Optional Advice

| Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

Me: “Is relocation an option?”

Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

Me: “Is divorce an option?”

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X-Bong

| Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

(The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

Me: “Not a chance.”

(The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

His Logic Doesn’t Check Out

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I am working at the registers along with a head cashier shortly before closing. One of our regulars, a very old man, shuffles up to my register. I’m a little surprised, as he usually only talks to Manager, sometimes waiting for hours until Manager starts his shift.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy this book.”

Me: “Certainly! That will be [total].”

(Customer pulls out a very old leather case with about 100 sheets of perforated checks. He slowly flips to the correct page, slowly starts to fill out a check, and then drops the whole case on the floor, scattering pages everywhere. I help him pick up.)

Customer: “Oh, no, these need to be in order! Help me put them in order!”

Me: “Sir, perhaps we should finish the transaction. Then you can put these back in order later.”

Customer: *getting angry* “That is RIDICULOUS! How am I supposed to know which check to fill out?!”

Me: “It’s the one you’ve already started filling out?”

Customer: *muttering* “This is ridiculous. You people are SO unhelpful. I don’t even know why I shop here!”

Head Cashier: *whispers to me* “Just do it, or we’ll never get out of here.”

Me: “All right, sir, let’s get these back in order.”

(Customer insists he put them back in order, very very slowly, while I hold the case. Nothing else will do. 20 minutes later, the check is finally filled out and we can continue with the transaction.)

Me: “And can I see your driver’s license?”

Customer: “My WHAT?!”

Me: “Driver’s license, passport, or other state ID?”

Customer: *getting hysterical* “What?! WHY?!”

Head Cashier: *jumping in* “Sir, you’ve shopped here for years. You always pay by check. You KNOW you have to show us your license.”

Customer: “THAT’S IT! I’m getting the manager!”

(The customer storms off, and comes back with the manager.)

Manager: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “He’s paying by check.”

Manager: “Okay, can I see your license, sir?”

Customer: “Sure, here you go!”

(Customer handed over his license, the manager finished the transaction in about 30 seconds, and we ushered the man out and closed the store.)

Doubly Appreciative

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I’ve finished serving a customer at my till. She hasn’t left yet, and is thoroughly reading her receipt.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, is there a problem?”

Customer: “Actually, yes, there is. You charged me double on one item.”

(I look at her receipt, and she’s right; I did charge her twice for the same item. This is a rather bad mistake, so I’m expecting the worst.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. I’ll fix this right away.”

Customer: “If I just grab another one of these items, we’d be good, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, that would be one way to go about solving this problem, but this is my mistake. I am very sorry for what I did, and I can give you your money back, if that’s what you prefer.”

Customer: “It’s okay; I could use another one of these, anyway.”

(Ma’am, if you’re reading this, I would like to thank you again for your kindness. It really meant a lot to me. And I’ll do my best to avoid repeating that mistake!)

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The Cake Website Is A Lie

| Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work on the hands-on side of a small online sports gear store, packing and answering the phone. I overhear the following phone call on speaker.)

Coworker: “Hello, [Sports Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi. I haven’t actually looked at your website but I was wondering if you could help me; do you have any cake decorating supplies?”

Coworker: “Uh… no I’m afraid we don’t carry cake decorating gear. We mostly stock sports goods.”

Customer: *disappointed* “Oh… well, I don’t want that. Maybe I’ll check your website.” *click*

Coworker: *to me* “Cake decorating is a sport now?”

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