A Little Nuts About The Naming

| North Attleboro, MA, USA | Right | January 16, 2016

Me: *to an elderly customer* “Did you find everything you were looking for, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, you don’t carry the peanuts in the can anymore.”

Me: “Actually, we do still carry peanuts right over here.”

(I then walk her to the correct fixture, pick up the can of peanuts we sell, and hold it out to her. She makes a face at me, then pushes by my outstretched hand and takes something else off the fixture.)

Customer: “Not those ones! These are the peanuts I wanted.”

Me: “…Ma’am, those are cashews.”

Customer: “Yes, but I call them peanuts. You guys are always out of them!”

Me: “Well, if you’re asking for peanuts, we’re not looking for cashews when we check the stockroom…”

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A-Salted By The Odd Request

| NY, USA | Right | January 16, 2016

(After getting his coffee and some food, a customer approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Do you have any salt?”

Me: *checking to see if I heard him correctly* “Salt?”

Customer: *enunciating every syllable like I’m an idiot* “Sodium chloride, do you have it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

Customer: “F***ing h***!”

(He then proceeds to ask two of my coworkers the same question, receiving the same response and swearing at them as well. Fortunately he didn’t start anything but I informed the manager we need to buy some, if only to spread it outside the door and keep him away.)

When Coffee Really Is An Emergency

| Gillette, NJ, USA | Right | January 16, 2016

(Our café doesn’t charge on-duty police/fireman/EMS. I am a shift supervisor at the time working with two coworkers. I am currently in the back room doing restock.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], there is this woman who is asking for a free drink because she is an EMT, but she isn’t in uniform. I told her I had to ask you for permission.”

(Coworker #2 comes into the back with dishes in hand to make it look like he need to a reason to come into the back.)

Coworker #2: “This is the second time she has come in claiming to be on the first aid squad and an EMT and since I and [Coworker #1] are refusing to give her a free drink she wants to speak to you.”

(I walk out of the backroom.)

Me: “Hi, I am the shift supervisor.”

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like to get a free [really expensive espresso bar drink].”

Me: “Sure, can I see some credentials or proof you are on the first aid squad?”

Customer: “I just told you I am on it.”

Me: “Yes, I heard.”

Customer: “So, can I get my free drink?”

Me: “As soon as I can see some proof that you are on the first aid squad.”

Customer: “I just told you.”

(This repeats for about five minutes and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll make you this drink once on me but next time you come in, just show some proof you are on the first aid squad if you want a free coffee.”

(She leaves. Three days later, I am working with my manager and another coworker, Coworker #3. I have already informed my manager about said incident. In walks the same customer.)

Customer: “I am on the first aid squad and I would like a free drink.”

Coworker #3: “Let me get permission.”

(Coworker #3 turns to me. The customer does not seem to be happy that I am there.)

Me: “Hello again. Do you have proof this time?”

Customer: “I just told you that i am on first aid squad.”

Me: “Hold on one second.”

(I get my manager to come to the front.)

Manager: “Hi. I am [Manager] and I am the manager here. [My Name] has informed me of what he has asked of you to bring proof that you say you are on the squad. We will ask you your name and ask [Coworker #4] if she recognizes your name, as she is also on the first aid squad, but today we will not be able to give you a free drink for we only give those to cops, firemen, and EMS.”

Me: “And only when they are on duty.”

(The customer leaves in a huff.)

Manager: *turns with a straight face* “You said doodie!”

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Calling Out Their Stupidity

| NY, USA | Right | January 16, 2016

(I’ve been working at a gas station for about seven months, mostly on third shifts. I do, however, occasionally get scheduled for morning or afternoon shifts when someone needs me to cover.)

Me: “All right, your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “You must be new. I come here all the time and it’s always [incorrect price].”

Me: “You must be stupid, because even with the coupon that I used, it’s [actual price].”

Customer: “Don’t talk to me like that! Get me your manager!”

(If no manager is around, the person who’s worked there longest becomes acting manager.)

Me: “I am acting manager right now. And frankly, my boss would tell you the same thing because we put up with scammers like you all the time. Now, you either pay or leave.”

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License To Be A Girl

| OH, USA | Right | January 15, 2016

Caller: “I need to file a claim. The tow truck driver removed equipment from my car.”

Me: “What equipment was taken off?”

(Anything bolted or wired into the vehicle is considered part of the vehicle, all other items will be removed for storage in case the vehicle goes to the auction.)

Caller: “My license plate.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “…Did you say your license plate?”

(These are legally considered personal property and we HAVE to remove them for storage.)

Caller: “Yes. Now I have to take it to a mechanic to have them put it back on.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s two screws that are probably still on the vehicle. All you need is a screw driver or a quarter to stick in the grooves on the screw head.”

Caller: “BUT I’M A GIRL! I don’t know how to use any of those tool things!”

Me: *looks down… yep… still a girl… wonders if my voice is particularly manly today* “Ma’am, I will call the company that towed your car. The guy there owes me a favor. Just turn around and politely ask them to replace the plate. If you’re nice to them, they’ll be nice to you.”

Caller: “For free?”

Me: “I’ll arrange for them to waive the fees.”

(This happened to be my monitored call for the month. My manager laughed her way through my review.)

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