Trying Your Patients

| New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

Charge Nurse: “Hello.”

Caller: “Is Mr [Name] one of your patients?”

Charge Nurse: “Yes. Why?”

Caller: “He’s in the gynaecology ward. Please retrieve him.”

Charge Nurse: “How did he get there? He needs one assist just to walk around his bed!”

Caller: “Well, either the dementia made him forget he couldn’t walk or he’s just been alone for too long in life.”

Charge Nurse: “Pardon me? I’m sure he’s just in his bed in his room”

Caller: “Look, just come and get him. He took the elevator up four floors, found the gynae ward, walked into a room with a cervical smear in progress, and asked if he could be of assistance.”

Charge Nurse: “…”

Brought Her Baggage With Her

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I am currently checking out a customer with a $130 order. Another customer comes up behind her with one item and I tell the first customer that I will check the second customer out first before I continue to help her. Big mistake.)

Customer #1: “Why? That doesn’t make any sense! I was here first!”

Me: “It will only take a moment, ma’am. She only has one item.”

Customer #1: “Whatever.” *rolls her eyes and scoffs at me*

Customer #2: “No, really it’s okay. I can wait.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. Once I help you, I can focus on helping this customer bag.”

Customer #1: “Help me bag? You WILL bag!”

Me: *speechless*

(I keep quiet at this point so I don’t say something I regret. I help Customer #2 out and she leaves. Things are tense now between me and Customer #1. I am already bagging her items. My manager comes over to try and defuse the situation’)

Customer #1: “I’m glad you’re here, since apparently SHE needs help.”

(My manager and I bagged her items and got her out of there. She was the worst customer I had ever had to deal with since I had been working at that store.)

The Purple Flower Eater

| USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

Manager: *answering phone* “[Complex Manager]’s office. This is [Manager].”

Resident: “Someone dug up my flowers! The purple ones! It’s because purple is the gay color. They think I’m gay, and they hate me, so they dug up my flowers!”

Manager: “Slow down, [Resident]. Who dug up your flowers?”

Resident: “People who hate me because they think I’m gay!”

Manager: “O… kay. When did you plant these flowers?”

Resident: “Yesterday. I had that row of white flowers, and I planted the purple ones in between. It went white, purple, white, purple. But they only dug up the purple ones!”

Manager: “Did you do anything special when you planted the purple ones?”

Resident: “Well, yes. I put some fish pieces in the soil because I heard that it was supposed to help the plants grow.”

Manager: “… [Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.”

Resident: “What? No, that can’t be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn’t do that.”

Look Out For The Always Looking

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

(It is 10 minutes to closing time on a Saturday night. I am the only one in my department tonight, and I notice a customer walk in to the store.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Company]! What brings you in today?”

Customer: “Just looking around, thank you.” *starts to walk over to our tool chest section*

Me: “Was this your first time purchasing or were you looking to upgrade your tool chest?”

Customer: “No, thank you. Just looking.”

(I leave the customer so they can look around a bit while I make sure there are no other customers are in my department.)

Me: “Alrighty, then. If you need anything, please let me know.”

(I help and ring up the other customers that were in my department, and I notice the customer is still looking around the same section.)

Me: “Hello again. Were you able to make a decision?”

Customer: “No, still just looking.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I give them some useful product information about the various tool chests before walking away again. I go to prep the registers for closing time, and lock the doors. Immediately after locking the last door, I turn around and see the customer staring at me with wide eyes and planted feet. I open the door and greet the customer.)

Me: “H… Hi there, were you able to make a decision?”

Customer: “Yes. Where were you?”

Me: “I do apologize. It is 20 minutes after closing time, and I had to start locking up. Which one were you looking at purchasing today?”

Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to purchase today… I just needed to know if this was in stock.”

(I check stock on the register, and we have several available.)

Me: “Yes, sir. We do have them in stock.”

Customer: “Will they still be here on Tuesday?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since it’s Saturday, I cannot guarantee that it will be in and I can only place items on hold to be picked up on the same day of inquiry.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

Me: “Certainly. Here’s my card, and make sure to let them know you spoke to me when you pick it up. Also, feel free to ask them any more questions.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(I unlock one of the doors, let the customer out, lock it back up. I start closing down the registers, and see one of our cool supervisors walk up to the one I’m counting.)

Supervisor: “Hey, you all right?”

Me: “Yeah. Hey, do me a favor.”

Supervisor: “Yeah?”

Me: “Remind me to never play Silent Hill before coming to work ever again!”

(We both laughed.)

Turned Into A Dog Day Afternoon

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

(I’ve been having a really bad day due to a customer I had earlier. An older gentleman comes up to my till and I smile weakly at him.)

Me: “How are you doing today, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’m doing just fine, little lady. How are you?”

Me: “I’m all right. Are you getting the dog food as well?”

Customer #1: “Yes, but I’m going to pay for that with cash, if that’s all right?”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I continue to check out the grocery portion of it and he pays. I next begin scanning the dog food when a woman behind him in line sees it and flicks her gaze to Customer #1.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, sir?”

(Both he and I look at the woman. I’m bracing myself for an altercation.)

Customer #2: “I just really love dogs. Would you mind if I buy those for you?”

Customer #1: “Y-you don’t have to!”

Customer #2: “I know, but I want to. I really love dogs and I want to do anything I can for them.”

(With Customer #1’s blessing, she added the cans of dog food to her $30 order. Faith in humanity was restored and my day improved after that!)

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