Accenting The Listening Problem

, | WA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I’m working in the drive-thru and taking orders. Note: I have no accent and I’m frequently complimented on how clearly I speak in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi would you like to try our new sandwich?”

Customer: “ENGLISH!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, you do speak English.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’ve been speaking English this entire time.”

Customer: “I thought you were speaking another language.”

Adamant To The Watery Grave

| Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a bystander in a well-known electronics store, waiting my turn to be helped by the repair counter. There is a couple ahead of me, having the woman’s phone examined.)

Tech: *showing them with a flashlight* “As you can see, the moisture indicator is dark red, which means there’s water damage and we can’t repair the phone.”

Customer: “What?! Water damage?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve never even taken it anywhere NEAR any water!”

Tech: “I’m sure that’s the case; however, we can’t fix the phone.”

(With much emphasis on how this wasn’t her fault, the woman begrudgingly decides to get a new phone.)

Customer: “And you have to transfer the pictures. There are SO MANY pictures on there.”

Tech: “Well, since I can’t connect it to the computer, I unfortunately can’t do that for you. Unless you have them backed up on your computer at home?”

Customer: “I don’t do that! Can’t you just wifi them over? Why can’t you do that?! I’m telling you, there’s no way there’s water damage! It’s never even come into the bathroom with me!”

(The very patient tech explains the situation, several times, and finally goes to the back to make the switch. The woman turns to her husband.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! And that had all the pictures on it from our trip to the beach, too!”

A Stupid Call By Any Metric

| OH, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working as a third shift clerk in a convenience store. It is nothing unusual to get some very odd phone calls on my night shifts.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your store carry Magnum condoms?”

(This is actually a pretty common question.)

Me: “No, but we do carry Durex XXL.”

Caller: “Do you think you could handle nine inches?”

Me: “Sir, turn your ruler around. You’re looking at centimeters. Don’t neglect your lotion and tissues. Have a good night!”

Caller: “Ummm…” *click*

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Very Week Time-Keeping

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(A customer, with her husband in tow, seems to be having trouble locating the product she wants on the shelf, so I offer to help.)

Me: “Were you looking for something in particular?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for [product].”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That product was actually discontinued about six months ago.”

Customer: “What? That’s impossible! I just bought one a week ago!”

Customer’s Husband: *perfectly calm and quiet* “No, honey, it was longer ago than that.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe a month ago, but still—”

Customer’s Husband: *still completely calm and composed* “No, it was more than a month ago.”

Customer: “Well, whenever it was, it was definitely less than six months ago!”

Customer’s Husband: *still taking it all in stride* “No, six months ago sounds about right.”

(At this point, the woman looks pretty annoyed at her husband, but I think she realizes he is correct and there is no point in fighting it.)

Customer: “…fine. I guess I got it six months ago.”

An Automatic Autistic Response

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work at a retail store. We are having a donation opportunity for the month of May where customers can donate money toward autism research. We are supposed to ask every customer if they would like to donate. I finish ringing this customers items up.)

Me: “And would you like to put a dollar towards autism research?”

Customer: “You know, kids would stop getting autism if they stopped all that vaccinating.”

Me: “…have a nice day, sir.”

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