Your Solution Is The Bomb

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Coworker: “Thank you for calling technical support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I think my tablet is about to explode!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, did you just say explode?”

Customer: “Yes! I think there’s a bomb in it! I was watching a video, and all of a sudden the video stopped and it started making this awful noise! It was a bomb, I’m sure of it! I threw it out in the front yard and I’ve already called the police to send the bomb squad!”

Coworker: *unable to hide the fact that he’s now laughing* “You… you called the bomb squad?!”

Customer: “Yes! I wasn’t sure if I should throw it outside or into the toilet!”

Coworker: “No! You don’t want to throw it into the toilet! Is the tablet still in the yard?”

Customer: “Of course! The bomb squad hasn’t come yet!”

Coworker: “Can you go outside and grab the tablet for me? I promise it won’t blow up. It’s just frozen. We can fix it.”

Customer: “I don’t know… Okay, I guess. If you’re sure.”

(There is the sound of a frozen tablet glitching on a video gets loud as she goes outside.)

Customer: “See! You can hear it! It’s going to explode!”

Coworker: *struggling not to laugh directly at the customer* “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not. Go ahead and pick it up and press the power button for me, then hold it down.”

Customer:  “It turned off! The screen is off! It’s going to blow!”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, we just turned it off. Go ahead and turn it back on for me again?”

Customer: “Oh… now it’s working. Thanks!” *click*

Lack Of Appliance Compliance

| Round Rock, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

(I work in the appliances department of a popular home improvement store. Occasionally, I go to the customer service desk to help out. On this particular evening, a customer is arguing with my older, Irish coworker. I walk over to help out.)

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Coworker: “Oh, she refused her appliances and wants a refund.”

Me: *to customer* “When were your appliances delivered?”

Customer: “At five-thirty.”

Me: “Today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I check the time and see it’s only six-forty pm. The delivery company office closes at five pm and so do our venders.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. The delivery office is closed, and the notes indicating that you refused your appliances aren’t in the system yet. It won’t be until eight o’clock in the morning.”

Coworker: “Yeah, once the notes are in, there’s a 72-hour wait until we get the identification numbers for the appliances. Then, we can process your refund.”

Me: “We get the identification number from [appliance brand the customer bought from].”

Customer: “No, no, no. I buy from [Store], not [Appliance Brand].”

Coworker: “Yes, but we need those numbers in order to process the refund. The identification numbers let us know that the refused washer and dryer are back with [Appliance Brand]. Once the notes come in tomorrow morning, we’ll get the identification numbers and give you a call.”

Customer: “No. I buy from [Store]. I want my money now!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is our policy with [Appliance Brand]. There is nothing we can do until the notes show up in the system tomorrow morning and—“

(The customer grabs her paperwork and abruptly walks off to the appliance department. A short time later, another coworker calls me back to appliances because a customer wishes to return her appliances and get a refund. Low and behold, it’s the same customer.)

Customer: *freezes upon seeing me* “He call you?”

Me: “Yes, I’m the appliance specialist. What did you need?”

Customer: *points to a stacked washer and dryer* “I want those.”

Me: “Sure! I can set up an order for you.”

Customer: “But I want credit from this to use to that.” *waves her paperwork in front of me*

Me: “Ma’am, like I told you earlier, after the notes show up, it can take up to 72 hours for the identification numbers then—“

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t refund me. I want to buy these.”

Me: “And you can.”

Customer: “Then give me my money.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Not until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand].”

Customer: “No, I didn’t buy from [Appliance Brand]. I bought from [Store]. You need to give me my money.”

Me: “Ma’am, the store cannot process any refund until we get the identification numbers from [Appliance Brand]. Once we have those, you’ll get your money back. Without it, we cannot do anything, especially since there aren’t any notes in the system yet.”

Customer: “And what if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt?”

Me: “I…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt? What happens to my money then?”

Me: “Believe me, ma’am. [Appliance Brand] will not go bankrupt.”

(Note: this particular appliance brand also makes TVs, laptops, and cellphones. It is practically impossible for them to go bankrupt. Especially in three days.)

Customer: “I said ‘if’. If they go bankrupt. [Another unrelated company] went bankrupt and I lost my money. What do I do if [Appliance Brand] goes bankrupt?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not really an issue nor a concern. You’re more than welcome to buy a new washer and dryer set, but you’ll have to wait 72 hours for your refund. I can show you some features this washer has—“

Customer: “But I want my money. If you don’t give me my money, I’ll go broke. I spent $3,000! I’m broke because of you. I’ll complain to your boss!”

Me: “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do until tomorrow morning.”

(The customer throws her hands up and promptly leaves the store. I relayed the story to my manager and Irish coworker. My manager laughed.)

Coworker: “Serves her right! Coming in here like the f****** Queen of England. Bleh!”

Annoyingly Consistent

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I am sitting on the registers as the main cashier for the day when an older woman marches up to my counter.)

Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

Customer #1: “I don’t have time for this chit chat. I just want to pay for this jar of coffee and go as I am in a hurry.”

(I scan the item and tell the customer the price of the item.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “Excuse me? How much?”

Me: “Um, the total for the jar of coffee is [total price].”

Customer #1: “That is far too much money; I’ll go choose another one.”

(The customer storms off leaving the original jar of coffee with me. I put it to the side of my register and serve several other customers during the customer’s absence. Another customer unpacks her groceries onto my till and I greet her.)

Me: “Hello. How are you?”

Customer #2: “I am good, thank you. How are you?”

Me: “I am very good, thanks.”

(Before I could start to scan Customer #2’s items, Customer #1 returns and slams a jar of coffee onto my register completely cutting in front of Customer #2. I notice the jar of coffee she has now selected is identical to her previous one.)

Customer #1: “I am next! Not this lady! Now, I want this coffee.”

Customer #2: “I don’t mind. Let her go first.”

(Customer #1 looks at Customer #2. Her eyes go wide for a moment. I interject.)

Me: “This is the same brand and size as the coffee you wanted before.”

Customer #1: “No, it is not. This one is cheaper than the previous one.”

(I scan the coffee and sure enough it is the same price as the one earlier.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “See? Much better.”

(After Customer #1 walks out of the shop Customer #2 begins laughing hysterically.)

Customer #2: “Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but she used to be my mother-in-law before my divorce and I am so glad she is annoying to everyone!”