When The Cat’s Away The Pranks Come Out To Play

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(It’s a very slow day so I decide to take one of our cats out of her cage and hold her. She’s slung herself over my shoulder when a guy walks in.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: *staring at the cat* “Holy s***! Is that thing real?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Nope. It’s a new animatronic model from Google. We’re testing them in stores to eventually give people an option for a pet without the mess!”

Customer: “That’s so awesome!! I have to tell my friends!”

(He ran out the store before I could tell him I was joking.)

Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

Manager: “No, we–”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Listen To The Irony Of The Situation

| Abilene, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work as a cashier in a grocery store that values guest service very highly. We’re expected to greet, converse with, and thank every customer. My current customer, a young woman, is talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer #1: *talking on phone* “… and then we went to the mall and shopped for mom’s birthday…”

(Noticing she’s on her phone, I don’t attempt to make any more conversation other than ‘paper or plastic’ and ‘sign here, please.’ She doesn’t say a word to me. I then turn to the next person in line, an older lady shopping with a friend.)

Me: “Hi! Did y’all find everything you needed today?”

Customer #2: *ignoring me, speaking to her friend* “Can you believe that girl? When I’m working at [Retailer], I won’t ring them up until they get off the phone. So rude!”

Me: “Would you like your milk in a bag, ma’am?”

Customer #2: *still speaking to friend* “I mean, is your conversation SO important that you can’t pay attention to the person in front of you?”

Me: “Your total is [amount]. Can you sign the screen, please?”

Customer #2: *signs without looking at me, still chatting* “Common courtesy is dead, I’m afraid.”

Me: *quietly bagging the groceries* “Thank you. Here is your receipt. Have a nice day.”

(They left without a word. Some people just aren’t very self-aware, I guess!)

All Fired Up And Fried Up

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I have a headset on to assist drive-thru…)

Cashier: “You had the burger and a coke. Any fries today?”

Customer: *grumpy*: “No fries!”

Cashier: “Okay. And what size for your drink?”

Customer: “NO FRIES!”

Cashier: “I know, but what size for your drink? Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “I said NO FRIES!”

Cashier: “Okay. The burger and a coke…”

Customer: “LISTEN, YOU LITTLE B****! I said I didn’t want fries! Don’t you f****** listen?!”

(She drives up to the first window and I’m ticked off, so I take it. She hands me her credit card.)

Me: “DON’T SWEAR AT MY COWORKERS!”

Customer: “Well, she wasn’t listening!”

Me: “Yes, she was. You didn’t. She asked what size of drink. She didn’t say a damn word about fries after you said you didn’t want any.”

Customer: “I want your manager.”

(I call for manager.)

Customer: “I want—”

Me: “Nope. You want the manager, not me, so you’re getting the manager.” *I still have her card so she can’t leave*

(The manager comes and the customer complains about my attitude to her. The manager says exactly what I did, not to swear at us, it’s her own fault, and not to come back. Haven’t seen her since.)

Electronic Moronic

| Augusta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a big box electronics store, which is all we sell, and am answering the phones.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need your electronics department.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Which section?”

Caller: “Your electronics department.”

Me: “We are only an electronics store, ma’am. Did you need computers, TVs, phones?”

Caller: “Electronics, please. I have already told you this.”

Me: “Yes, and as I have said we only sell electronics and I need to know what you are looking for.”

Caller: “Godd*** it, I already told you. Electronics!”

Me: “Please hold.”

(I place the customer on hold and turn to a coworker.)

Me: “Answer this and just say electronics so we can find out what she needs.”

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