Depressing Customer Service

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A customer and her five-ish-year-old son are checking out at my register. There is a magazine display nearby. One of the magazines’ cover is a tribute to a comedian who recently committed suicide.)

Customer’s Son: *pointing at the magazine* “Mommy, he died. Did you know he died?”

Customer: “Yes, it was very sad.”

Son: “He committed suicide. What does ‘committed suicide’ mean?”

Customer: “It means he hurt himself badly. Now, let’s go.

Son: “He hurted himself and died? I don’t understand. Can I skin my knee and die?!”

Customer: “No, it’s not like that. He was very sad.”

Son: “What? He died of being sad? Why was he sad? Someone said he was ‘depressed.’ What is ‘depressed?'”

Customer: *to me* “Can you explain this to him? I don’t want to.”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really feel comfortable doing that; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “What? I hate this store. You’re so unhelpful. I’ll be talking to your corporate office.” *drags son out the door*

(I think even corporate will agree that explaining mental illness to a customer’s five-year-old is not my job.)

Very Closed Minded

| Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Time

(I’m the idiot customer this time around. I needed to get some supplies for my computer, and thought the local store was open until 10 pm. It’s currently 8:55 pm when I enter.)

Security: “Oh, we’re getting ready to close.”

Me: “Huh? It’s 8:55.”

Security: “We close at 9. Hope you’re quick!”

Me: *starting to dash* “Watch me.”

(I make a mad dash through the otherwise empty store as fast as I can go, grabbing my three items and running to the register. Timestamp on the receipt: 8:59pm.)

Cashier: “You used to work retail, huh?”

Me: “Yup, and I would’ve kicked my own a** if I took too long!”

(The staff laughed and gave a brief cheer as I, the last customer of the evening, was out the door at nine on the nose.)

Not Feeling Neutral About Your Parking

| NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Transportation

(It is the day before Good Friday, and the store is packed full of people. Obviously, so is the parking lot. A cart pusher has just brought in a handful of carts, and a greeter is tagging bags. One customer, already looking angry, heads straight to the elder greeter and tries to hand her his car keys.)

Customer: “Go park my car.”

Greeter: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t offer a valet service here.”

Customer: “There’s no f****** parking spaces. Go park my f****** car!”

Greeter: “Sir, I just got back from work after having a heart attack. What makes you think I’m going to be able to drive your car, let alone find you a parking space, when you haven’t?”

Cart Pusher: “Where is your car right now? Parking in the fire lane makes working and shopping here dangerous. I can have you towed.”

(Customer went beet red and left, hopefully back to his car!)