It’s The Principle Of The Matter

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

(I am second in line, and it’s early morning on a Thursday. The area has just gotten a severe weather warning about freezing rain and hail. In front of me is a chipper customer chatting with the clerk as she pays for her 40-oz bottles of malt liquor.)

Customer: “I got four of these. Does the two for five bucks still apply?”

Clerk: “Sure does. You got the day off, do you?”

Customer: “Yep, I work for the school district, and school’s been cancelled! I’m gonna get shit-faced before noon!”

Clerk: *slightly shocked* “Okay, well, that’s $10.20. Have fun.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m not teaching your kids. I’m the principal!”

Their IQ Has Been Frozen For A While

| LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer #1: “Oh, you have frozen margaritas?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Let’s get some of those!”

Customer #2: “Frozen? No, you know I only do fresh. That applies to booze, too!”

A Sickening Request

| Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier in a gourmet grocery store known for its healthier food options. The store provides coffee samples with napkins and stirrers, and a lot of customers end up asking us to throw their unused napkins away. A customer approaches me with a full basket.)

Customer: “Geez, it’s terrible how sick everyone’s getting. Is anyone out sick here?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re pretty short handed here today.”

Customer: “Well, you know with a job like this you have to be extra careful! So many people touching things and breathing the same air! It’s so easy for gals like you to get sick.” *she produces a napkin from her hand. It’s balled up* “By the way, could you throw this away for me?”

(I cringe but can’t refuse, and after a moment I finish ringing her up.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Thanks for being so quick, hon. I gotta get home soon. I’m not feeling great and think I got a cold!”