Sunday Funday

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: “It’s a Sunday! You all shouldn’t be working; I feel so sorry for you.”

Me: “I’d rather be home, but the shops stay open so we have to work.”

Customer:  “Why don’t they just stay closed?”

Me: “Well if people didn’t shop on Sundays, there would be no need for us to open.”

Customer: “They should cancel all Sunday shopping so that you can be home with your family.”

Me: “I’d sure love that! Maybe you should be home with yours, too?”

Customer: “But my family is here! We’re all shopping together!”

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An Emerging Emergency

| Oceanside, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(A tenant was upset that she had called the maintenance emergency number at midnight on a Saturday night, and they did not respond immediately. She came into my office the following Monday morning to explain her ’emergency.’)

Tenant: “I had a leak from my bathtub faucet. I put a bucket in the bathtub to catch the leak. It got worse and the bucket overflowed. Don’t you consider that an emergency?”

Me: “Did the overflow go down the bathtub drain?”

Tenant: “Yes.”

Me: “Did any water leak outside of the bathtub?”

Tenant: “No.”

Me: “No, we do not consider a leak contained in the bathtub as an emergency.”

No End To The Weekends

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hello! Please, we would like to come to your play this weekend and we see that it sold out. We have waited all year and this is the only weekend we can get out of all the madness in our lives. Please, please, please, any chance we can get tickets? I’ll bake and bring cookies! Scream! Please?!”

Me: “We had a couple cancellations on Friday, so I can actually get you in at 11 pm. We really like cookies.”

Customer: “We were actually hoping for Sunday.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a show on Sunday. Let me know if you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday.”

Customer: “What about 9 pm on Saturday?”

Me: “We are completely sold out on Saturday. Do you want the tickets for 11 pm on Friday?”

Customer: “We actually can’t do Friday, so we’ll just come next weekend.”

The Fall Of The Call

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. What can I get you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want a large pepperoni pizza, no pepperoni, and six orders of fries.”

Me: *click*

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want a dozen cheeseburgers, hold the cheese, and four fries.”

Me: *click*

(Five minutes later:)

Me: “Thanks for calling [National Pizza Chain]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have gum?”

Me: “No, but I do have caller id, and will be giving your number to the police if you call here again.”

Caller: *click*

To Hang Up Would Be Poetic Justice

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working the closing shift in the electronics department, which is in charge of video games and the photo lab in addition to the actual electronics section. We’re currently running an upgrade on our photo lab’s software, and I’m expecting a call from corporate to check up on the progress of the upgrade. An outside call comes in on my phone. It’s not corporate but a male customer who sounds perfectly normal. I am also male.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, what’s the price on your Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare?”

Me: “I can check on that for you. I think it’s $59.99, but I’ll be able to confirm that for you in just a second…”

(As I’m walking over to the video game section, the customer begins reading me some of the most bizarre, suggestive, awful love poetry you’ve ever heard and starts making advances. I assume he wrote the poetry himself. This freaks me out, and I end the call immediately and call my team leader to let her know what had just happened.)

Me: “Hey, if you hear that I just disconnected a call, I did. Some guy called and started reading me poetry.”

(My team leader hears this and starts cracking up.)

Team Leader: “What? You should’ve transferred that call to me! I would’ve had fun with the guy!”

(‘Poetry Guy’ became an inside joke around the store. Every time I got a call from another one of my coworkers that night, they ‘read’ me poetry!)

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