The Difference Between Hard And Soft Reading Habits

| Dallas, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at a bookstore where we regularly receive phone calls at the information desk for books to be put on hold. We usually ask for the title and go locate whatever copies we have and then call the customer back. This teenage-sounding boy has asked for a book that’s on many high school reading lists and I have gone and gotten the hardback and paperback versions and am calling back to see which he would prefer:)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [My Name] calling you back from [Store]. I was able to locate a hardback and paperback of Lord of the Flies and was wondering which you would like to be put on hold?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The paperback is only 1.50 but the larger hardback, which would leave you more room to write in, if this is for a class, is 5.00.”

Customer: “And when you say paperback, what do you mean?”

Me: “Um… it has a paper cover rather than a hard one and is a smaller version of the book.”

Customer: “So, like, it doesn’t have an actual cover?”

Me: “No, it does. It just happens to be a paper cover rather than a hardback.”

Customer: “So, is it like plastic?”

(This goes on for quite a while, while I attempt to come up with different ways to describe a paperback, which is harder to do than you think. Finally he says—)

Customer: “Okay, just forget it. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I mean, the paperback is only 1.50.”

Customer: “I’m just not getting what you’re trying to tell me.”

Me: “How about I just put them both on hold and you can come look yourself?”

Customer: “Great!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could have been there when he saw what we were debating over.)

Only One A**-Hole Here

| Marina, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

Me: “Good morning, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *grumpy* “I couldn’t find [Obscure Movie].”

Me: “Well, I don’t have access to our inventory system at the cash register, but if you’d like to head over to customer service, they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer: “Well, can you radio over to those a**-holes to see if they have it?”

(I wanted to help him, but at this point, he loses me.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there is a line at customer service, so I can’t radio over and have you jump the other customers.”

Customer: *angry now* “Well then get one of those a**-holes on the sales floor to find it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but here at [Store], we don’t hire a**-holes. If you’d like, though, I can find a sales associate to help you.”

(The customer proceeded to turn bright red, slam the stuff he was going to buy on the counter, and storm out.)

This Customer Is Causing A Real Stink

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work on an online jewelry shop, taking calls for customers who are either confused with products or their prices, our delivery services, etc.)

Me: “[Jewelry Store], this is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Hello! Do you sell deodorant?”

Me: *trying to hold in my laughter* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You know, deodorant. The stuff you put on your armpits?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know what deodorant is, but this is a jewelry store… We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. I’m sorry for your inconvenience.”

Customer: “But jewelry is a beauty product…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand that. I don’t know what you’re getting at, though.”

Customer: “And deodorant is a hygiene product, to help with your beauty.”

Me: *trying not to die laughing* “Ma’am, have you seen our website?”

Customer: “Yes. What do you mean?”

Me: *getting slightly more aggressive* “Did you see deodorant ANYWHERE on it?”

Customer: “No… I just thought you were out of stock.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I am 100% sure you can find deodorant at your local convenience store or grocery store without waiting for shipping.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure if I put my manager on the phone, he’ll say the same thing.”

(I put my manager on the phone.)

Customer: “Hello? Is this the manager?”

Manager: “Yes? I heard you were having some trouble on our website.”

Customer: “Yes, the little lady you have working here isn’t letting me buy deodorant from your website.”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is a jewelry store. We don’t sell deodorant or any sort of hygiene-like products; only jewelry. But, I’m pretty sure you can buy some deodorant from a store near you with no delivery waiting or cost.”

(My mind is blown because that is almost exactly what I said to this lady. The call finishes and the customer returns to me.)

Customer: “Well, I still don’t believe you.”

Using Your Rights To Right Some Wrongs

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(We kick out some teenagers who are kicking balls around the store. One teen kicks the ball so high it hits the lights and breaks them. As I am kicking them out, with security as backup, one of the teens says:)

Teen #1: “It is my God-given right to shop at [Store].”

Me: “And it is my law-given right to kick you out of the store for breaking store property. We can also involve the police, who also have the law-given right to charge you and arrest you. Would you like me to exercise those rights?”

Teen #2: “Uh… no.”

Me: “Then use your God-given legs and get out of my store.”

(My coworkers were trying to look threatening behind me but burst out laughing when I said that.)

Should Have Been Monitoring The Situation More Closely

| Germany | Bizarre, Technology

(We’re a small IT service provider. While we have no hardware in store, we write down customer orders and place an order once enough has accumulated.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, this is [Customer]. I need a new monitor.”

Me: “No problem. Any specific requests?”

Customer: “I need it to replace my secondary monitor. That’s still a narrow one.”

Me: *knowing the customer actually has a 16:9 and a 4:3 monitor at his computer, he once said he’ll use the latter until it breaks* “All right. So the old one is finally broken?”

Customer: “No, it works fine. But I need a wider one. The narrow one became too small and no longer shows all the symbols on my desktop. Or… can I plug in a third monitor? That would give me even more room.”

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