Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

(I am cashiering without a bagger at the farthest register from the front service center.)

Me: “How are you doing today, ma’am?”

Customer: “You need to go get me a pack of d*** cigarettes.” *continues texting*

Me: “I’m not allowed to leave my register and don’t have a bagger to run and get some. How about you go grab them while I finish ringing up/bagging the rest of your items?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I said, please go grab them while I finish your order. I can’t leave now.”

Customer: “Did you seriously just say I… should go get them MYSELF?!”

Me: “Yes, I did…”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! You can’t be serious! If you think I should go get them, then you are crazy!”

(She then grabs a bagger who is obviously helping out another customer.)

Customer: “You need to go get me my cigarettes now before I FLIP OUT!”

Bagger: “…okay.”

Customer: “And I am telling your manager about how rude you are!”

I Am Just A Number

| Bergen, Norway | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Top

(I am out shopping with my 10-year-old sister. I am 23. Another customer, a woman in her 60s, approaches my sister as she is standing by herself for a moment.)

Customer: “Are you the manager here?”

Sister: “No…”

Customer: “What are you, then?”

Sister: “I’m 10…”

Upgrade Degrade

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a web hosting company where we have several levels of packages. Customer is currently on a server with hundreds of others and is trying to set up an account with a username that is already taken.)

Customer: “I can’t use this username; it says it’s already in use.”

Me: “Let me take a look and see what’s going on.”

(I check. Sure enough, someone else on the server is using the username already.)

Me: “I do apologize, but there is someone on the server already using that username. You will have to use another.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll just have to upgrade to a dedicated server.”

(A dedicated is a server with no other users, but is also 10 times the price.)

Me: “You don’t have to upgrade. Simply use another username. You can always just add a 1 to the end of it, that will work.”

Customer: “No, thanks. I knew I’d have to upgrade eventually.”

Me: “No problem. Was there anything else I could do for you today?”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager. I can’t believe you’re making me upgrade! This is ridiculous!”

Not Acting Like Adults

| Tacoma, WA, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working at a popular adult store. It is five minutes before closing. Two girls come in, and they appear to have been drinking.)

Customer #1: “Are you still open?”

Me: “Well, we close in about five minutes, but I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for.”

Customer #2: “Oh-em-gee. I want my first vibrator!”

Me: “Okay. Well, we have a lot of good choices.”

(I try to show her the products. She proceeds to grab them out of my hands and hit her friend with them. Even though I’m not embarrassed by the products, I find this behavior pretty inappropriate. She is clearly not listening to anything I’m saying.)

Me: “You know what? It’s getting late, and I really think that you’ll want more time to make your decision. This is the hours we are open, and in fact, I will be here opening in the morning. You will have a lot more time to decide then.”

Customer #1: “Let’s just go. It’s getting late.”

Customer #2: “No, I want a vibrator!”

Customer #1: *pulling her out of the store, to me* “I’m really sorry about this. Have a good night.”

Coworker: “Man, I know we’re not supposed to kick people out of the store and stay open, but thank you for getting them out of here!”

Giving You No Middle-Ground

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, I’d like that ham, please.”

(The customer makes a vague gesture toward several trays of ham.)

Me: *pointing to the ham closest to her hand wave* “This one?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *pointing to another ham* “Was it this one?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Can you tell me what ham it says on the tag, ma’am?”

Customer: *very rudely* “It’s the one in the middle!”

(I look at the six trays of ham. There is no middle. This exchange goes repeats until I eventually point to the ham she wants.)

Customer: “You should probably be more attentive, miss. I need some cheese now.”

Me: “Of course. What kind would you like?”

(The customer waves her hand toward the case containing over twenty kinds of cheeses.)

Customer: “Give me two packages of that.”

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