His Car Needs Some Juice

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I work at a grocery store that has a small gas station located in its parking lot. Every morning whoever opens goes and gets merchandise from inside the main store to stock our shelves, usually the supervisor. I am the mid-shift so I watch the register and help the opener stock when I can. My supervisor and I are outside stocking sodas when I see a man walking towards the mostly empty gas station with an empty juice jug in hand. I think to myself he probably just needs water for his car. I am inside the kiosk selling gas to another customer when the man with the jug approaches the window.)

Customer: “I need to get some gas.” *starts digging in his pockets*

Me: “And you want to put it in that?” *motions to jug*

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. It’s not a proper container. It must read ‘flammable’. We do however sell gas cans for [price].”

(I try to steer him away from this, as it is dangerous. On top of that gas is high and he’d probably spill more than he got in his vehicle.)

Customer: “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

Supervisor: *standing right behind him* “I’m the manager out here.”

(He took off after that, leaving his juice jug ON TOP of the garbage can.)

Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

Employee: “Susan!”

(A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the order?”

Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Employee: “Jerry!”

Customer: “What’s that order?”

Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”

High On Siridipity

| Belleville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

(I am working as a tech support agent for a major tech company, enjoying the slow part of the day, when a call comes it. It starts off normal enough, but gets strange rather quickly.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, man, my device won’t stop talking to me.”

Me: *can hear Siri talking in the background* “All right, I can certainly see what I can do to help you out with that.”

(I pull up his device’s information and see that it has no extended warranty, just the complimentary 90-day time period that is about to run out.)

Me: “All right, sir. Before we begin, would you be interested in purchasing our extended warranty?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: *explain the details of the extended warranty*

Customer: “Yeah, man, sounds good if I need it to stop her from talking.”

Me: “Er… well, you don’t need it right now, but it’s a good idea to have it.”

Customer: “If I need it for today, go ahead and set it up, man. I just… I just want to kill her so she’ll stop talking.”

(It is at this point I realize that the customer is rather high.)

Me: “Er… did you just say you want to kill Siri?”

Customer: “Yeah, man. She won’t shut up. I want to kill her.”

Me: “You mean turn her off?”

Customer: “No, I want to kill her.”

Me: “O-Okay, tell you what. You stay on the line. I’ll get my senior advisor on the line. He’s better suited to help you with this… situation.”

Customer: “Okay, man. Whatever you say.”

(I grabbed one of my senior advisors and explained the situation to him. He started laughing. I told him I was looking forward to reading the notes on the call and transferred the customer on over. I looked back at the notes later and they went as follows.)

Notes:

-Customer transferred over to me.

-Customer states that he wants to kill Siri.

-Suggest that we shut off Siri; attempt to guide customer through the steps.

-Customer has trouble following my steps.

-Customer proudly proclaims that Siri is now speaking Finnish.

-Recommend to Customer that we change Siri’s language back to English.

-Customer not willing to cooperate, wants to kill Siri.

-Recommend that he sleep the rest of the night and give us a call back the next morning.

A Sky High Request

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

Customer: “Come quick! There’s a weird loud noise!”

Me: “Is it the air conditioner? Is it another guest?”

Customer: “No, it’s neither of those! I don’t know what it is but it’s keeping me up!”

(I go to see.)

Customer: “You hear it? It’s here.”

(I hear a faint thud thud thud noise.)

Me: “Sir, I think that’s a helicopter outside.”

Customer: “It keeps coming back. What are you go to do about it?”

Me: “Sir that’s probably a government helicopter. I can’t call the government and tell it not to go.”

Customer: “Stupid government!”

Their IQ Is Below Zero

| Portsmouth, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(Whilst taking a customer’s cocktail order on a Friday night:)

Customer: “Is your ice fresh or frozen?”

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