Going Gaga For Shoes

, | ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(A young woman comes bursting into the store, flustered. She runs around all the aisles, frantically, at least three times. I watch her and go to walk over to help her, but she beats me to it and runs straight up to me, panting, sweating, red-faced, and a look of stress in her face.)


Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t even know where you could even buy Lady Gaga’s shoes to start with. We don’t sell them here though…”


(She then bolted out the door, as if she was running from a pack of lions. The other customers and I just stood there for a moment to take in what just happened.)

There Is Mulch To Joke About

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a cashier at a store that sells home improvement merchandise. I am working in the garden center. If the customer needs a large quantity of something they will pay for it first and pick it up in the parking lot where we keep a huge supply of mulch, soil, etc.)

Customer: “Can I get 20 bags of mulch?”

Me: *completely straight face* “No.”

Customer: *dumbfounded look on his face* “Umm…”

Coworker: “[My Name]!”

Me: *with a huge smile on my face* “Of course you can!”

(I ring the customer up and my coworker speaks to him.)

Coworker: “Sorry about that, sir. She is mean to every 25th customer. Looks like you were the 25th.”

(The customer paid and was chuckling and smiling as he walked out to his vehicle.)

The Joke Is Invisible To Him

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(After seeing a funny image online, I decided to replicate it in our store. I hung up an empty clothes hanger from our art smocks behind the counter with a large sign reading ‘Invisible Cloaks, half price!’ Two teenage customers come up to the counter.)

Customer #1: *excitedly* “Hey! Is that a real invisibility cloak?”

Customer #2: *sarcastic* “Yes, it is.”

Me: *grinning ear to ear* “Sure is!”

Customer #1: “Why’s it half price?”

Customer #2: *incredulously looks at [Customer #1]*

Me: “Well, it’s slightly damaged on the hem.” *holds up imaginary edge* “See?”

Customer #1: “No? Where?”

Customer #2: “Are you for real?!”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Customer #1: “What?”

(We stand looking at him for a good 10 seconds as the cogs turn.)

Customer #1: “OH!”

Not In Anyone’s Good Books

| Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

Me: “Correct.”

Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”

Think Before You Ink

| ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for plain black drawing ink. I want the best quality you have here.”

Me: “Wonderful! We have [Good Brand] here, and we have it in plain black as well. These are the most popular inks we sell as they are of such good quality. Are you working on a project?”

Customer: “Oh, well, kind of. I am going to give myself a tattoo tonight! This should do the trick.”

(Shocked, and thankful to myself that I asked, I suddenly stop putting my thoughts together as to what to say next and just blurt out the first thing that falls out of my mouth out of feeling the urgency of the situation.)

Me: “Yes, it should do the trick if you WANT TO DIE! THIS IS NOT TATTOO INK, MA’AM. It will KILL you, like DEAD, if you use it in your skin! Please DON’T use this for tattoos! It’s for art and craft projects only!”

Customer: *taken aback and gasps* “Oh, my gosh! I had no idea! I just thought ink was ink! So glad you asked. You saved my life! Thank you!”

(After explaining to her where she could look into purchasing tattoo ink and recommending she also look into the best tattoo artists in town, as well as carefully putting into less-stressed words about why you don’t use drawing inks for tattoos, she leaves, white as a ghost but very thankful.)

Coworker: “And that just happened… Lucky you asked what the ink was for!”

Page 904/2,942First...902903904905906...Last