Didn’t Quite Hit The Nail On The Head

| IN, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I’m working in the child-watch section of the gym, where people leave their kids while they go work out. Normally it’s not too bad, but today it is just me and one other person and we have three kids less than a year old in addition to other kids. After a while, I finally manage to get two of them to sleep and some of the older kids come over to watch them.)

Girl: “Her nails are so little and cute. We’d need just a drop of nail polish to color them. Can we paint her nails?”

(I am stunned so I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.)

Me: “No modifications made to the baby without her parent present.”

Girl: “Huh?”

Me: “No, you can’t paint her nails.”

When Write Is Wrong Is Really Right

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work in a video store. This is years before gift cards. We have to hand-write the amount on a certificate.)

Customer: “That is not spelled right.”

Employee #1: *writes void on certificate, and tries again*

Customer: “It’s still not right.”

(Employee #1 calls over Employee #2.)

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m sure that’s right.”

Customer: *agitated* “I demand to speak to a manager.”

(I come over.)

Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need this certificate for $12 and he keeps spelling it wrong.”

Me: “Okay. What is the amount of the gift certificate?”

Employee #1: “$12.”

Me: “How did you spell it?”

Employee #1 & #2: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the greatest speller, but I’m pretty sure that’s right.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

Me: “So that we don’t waste anymore gift certificates, why don’t you write the amount?”

(The customer snatches the booklet and pen, and starts to fill in the information. When she gets to the amount she stops, confusion on her face.)

Customer: “How did you spell it again?”

Employee #1: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

Customer: “Oh. I guess you were right…”

Laptop Flop, Part 6

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work as a computer tech for a major university that has a contract with a government agency. The laptops issued to the government agents are standard except for the software. We try to diagnose and repair everything over the phone, and when we can’t resolve the problem, the customers are required to ship the laptops to us.)

Me: “[Organization]. This is [My Name].”

Customer: “Yeah, I accidentally spilled some soda into my laptop keyboard.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So I shut it off immediately, but the keys were all sticky.”

Me: “Okay, so we—”

Customer: “So I decided that I would run it through the dishwasher.”

Me: “You what?”

Customer: “So yeah, I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything if I didn’t turn it on right away, while it was still wet.”

Me: “So, your laptop is—”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t want to wait for it to dry. So I figured I could use a blow dryer on it.”

(A blow dryer typically heats up to less than 160 degrees F or about 71 degrees C.)

Me: “So the laptop needs—”

Customer: “But I didn’t actually have a blow dryer, I only had a heat gun.”

(Heat guns are shop and industrial tools used to melt plastics, solder, and a host of other things, often generating heat in the 1100 degrees F [about 600 C] range. Keyboards can melt at temperatures as low as 200 degrees F/93 degrees C.)

Me: “So, you need to—”

Customer: “So, the whole middle of the laptop is melted. Do you think I need to send it in?”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, just ship it to us, we will ship a replacement.”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 5
Laptop Flop, Part 4
Laptop Flop, Part 3

A Slow And Ready Response

, | Turku, Finland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

(The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

(I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

(The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

Thinking Outside The Box, Part 5

| Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

Me: *to a customer that has just walked in* “Hi, there! Go ahead and sit anywhere you like!”

Customer: “Can we sit outside?”

Me: “That certainly qualifies!”

Related:
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

Page 905/2,919First...903904905906907...Last