it. And you still owe me $0.35.”

(The customer gets red-faced, pays the remainder, and still tries to act cool leaving.)

No Common Scents, Part 3

| Wellington, New Zealand | Bizarre, Technology, Transportation

(I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Not a problem.”

Related:
No Common Scents, Part 2
No Common Scents