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Like Finding A Needle In A Bathroom

| AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue

I work in a 24/7 fast food joint with a public bathroom inside. The shop is next to a popular homeless shelter, and sometimes, someone homeless would come into the bathrooms to “shower.” We cannot turn anyone away from using the bathroom.

One morning, I come in at five am and our night crew lets me know that someone is in the bathroom. After about ten minutes, I hear hollering followed by banging. It sounds like they’re yelling “yoo-hoo!” and have a real good time. I text my night crew and they said it’s been going on since about two am, but they never saw anyone go in. Knocking on the door, no one replies; they just kept yelling.

My manager comes in shortly after and immediately calls the police. It takes the police officers over an hour to get the man to leave the bathroom. I am sent in to clean up after him, and the walls are coated in dirt, blood, and poop. There is toilet paper everywhere, and about a dozen used needles.

My manager tapes garbage bags to my legs and arms, and right before I actually go in, the police stop me because it’s a crime scene. They take ONE needle, and leave.

It took me about two hours to clean it, and I cried while mopping the walls and picking up dirty needles.

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Unknown Caller Is On An Unknown Amount Of Substances

| Ada, MI, USA | Bizarre

(The caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station].”

Caller: “Hey, I was at your gas station earlier today and I bought an e-cigarette from you guys. I just wanted to let you know that when I lit my e-cigarette like I always do, it blew up.”

Me: “Pardon, sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, it exploded. I don’t know whether it was just my e-cigarette that was defective, or if it was all of them or what.”

Me: “I’m… sorry to hear that, sir. I’ll let my manager know, and we’ll see what we can do.”

Caller: “Yeah, that’d be great. Can I talk to your manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she’s not here. She’s probably at home sleeping.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay… So, how are you doing tonight?”

Me: “Uh… I’m doing all right, sir. How are you doing?”

Caller: “Well, other than the e-cigarette blowing up in my face, I’m not doing too bad.”

Me: “That’s good to hear, sir.”

Caller: “Yeah. So how are you doing?”

Me: “I’m… doing fine, sir. Thank you.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. Hey, what’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “Okay, [My Name]. How are you doing tonight?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… I don’t understand.”

Caller: “How are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I’m doing just fine, sir. How about you?”

Caller: “Other than my e-cigarette blowing up, I’m doing all right. So how’s working at a gas station, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “It’s all right, sir.”

Caller: “Is it any fun?”

Me: “Not anymore than any other job, really, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s cool. Do you get a lot of bathroom and smoke breaks there?”

Me: “Well, I, uh, I step away from the register when I need to go to the bathroom, and I don’t smoke, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. You shouldn’t smoke, [Not My Name]. It’s bad for you.”

Me: “I know, sir, that’s why I don’t.”

Caller: “Good. So… what else do you sell there besides gas?”

Me: “Well, mostly we sell cigarettes and junk food, sir.”

Caller: “How about soda?”

Me: “Yes, we do also sell soda, sir.”

Caller: “Do you get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I do get a few, sir, but I always remember to card them.”

Caller: “That’s good, that’s good. Did you know, I was reading something on the Internet this morning, said that this generation of teenagers has the fewest smokers of any generation? Only like 9%.”

Me: “I believe it, sir.”

Caller: “But you still get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes?”

Me: “Only if they’re of age, sir. I’d imagine that most of the other teens who don’t smoke don’t have a reason to visit our station as often.”

Caller: “Good point. So, what’s your favorite pop, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I’d say [Soda], sir.”

Caller: “[Soda]? That’s a good pop.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So do you, like, have cups you can fill with pop there?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you can fill a cup with soda at our gas station.”

Caller: “What kind of soda do you get from the fountain pop?”

Me: “[Soda], sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, ’cause that’s your favorite, right, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So… you ever drank gasoline? ‘Cause y’know, you work at a gas station?”

Me: “Um… no sir.”

Caller: “You never drank gasoline? I always wanted to try it.”

Me: “No, sir, I think that would make me very sick.”

Caller: “Yeah, you’re probably right. So, how does the register work?”

Me: “Well, it’s a touch screen, sir. You just press the right buttons and the software handles the numbers.”

Caller: “Oh… do you sell a lot of [Candy #1]?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t sell [Candy #1] very often.”

Caller: “Do you sell a lot of [Candy #2]?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t sell a lot of [Candy #2], either.”

Caller: “Yeah, man, [Candy #2] are my favorite, [unintelligible].”

Me: “I see.”

Caller: “Hey, [Not My Name], what did you say your name was again?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “[My Name]… like [My Name] the Bomb?”

Me: *having no idea who that is* “Yes, sir, like [My Name] the Bomb.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, you’re a cool guy, so I’m gonna call you [My Name] the Bomb. Is that all right?”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, I got stuff I gotta do, so I’m gonna go now, [My Name] the Bomb. I’ll call again later, all right?”

Me: *dear god, please, no* “Sure, sir.”

Caller: “All right. Later, [My Name] the Bomb.”

Me: “Have a good night, sir.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings, caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “NOPE.”

(I think he tried to light his e-cigarette with a lighter, like a real cigarette, and that’s why it exploded. Also, the third shift person went through that day’s transactions. We didn’t sell any e-cigarettes that day.)

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Not Part Of The IT Crowd

| MI, USA | Technology

(Although I am an accountant, and in no way connected to the IT department, one of our residents is convinced that I’m the person he should come to with complaints about his Internet service. He often stops by my office to complain about slow speeds and connection issues. To be fair, I do look like a stereotypical IT guy, but I’ve told him repeatedly that I can’t fix his Internet problems.)

