He’s Not Exactly Professor X(Ray)

| UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(An elderly man in a wheelchair comes into the clinic waiting room accompanied by his adult son. This clinic is held upstairs.)

Nurse: “Mr. [Man]?”

Man: “Yep.”

Nurse: “You’ll need an x-ray before you see [Consultant].”

Man: “I’m not having no x-ray. I’ve had enough x-rays!”

Nurse: “Well, [Consultant] has requested a new x-ray before he sees you today.”

Man: “No, I’m not having no x-ray.”

Nurse: “Did you want me to cancel your appointment today, then?”

Man: “No, I’m here. I want my appointment.”

Nurse: Well, [Consultant] can’t do anything unless you have a new x-ray.”

Man: “Fine! I’ll have the x-ray.”

Nurse: “Okay, then. If you’ll just take the lift to go downstairs to x-ray—”

Man: “Down? I’ve just come up in the lift! I’m not going down again! I’ve had enough of this: up in the lift, down in the lift. I don’t like lifts! I’m not going down in any lift. You can’t make me.”

Son: “I reckon you’ll be staying here all night, then, Dad. We’re on the second floor.”

The Poster Child For Unreasonableness, Part 2

| USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

(This customer has spent 10 minutes complaining about minor things from her recent cruise from the weather to the color of the carpet.)

Customer: “Also, every night at dinner the unruly children we sat with would cry, whine, and pitch a fit. It wasn’t the upscale experience we expected and ruined our entire cruise.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. As you are traveling again this year, I can certainly have a bottle of wine sent to your room for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I hope you’ll do the same for my sister and her family. She always travels with us, so it would only be fair.

Me: *pulls up reservation* “I see you were scheduled to sit with her and her three children on the last cruise. Did they not accommodate you to dine together?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. We had a table of six.”

Me: “… So the unruly children?”

Customer: “Her bratty kids should never have been allowed in the dining room!”

The Poster Child For Unreasonableness

Planning Your Trip Is A Fine Art

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre

(I am working for an interior decorating company, and we are clearing out our inventory of framed art for the season. I load up the vehicle and hit a road full of office complexes to see if anyone wants the art wholesale for the office or home or whatnot. I come to a large office full of cubicles and some employees buy a few. The final person I talk to appears to be the head boss man of the company. I poke my head into his office.)

Me: “Morning, sir.”

(I wave.)

Boss: “What do you want?”

Me: “Well, this seems a bit random, but my company’s clearing out a bunch of nice framed art wholesale, and we were wondering if you’d like anything for your office or home?”

(He looks at me VERY sternly for what seems like a whole minute of angry silence.)

Boss: “What do you have that goes good with acid?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Boss: “You know; stuff that looks neat while you’re on acid.”

Me: “Umm, we have some Van Gogh, Dali, and some new art from David Garibaldi.”

Boss: “Bring em in!”

(I go outside and haul in probably a dozen pieces of art and lay them along the wall in front of his desk so he can see them. Another painfully quiet moment goes by while he looks them over.)

Boss: “I’ll take the whole lot! You take credit right?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like any of these hung up?”

Boss: “Yeah, put that trippy-a** clock one over there.”

(Possibly one of the more memorable customers in my two years with that company.)

Roadkill Is A Feline-y

| UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Transportation

(I’ve just started working on the reception and a customer comes rushing in.)

Customer: “Oh, my god, you have to help. I’ve just run over a cat!”

Me: “I think the vet is still in the building. If you bring the cat straight through to the back I’ll run and get him.”

Customer: “I don’t have it with me!”

Me: “Is someone else bringing it in? How injured is it? We can get everything ready.”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on [motorway at least 10 miles away], and I just wanted you to let the owner know.”

Me: “So… you hit it on the motorway? And you want me to find the owner and let them know?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I already feel terribly guilty and would feel worse knowing the owner didn’t know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do my best. Thanks?”

Gno Entry

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(Our front desk is very large, and in the winter it can get chilly. We recently installed a large piece of glass to help deflect the cold air coming from the entrance. By the end of the first week I was tired of answering the same two questions about the glass.)

Regular Patron: “This glass is new. When was it put in?”

Me: “Monday.”

Regular Patron: “Why did they put it in?”

Me: “To keep the gnomes out.”

Regular Patron: *nods slowly and gravely* “Oh, yes, I understand.”

(The patron walked off perfectly satisfied.)

Page 907/2,941First...905906907908909...Last