Can’t Do ‘Without’

| Coquitlam, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’ve had a lengthy day and am fairly tired as I approach the snack bar at a movie theatre. I’m thinking that I’d like popcorn without butter, but for some reason my mind has forgotten the word ‘without’ and I can only think ‘unbutter popcorn.’ I know that’s ridiculous and I’m still trying to straighten out my thoughts as the server/cashier comes up.)

Her: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Me: “Oh, just butter.”

Marie, Marie, Quite Contrary

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Funny Names

(Though I’m not the receptionist, I answer the main phone line at work, so I’m responsible for routing calls and answering general questions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can I talk to Marie?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have anyone here by that name.”

Caller: “Marie Stevens?”

Me: “Sorry, there’s still no one here named Marie.”

This Flowered Into Nothing

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(It is pouring down rain, and I’m called outside to help a customer in the garden area. I get soaked within seconds, and find an elderly woman gazing at hanging baskets.)

Woman: “I’m looking for flowers to refill my hanging basket.”

Me: “Well, we have a large variety of flowers right now. All would look lovely in a basket, or we have the pre-filled baskets ready to go and in bloom.”

Woman: “I want the same thing I got last year.” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “Uh… did you get it here? Perhaps a fuchsia?”

(At this point I am shaking from cold and wondering what exactly she wants from me.)

Woman: “Just grab the one I bought last year. I don’t know where I got it, but I want the same one.

Me: I’m sorry; I don’t know what you had last year. Do any of these flowers look familiar?”

Woman: “Oh, I don’t know. Why can’t you remember what I bought? I just want the same flowers! Just help me!”

Me: *desperate to leave* “I think you bought fuchsias last year! Right here!” *shows her the plant*

Woman: “Oh, yes, thank you! Oh, those are much too expensive. Well, have a good day!”

(She bought nothing, took 15 minutes of my day, and left me sopping wet and freezing. I love customer service.)