The Uniform Response

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Military, Top

(I’m in a chain restaurant with my family when a group of four soldiers from the base come in. The group is very loud and rowdy, but no one wants to say anything because they’re soldiers. However, as they all order alcoholic drinks for ‘pre-gaming,’ they just get louder and rowdier. Finally, another customer at the table next to theirs has had enough.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you four please quiet down? We’re all trying to enjoy our dinners.”

Soldier #1: “With all due respect, shove it.”

Soldier #2: “We’re willing to go out and die for your freedom and you can’t even let us have dinner?”

Soldier #3: “We’re just trying to celebrate [Soldier #1]’s promotion, lady. Chill.”

Soldier #1: “Show some f****** respect.”

(The customer takes a deep breath, stands up and turns around, revealing a missing arm.)

Customer: “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Major [Customer] and I’ve recently been transferred to the base here after spending a few months in Walter Reed. I lost my arm to an IED in Iraq. I want all of your names. I’ll be talking to your C.O. as soon as I leave here, and I have a feeling you won’t be celebrating that promotion long. Now please keep your voices down so all of these people can enjoy their dinners, and stop being a disgrace to the uniform.”

(The whole restaurant applauded her.)

Hiss-terical

| WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am having a pretty good day, with no bad customers. A middle aged customer comes up to my till.)

Customer: “Mhhhhrmrrm.”

Me: “… Okay. Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr!”

Me: “…  Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr.”

Me: *concerned* “Will that be credit or cash?”

Customer: “HISSSSSSS!”

(I jump back in surprise, but act as normally as possible for someone who has been spat on and hissed at.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Mhhhhr!”

Me: *to Boss* “What was that?”

Boss: “Oh, she comes in here a lot. If you say the wrong thing she hisses at you.”

(I transferred off tills very quickly after that!)

A War Veteran Ally

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Military, Spouses & Partners

(We have a regular customer who is a WW II veteran, at least 90-years-old, and lives alone. He prides himself on being cantankerous. I always make an effort to be nice to him so that he’ll have no excuse for throwing his food on the belt, insulting us, etc. I’m a young woman, and I wear a LGBT-rainbow bracelet to work.)

Me: *while ringing up items* “Good morning, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “You’re nice to me. Most people aren’t, you know.”

Me: “Well, you served our country. That seems a pretty good reason to be nice to you. Alrighty, sir, your total today is $13.95.”

Customer: “Good. I’ve got enough left over to take you out to lunch.”

Me: “You’ll have to check with my girlfriend on that.”

Customer: *as he pulls out money* “Are you lookin’? Don’t look!”

(This is a regular thing with him. I just smile and look away, holding out my hand for the money. My bracelet is in plain sight.)

Customer: “I don’t like a suspicious woman!”

Me: *deliberately, but lightly* “Neither does my girlfriend. Good thing I’ve been faithful to her the whole two years we’ve been together.”

(Customer finishes handing me the money.  I ring him up, then give him the change and the receipt. My bagger is stifling laughter.)

Customer: “You know I’m only gonna get worse if you let me.”

Me: “I’ll let my girlfriend know, but I think you’re pretty harmless.”

Customer: “And I think you’re pretty, especially when you smile.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll have to tell my girlfriend that! You have a good day, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!” *grins and scooters off*

Bagger: “I don’t think he gets it.”

Me: “He treated me exactly the same as he would if I’d mentioned a boyfriend. Who knows, maybe he’s an LGBT ally!”

A Lost Lost Cause

| IN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work at a supermarket service desk. I have just clocked in when a customer comes up and I greet her and ask what I could do for her, per usual.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ve lost my sunglasses. Has anyone turned them in?”

Me: “Let me check for you, ma’am. What do they look like?”

Customer: *irrationally irate and screams* “SUNGLASSES!”

Me: “Yes, but what do they look like? Like, the color of the frames, or if they’re name brand?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! You don’t know if they’re back there? They’re like a tortoise-shell color, like the brown and black design!”

Me: “Okay. Let me check for you.”

(I check my drawer below my register and only see some reading glasses and a pair of children’s sunglasses.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t seem to be here.”

Customer: “Well, I left them in the restroom and they’re not THERE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They’re not here at the moment, but if you’d like I can take your name and num—”

Customer: “So you KNOW they’re not back there?”

Me: “Yes. There are no sunglasses that fit your description back here, but if you’d—”

Customer: “So. YOU KNOW!? You have that authority? Who are you? Who are you?! What’s your name?”

Me: “I am [My Name], but yes, I’ve looked in any area your glasses may be and they’re not here.”

Customer: “And you KNOW this?”

Me: “Yes. If you’d like I can take your information down and we can call you if they are turned in. Sometimes items aren’t turned in until someone has finished shopping and—”

Customer: “I know that! Do I seem stupid?”

(She then walked off without giving me her information.)

Please Be Civil To Partnerships

| Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

(I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

(At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

(She pays and flounces away.)

Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

Me: “Thank you! I will!”

(Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

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