As Sick As A Parrot

| New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(My friend is a small-mammal handler at a zoo. Today, she’s taken a particularly docile ferret out to let visitors encounter it first-hand. A couple comes in with a young child. I’m standing in the background.)

Mother: “Ooh, look, the zoo lady’s got a baby raccoon!”

Father: “That’s some sort of weasel!”

Child: “Mom, I wanna see the octopus.”

Mother: “Let’s go see the nice lady with the raccoon.”

Father: “Weasel.”

(The mother gives the father a look and then approaches my friend.)

Mother: “‘Excuse me, miss, what kind of animal is that?”

Friend: “This is a ferret. Her name is [Name] and she’s very friendly. You can pet her if you take care to avoid—”

Father: “Parrot!? That’s a weasel!”

Friend: “It’s a ferret. They’re in the weasel family, like—”

Father: “You sure?”

Friend: “Yes, very sure. Ferrets are among—”

Father: “Let’s go see the octopus, [Child].”

(They leave in a hurry. Curious, I follow them outside.)

Father: “D*** thing must have been sick. Pretty irresponsible of them to expose us to a sick parrot.”

Child: “Ferret.”

Father: “We just saw the parrot. I thought you wanted to see the octopus.”

Child: “Daddy, is your hearing aid on?”

No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

Related:
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
No Meat In Their Brain

Coupon Complications! Theme Of The Month Roundup

Not Always Right | Roundups

Coupon Complications! Theme Of The Month Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s theme of the month!

  1. Save Us From The Super Savers (979 thumbs up)
  2. Causing Bay-hem (1,073 thumbs up)
  3. Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar (1,230 thumbs up)
  4. Self-Helpless Against Stupidity (1,344 thumbs up)
  5. A Lack Of Branding Understanding (1,488 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Banking On The Go(ing)

| Fairbanks, AK, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(While shopping I need to use the restroom, after going in I hear the following conversation:)

Other Occupant: “Yeah, I’d like to know why my bank charged me this amount. Huh? Hold on sweetie. I can’t hear you.” *puts phone on speaker* “What was that?”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “I need your account number ,ma’am, before I can look up anything.”

Other Occupant: “Oh, sure, it’s [number].”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “Okay, that charge was an excess transfer fee.”

Other Occupant: “Hold on.”

(The other occupant flushes the toilet.)

Other Occupant: *walking past* “So what is an excess transfer fee?”

Poor Customer Service Agent: “Um…”

(The worst part? She didn’t wash her hands as she left.)

Courting Disaster

| Coeur d' Alene, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(It’s my first day working at my new career. I just graduated college and my boss asked me to call a client and remind them their sentencing is tomorrow. It’s the Thursday prior to Memorial Day weekend. This is my first client call:)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Law Office]. I’m calling to remind you that your sentencing is tomorrow at 1:00 pm. [Lawyer] asks that you meet him in front of the courthouse at 12:45 pm or so.”

Client: “Oh! Well, I don’t think I can make it.”

Me: “What?”

Client: “Yeah, um, I don’t think I can make it. I just gassed up my motorhome and I’m leaving for Memorial Day tomorrow morning.”

(At this point, I was completely floored and not sure what to do. It’s court… not a choice. Do I explain that she’s going to have a warrant if she doesn’t show? I told her I will talk to my boss and get back to her. He ended up calling her. She did show up for court.)

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