Actually They Know EXACTLY What It Means…

| Right | February 26, 2016

Not-So-Smart-Phone: The Movie

| Tyler, TX, USA | Right | February 26, 2016

(I’m checking theaters on a busy weekend, which means walking into each theater and making sure people aren’t on their phones, etc. A guy sitting on the very front row of a crowded theater has his MASSIVE phone out and even holds it up where everyone in the theater can see it, so I go up to him.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to turn off your phone.”

Customer: “What phone?”

When Patients Have No Patience

| MO, USA | Right | February 26, 2016

(I’m a graduate student in a university research lab in the same building as a hospital. There is no patient care in my area, but occasionally we get calls from people trying to reach the hospital staff. The lab phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Lab]. [My Name] speaking!”

(A confused, elderly man is on the line.)

Man: “You need to get someone down here right now! Those d*** men moved the clicker so I can’t get anyone to help me!”

Me: “Sir, I think you have the wrong number. This is a research lab.”

Man: “Well, I just can’t seem to find anyone. Do you people even care about your patients?”

Me: “Sir, where are you? Maybe I can get a hold of someone; I’m at [University] medical centre.”

Man: “Yes! The medical centre people! Send them quick! I’ve been waiting for hours.”

Me: “Sir, where are you? I can’t call if I don’t know where you are.”

Man: “I’ve been waiting for hours! If you people at [Hospital at other side of city] operate like this all the time, I won’t be coming back here ever again!”

Me: “Sir… I’m not there but… what is your name?”

Man: “507!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’ll see what I can do… but I suggest you keep trying to reach someone.”

(I call the hospital, explain the situation and, while giggling to herself, the receptionist forwards me to the nurses’ station. I explain to the nurse what happened…)

Me: “…and so I’m fairly certain there’s someone in room 507 who needs your help.”

Nurse: “Thank you for letting me know; we’ll go take a look.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am and, uh… best of luck. He didn’t sound very happy.”

Nurse: *deep sigh* “They never are.”

(Dear Mom: THIS is one of many reasons why I went for a PhD, not an MD.)

Can’t Use The Beer-Code

| Bristol, England, UK | Right | February 26, 2016

(On a busy Sunday, we are short staffed on the tills and my manager jumps on a till to give us a hand. A customer comes up to him and hands him a piece of folded newspaper and a beer.)

Customer: “This is free, so just give me a bag and I’ll go.”

Manager: “Umm, I’m afraid you haven’t yet paid for your item, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you a VOUCHER!”

(The manager unfolds the newspaper scrap which turns out to be a barcode (or most of one) and nothing else.)

Manager: “Sir, I can’t accept this; there is no voucher here. You can’t pay with barcodes.”

(The customer is now getting angry and agitated, and several customers behind him are starting to get impatient. So my manager attempts to scan the barcode “just this once”, but it is not recognised by the till.)

Manager: “Can I ask where you got this voucher, sir? It doesn’t seem to be on our system.”

Customer: *now red with anger* “I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU! *slams beer down on the til* “FINE! I’LL JUST LEAVE!”

(He stormed out of the shop, ranting about the “attitudes of the staff.” My manager and I shared a bewildered look with each other, and with some of the regulars waiting in the queue.)

Lumbering Around And Around

| Vidalia, GA, USA | Right | February 26, 2016

(While working in the building materials end of a home improvement store, I have two customers back to back ask me probably the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you sell lumber?”

(I look around at all the plywood, two by fours, and trusses before looking back to him with a deadpan look.)

Me: “Nope.”

Customer #1: *nods* “Thanks, I wasn’t sure. Thanks for your help.”

(Not twenty minutes later, another customer comes in and looks me dead in the eye and says:)

Customer #2: “Where would your lumber be?”

(I point silently up at the sign above us that reads “Lumber.” The customer looks up, then back down at me, before looking up again. After a moment he starts to laugh.)

Customer #2: “My mistake.”

(Later when I’m checking him out, he adds:)

Customer #2: “You know… if it had been me, and someone asked me a dumb question like that, I’d have been sorely tempted to send them on a wild goose chase around the store before bringing them back here.”

Me: “I’ve tried that. It gets old after the fourth or fifth time.”

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