Resident: “…and when I was at my son’s house over the weekend, we hooked up the Roku, and got all the channels, at full speed… That administrator stopped by to tell me they were upgrading the speed last week, and NOTHING!…” *ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble*

Me: *nodding with glazed eyes*

Resident: “So ,what do you know about the Internet?”

Me: *snapping out of my trance* “It grew out of DARPA initiatives to connect defense department systems in the 1960s, was adopted by academia in the 1980s, and grew into the world wide web we now know in the early 1990s. And you can find a lot of cat pictures on it.”

Resident: “I meant about the Internet here.”

Me: “Nothing. I know nothing. You need to talk to the IT department.”

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They’re On Your Coat Tails

| England, UK | Crazy Requests

(Please note that our store has no computer system to check if we have an item in stock and the only way to do so is to look round the store. Whilst the items have codes they do not help us unless we have the item in front of us to check it is the right one. During a busy period I answer the phone.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help?”

Caller: “Hello, I was wondering if you could look for an item for me?”

Me: “Of course, could you describe the item for me?”

Caller: “It’s a grey coat.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a look and see what coats we have. Could you give any more details about it? Is it [Store Brand] or [Other Brand]?”

Caller: “It’s definitely [Store Brand]; I can give you the code, if that helps?”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a look. I’m afraid the code won’t help unless I have an item in front of me because we have no computer system.”

Caller: “Well, do you want the code?”

Me: “No, the code won’t actually help me just yet. I’m just looking to see what we have; can you tell me anything more about the item?”

Caller: *starting to sound annoyed* “It’s mid-grey. Look, can’t I just give you the code or something? It would be much quicker!”

(I have now been looking through all our Store Brand coats and have found nothing to match the description, so just in case she was mistaken I look at the Other Brand coats.)

Me: “Like I said earlier, I am unable to look up the code for the item so it really wouldn’t help me right now. Sorry.”

Caller: “For god’s sake, can’t you just find the d*** thing?! I’m reading out the code now!” *reads code*

(I have now been on the phone to her for about 15 minutes and still find nothing.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I’m unable to find anything that matches the description you gave me. I don’t think we have the item in stock.”

Caller: “I know you do; I’ll just give you the code again.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t find anything anywhere. Either you can try and describe the item further or you could contact another store or look online. I’m sorry; we don’t have it.”

Caller: *sounding very annoyed* “Fine. I’ll just find it somewhere else. Bye.”

Me: “Goodbye, thank you for calling. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

Caller: “Whatever.” *hangs up*

(Later on my supervisor answered the phone from the manager of a nearby store. Apparently the woman had phoned them to complain about me and try to get me fired, claiming that I was rude and didn’t even look for the item. It turned out that the coat was a brand that we don’t even carry, so naturally we didn’t have any. My supervisor and all my other colleagues had seen me running backwards and forwards looking for the coat and so knew there was no truth to her complaint. In fact, my supervisor even bought me a pack of biscuits for my trouble and politeness to the woman.)

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The Problem Is A Few Sizes Bigger Than It Should Be

| NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a clothing store where ALL our merchandise is special order – meaning we sell nothing off the rack. We cater almost exclusively to women’s formal wear for weddings.)

Me: *answers phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Um, hi. So, I ordered a bridesmaid’s dress from you guys, and I need a new dress.”

Me: “A new dress? Is something wrong with this one?”

Caller: “It doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Okay, well, when’s the wedding?”

Caller: “September 27th.”

(This all happens during the first week of September.)

Me: “Ah. Well…”

Caller: “Do you think I’ll be okay with the timing and everything?”

Me: “Let me do a mock order and check. *types info into the order system* “Ok, well… It looks like if you ordered the dress today, it wouldn’t even be shipped until the 26th.”

Caller: “What about with rush?”

Me: “That IS with the rush. And even if you paid for the overnight shipping, it wouldn’t get into the store until the 28th or 29th.”

Caller: “But that’s after the wedding!”

Me: “I understand that. There isn’t sufficient time to get your alterations done with us, but maybe if you take it to a tailor they can let it out a size or so.”

Caller: “I need it let out more than a size. I’m telling you, I need a whole new dress.”

Me: *suspecting something isn’t quite right here* “Let me check your file, see if there’s something there that can help. If not, I’ll get one of my managers to help you.” *I scan through caller’s account with us until I find what I already suspected would be there* “Okay, [Caller]?”

Caller: “Yes?”

Me: “When you ordered the dress back in March, do you remember what size you were measured for?”

Caller: “Not specifically.”

Me: “According to our records, you were measured at a 20W.”

Caller: “That sounds right.”

Me: “It also says you declined to order that size. Do you remember what size you ordered?”

Caller: “The dress I picked up was a 12.”

Me: “That’s because you ordered a 12.”

Caller: “And it’s way too small! I need a new dress!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller]. Given the circumstances, I’m afraid there isn’t much we can do. There just isn’t enough time, and frankly, you chose to order a size significantly smaller than what you were measured for.”

Caller: *unintelligible crying and screaming*

Me: “I understand you’re upset and frustrated. However, there really isn’t much we can do for you. I’ll still leave your name for our store manager and have her give you a call, okay?”

Caller: *sniffles and mumbles a goodbye before hanging up*

Me: *to coworker who heard my half of the conversation* “You just can’t make this stuff up.”

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