We Will Never Be Loyals

Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | January 9, 2016

(I’m at the register, paying for my items…)

Cashier: “Hi. Do you have your loyalty card ready?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. I’m not very loyal to one shop!”

Cashier: *laughs, and then looks at me properly for the first time* “Oh, I can see that!”

(Thanks…?)

Got This Money-Saving Thing Wrapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | January 9, 2016

(Our store does complimentary gift wrapping. We are required to ask if the gift is for a man or woman. A man comes up to the register and purchases a gift. He mentioned while looking around earlier that he is a little low on cash.)

Me: “Your total comes to [Price]. Do you need this gift wrapped?”

Customer: “Is it free?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Then yes.”

Me: “Is it for a man or woman?”

Customer: “Why, would it be $0.70 cheaper if it was for a woman?”

(I almost dropped his purchase I was laughing so hard. I gave him a 10% discount for making my day!)

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 23

| Canada | Right | January 9, 2016

(I get a call where the modem is online and other devices can connect to the wifi, but the computer that is connected to the modem with a network cable can’t get online. I log into the modem and can see that it’s not detecting anything plugged into it.)

Me: “…so it’s probably just a loose cable. So can you please check the cable at the back of the modem?”

Customer: “Yeah, it seemed a bit loose, but now it’s in tight.”

Me: “That’s strange; I still can’t see it. Is the computer on right now?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Because I can’t see it if it’s not turned on.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s on.”

Me: “Okay, then, can you please check the cable at the back of the computer and make sure it’s not loose there?”

Customer: “It’s tight.”

Me: “I still can’t see it. Maybe it’s a bad port. Can you move the cable in the back of the modem to the next square hole over, please?”

Customer: “Okay, done.”

Me: “I still can’t see it from here. Can you get online yet?”

Customer: “No, it’s still not working.”

Me: “Okay, then, let’s try the next port over. Now, the computer is on, right?”

Customer: “”Yeah, it’s on.”

(We spend the next ten minutes trying every port in the back of the modem, having them try a second “network” cable (that ends up being just a regular phone cord from the fax machine, which of course doesn’t work). I still can’t get the modem to see the connection or the computer online, and they don’t have any other laptops or anything that we can plug in instead to test the cable. Finally…)

Me: “Okay, I don’t know why the modem can’t see the computer. The cable seems to be in decent shape, and I can’t believe that all four ports spontaneously died at once. I’ve got to check what IP your computer’s getting. Go over to it, please, and click on the Start button in the bottom left corner of your screen, then “All Programs”–”

Customer: “Just a sec; I have to turn the computer on.”

Me: *in disbelief* “The computer isn’t on.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I asked you a few times if it was on. You told me it was.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Because I can’t see the connection if the computer’s not on!”

Customer: “Yeah. Sorry.”

(As soon as the computer was on, we checked her Internet, and lo and behold, it was working. The network cable had been loose after all; and we had spent the next half hour or so trying to troubleshoot a problem that didn’t exist for a computer that wasn’t even on! And customers wonder why tech support agents tend to talk to them like they’re morons. Statistically, they probably are.)

 

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Taconfusing

| Parker, CO, USA | Right | January 9, 2016

(My mom and I are going through the drive through and we gave our usual order. My mom decides she wants a little more.)

Mom: *into the speaker* “I’d also like to add a crunchy soft taco, beef with no sour cream.”

Worker: “Ok, that’ll be… Wait, what type of beef taco did you want?”

Mom: *totally oblivious to the fact that she is contradicting herself* “CRUNCHY SOFT TACO, PLEASE!”

Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it isn’t possible for a taco to be crunchy and soft.”

Mom: “Oh, whoops! Well… forget it, then.”

Gone With The Memory

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | January 9, 2016

(From the time of its initial home video release in the early 1980s, Gone With The Wind was only available as a deluxe package costing roughly $100 or more. This changed in 1998 when, in preparation for its 60th anniversary the following year, the film was finally released at the “sell through” price of $19.99. The video sold like hotcakes; we could hardly keep it in stock. One customer was very excited when her reserved copy came in:)

Customer: “I am sooooo happy they’re finally putting this out at a decent price!”

Me: “Yeah, it took ’em long enough.”

Customer: “I know, and it’s just soooo goooood!”

Me: “One of the greats.”

Customer: “It is. Man, I remember when it first came out.”

(I should’ve left well enough alone, but seeing that this woman couldn’t have been more than 30 years of age, my inner movie nerd just couldn’t stay quiet.)

Me: “You remember when it came out?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You?”

Customer: “Yes, it was a very big deal.”

Me: “I know… but it came out in 1939.”

Customer: “It did?”

Me: “Yes, you can look at the date on the back of the package.”

Customer: *looking at the back of the box* “Huh… Well, I wasn’t alive then.”

Me: “Few of us were.”

Customer: *with an “a-ha!” smile* “I remember when they put it to color.”

Me: “It was shot in color.”

Customer: *red in the face* “Well… I REMEMBER SOMETHIN’!”

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