Hurt By His Own Hand

| Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(We have been closed for about 15 minutes. Our store manager always stands at the door to let workers out to make sure they are safe.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

Manager: “Yes, sir, for about 15 minutes.”

Drunk Guy: “But I need my smokes, mate.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, we have locked up the smoke shop.”

(The drunk guy starts getting really hostile towards my manager.)

Drunk Guy: “I need my f****** smokes.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, but we are closed.”

Drunk Guy: “Well f*** you.”

(He walked out and hit the glass with his palm and it left a massive crack. He ran off, jumped in his car, and sped away.  Luckily, one of the other customers got his number plate. What he did not realise is that he left his hand print on the glass. The police came and it turned out he had a criminal record for being drunk and disorderly. Payback is sweet.)

It’s Time To Show Them The Door

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a movie theater that has its last show times at 10:30. We close 30 minutes after the last show time. A group of customers show up right at 11 and try to open our locked doors. Instead of realizing that we are closed, they start banging on the door to be let in. I try to ignore it, but my coworker gives in and opens the door for them.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are closed for the night.”

Customer: “No, you’re not; you have a show time of 1 am for [Popular Movie] right there on your screen.”

Coworker: “Actually that was for 1 pm, not 1 am. We close at 11.”

Customer: “But your board says 1 am! Right there, look.”

Coworker: “I am sorry for the confusion, but that is definitely not for 1 am. We don’t have staff here past 12 at night to sell tickets.”

Customer: “Then why did you open the door?”

Coworker: “I opened the door to tell you we are closed.”

Customer: “But you opened the door! If you open it, doesn’t that mean you are open?”

Coworker: “Um…”

(I step in at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry, but we honestly don’t have any times past 10:30 at night.”

Customer: “Can’t you just turn the projector on for us to watch the movie?”

Me: “No, we can’t, because our systems are automated. We have very little control on when the movies get played.”

Customer: “Then why did you open the door! You really shouldn’t open the door for someone if you are closed.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t want to be rude, but you were practically banging our door down.”

Customer: “Because I didn’t know you were closed! How was I supposed to know that you were closed?”

Me: “Because the door was locked?”

Customer: “But I didn’t know it was locked!”

Me: “But you couldn’t open the door…”

Customer: “I thought it was stuck or something!”

Me: “But not locked?”

Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard for you to understand?!”

(The customer storms off with her group. She then turns back.)

Customer: “Lock your d*** door next time!”

It’s All Peachy

, | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

(I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

(He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

(Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

Life Without Coffee Is A Scream

, | QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer at a local coffee shop. There are several people in line behind me, so I order and pay and then step out of the way while the barista makes my drink.)

Barista: “One [drink I ordered]!”

(I didn’t think my drink would be ready so quickly given how busy they are, but nobody else steps forward, so I take it.)

Me: “Thanks!”

Angry Lady: “What the h***? That’s my coffee!” *to the barista* “This woman just stole my f****** coffee!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, was this yours?”

Angry Lady: “Of course it’s f****** mine! F*** you! What gives you the right to take my coffee?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I ordered the same thing, and nobody stepped up to take it so I thought it was mine.”

Angry Lady: “F*** you! You’re just a broke [racial slur] loitering outside a coffee shop trying to steal other people’s food! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Barista: “Actually, ma’am, this lady ordered and paid for the same drink as you. She has already apologised for her mistake, and if you just wait a moment, I’m making her drink now and you can take that one.”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I’d give this back but I already took a sip. If you take my drink we’ll both have what we ordered.”

Angry Lady: “I don’t want your f****** coffee. I want mine!”

Barista: “Ma’am, they are exactly the same, and please stop cursing. There are children here.”

Angry Lady: “Go f*** yourself!”

(She grabs the coffee out of my hand, flings it on the ground at my feet, throws the empty cup at the barista, and then storms off without a drink.)

Barista: *shrugs* “Shame she chucked that coffee on the ground. I think she needs it!”

(She finished making my drink. The angry lady was nowhere to be seen, so I took it and left. It was the best coffee I’d had all week!)

A Do-Not-Disturbing Amount Of Stupidity

| SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: “My room is filthy! I demand a free night! This is ridiculous! Give me your corporate number!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Give me your room number and I’ll sort this out!”

Guest: “209.”

Me: “Ma’am, it says you’ve been in this room three days. We have a housekeeper going to your room to clean it today. They’ll be there at 9 am. We have it listed that your room had a do not disturb sign for the last three days. Please remove it from your card slot and your room will be cleaned.”

Guest: “Well how the f*** was I supposed to know they wouldn’t come if that was there? You should tell people that! Poor service! Get to my room NOW and do your job! Idiots!”

Me: “…yes, ma’am.”

(She did this two more times in her two week stay, never once taking the do-not-disturb sign of her door.)

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