Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

| Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

(I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

Teenage Boy: *silence*

Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 5

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I am a female and have worked in the same supermarket for the past five years. I used to be blond, but I decide to dye my hair red. Most people have commented about how they like the new color, and how it suits me, and how they don’t recognize me.)

Customer: “Oh, I see you have dyed your hair. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

Me: “Yeah, I was fed up with the original color, so I went for a change.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like it. I want you to change it right now.”

Me: “You want me to leave work and pay to have my hair dyed a different color because you don’t like it?”

Customer: “Yes, why is that a problem?”

(The customer then stands there for another five minutes waiting for me to leave the till to go re-dye my hair.)

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot leave my till until I finish work.”

Customer: “Well that is just rude. I expect your hair color to be different when I next come in.”

(The customer walks off. I look at my coworker, who looks just as confused as me.)

Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

Related:
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
Makes You Want To Dye A Little

Breaking The Bathroom Breaking

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I am taking a four-plus hour flight. It’s a full flight, so our row is full. I’m in the middle seat. The passenger in the window seat is ordering carbonated water and alcohol every time the flight attendant comes by. She has been doing this for hours and is getting up to pee every few minutes; aggravating the rest of us.)

Window Passenger: *to the aisle passenger in the seat next to her* “Can you move? I need to use the bathroom.”

Aisle Passenger: *in aisle seat* “You’ve been doing this every few minutes! Could we switch seats? It’ll be easier if you have the aisle seat.”

Window Passenger: “No! I want this window seat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

(She goes, comes back, sits down, and orders another water, which she gulps down. Eight minutes pass.)

Window Passenger: “Excuse me, move! I need to get to the bathroom!”

(She goes. The aisle passenger and I are both tired, because we’re trying to sleep and she keeps waking us, and we’re angry because her shoes are getting dirt on us.)

Me: “Look, man, move into the window seat. I’ll deal with her.”

(He moves into the window seat just as she comes back. The window passenger instantly yells at him.)

Window Passenger: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SEAT?!”

Me: “I told him to move there.”

Window Passenger: “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!”

Me: “YOU have no right! You’ve made 24 bathroom trips in three hours. We’re trying to sleep, and you’re climbing over us every few minutes and getting dirt from your shoes on our clothes! You left bruises on my leg where you climbed on it! This guy offered to let you sit in the aisle seat, and you said no!”

Window Passenger: “B****! I’LL TELL THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT!”

(The flight attendant is called, and I tell him the story.)

Flight Attendant: *to the window passenger* “Normally, ma’am, I’d side with you, but in this case, I think the young lady is right. It’s very disruptive to our other passengers for you to be climbing over them every few minutes. The gentleman vacated a perfectly good aisle seat, which you will have to use as the flight is full.”

Window Passenger: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME!”

(She does, however, sit down and stop ordering drinks. She sulks for the rest of the flight, and upon landing, rushes off the plane as fast as she can.)

CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

(I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman, and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

(He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

(She runs over.)

Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

(She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

(He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over; I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s post-ictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

(Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

Woman: “I’m [Woman].”

Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [Teenage Girl]. Do you remember what happened?”

Woman: “Yeah, I laid down, and then I woke up like this.”

Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

(The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

Medic #1: “What happened here?”

Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Post-ictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

(The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)

Acting Childish

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

(Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”

Childs Parent: “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DELIBERATELY TRIED TO HURT MY SON! YOU MONSTER! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

(The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”