Womb Mates Looking To Be Room Mates

| IA, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

(I am a nighttime desk clerk at a hotel. Two teenage boys enter.)

Older Boy: “Yeah, we’d like a room for the night.”

Me: *suspicious* “Okay, I’ll need to see some ID.”

(The older boy hands over his ID.)

Me: “This says you’re only 17. I can’t give you a room unless you’re 18, especially if you’re checking in with someone else. Besides, I can’t even tell if this is you. The picture’s all smudged out.”

Older Boy: “Oh wait, that’s not my ID. It’s my twin brother’s ID.”

Me: “Your twin brother…”

Older Boy: “Yeah! I mean, can’t you see the family resemblance?”

Ballerina Rex

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am in the toy store with my boyfriend. It’s a Saturday, so it’s pretty crowded with children and their parents. We’re looking at the display of a new dinosaur toy series, when a tiny little girl in a pink ballerina outfit enters the store with her mother. The girl spots the dinosaur display from about 30 feet away, and comes running over.)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy look! Dinosaurs!”

Her Mom: “I see sweetie. Do you want to spend some of your birthday money on the dinosaurs?”

Little Girl: “Yes! Can I have the T-Rex? Or the Triceratops?”

Her Mom: “How about one like the one this lady is buying?”

(The mom gestures to me and the velociraptor set I’m holding. I smile, and hold it at her level so she can see it. The little girl examines it carefully, and then slowly shakes her head.)

Little Girl: “It’s a little too scary. Can I have the T-Rex?”

Her Mom: “Sure sweetie, it’s your birthday money after all.”

(She hands her daughter the T-Rex box, which is nearly as big as she is. Her older brother, who looks about 13, offers to carry it for her.)

Little Girl: “AWESOME! Dinosaurs!”

(Clutching the box, she starts skipping towards the cash with her older brother, twirling and spinning like a ballerina the whole way.)

Her Mom: *sees us laughing* “My little ballerina. She’s been stealing her brother’s toy dinosaurs since she was one!”

(The adorable, dino-loving ballerina made my day!)

Doing A Job On The Kids

| Blackfoot, ID, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(A mother comes in with two young sons. One is about seven, and the other about four.)

Mother: “I got you both candy. Now, no more fighting in the car.

Me: *to the kids* “Fighting in the car? Uh oh. Do you know what happens to kids who fight in the car?”

Boys: “No. What?”

Me: “They get left at gas stations. And do you know what we do with kids who get left here?”

Boys: *wide-eyed* “What?”

Me: “We put them to work. And we don’t give them the fun jobs; we make them clean the toilet!”

(By now the mom is just laughing.)

Boys: “We don’t want to stay here!”

Me: “Yeah. We make the really bad kids clean the toilets with their tongues!”

(I look up to the mom.)

Me: “That might buy you 15 minutes of them not fighting!”

Mom: *to her boys* “Guess you’d better behave so you don’t get left some where.”

Boys: “We’ll quit fighting!”

An Open And Shut Reason

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion

(Our restaurant is open 24 hours a day, and only closes for two days every year. One day in the middle of summer, we unexpectedly close for the day and open the next morning.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well you can get me the [meal] that I couldn’t get yesterday morning because you guys were closed!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Your total will be [total].”

Customer: “Well I think I should get it for free since you guys were closed. I mean, what was so d*** important you had to close in the middle of summer? What about all the people who need coffee before work and need to buy lunch?”

Me: “I can get the manager for you, but I highly doubt she will give you your meal for free.”

(I call the manager over and the customer explains again why he thinks his food should be free.)

Manager: “Sir, I know it was inconvenient for you and all our other customers, but the store was closed yesterday so we could attend a funeral for a beloved coworker that passed away two days ago. If you want compensation for the inconvenience you will have to take the matter up with God.”

(The customer doesn’t bother paying and just leaves the store. Thankfully, the majority of our customers are much nicer about the whole ordeal.)

Have A Heart (Attack)

| SK, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

(I work at a walk-in medical clinic located in a shopping center. It is about 20 minutes before closing and as a result, it’s only the doctor and I working. A man walks in complaining of chest pain, and goes into full cardiac arrest. I am in the back assisting the doctor for approximately 10 minutes as he stabilizes the patient and the paramedics arrive. Once the paramedics take over, I head for the front desk. There is a patient waiting.)

Patient: “About d*** time! I have been waiting for five minutes!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. We had a patient in full cardiac arrest and the doctor required my assistance.”

Patient: “That’s no excuse for bad service. I shouldn’t have had to wait that long. Now, I want to see a doctor.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the doctor will be leaving with the patient and paramedics to go to the hospital. We have to close a few minutes early.”

Patient: “This is ridiculous. I have a sore throat and I need to see a doctor. I demand I be seen before the doctor leaves. Whoever else can wait; I am leaving on a trip tomorrow, and must be seen today.”

Me: “Ma’am, emergencies take precedence. A heart attack beats a sore throat. You either have to come back tomorrow, or seek care elsewhere.”

Patient: “I don’t care about your excuses! I am a busy, important person, and need to see a doctor now!”

(I have lost all patience. I am about to throw her out, when the paramedics start wheeling out the cardiac-arrest patient on the gurney, followed by the doctor.)

Patient: *still yelling* “There, the doctor is right there. He can see me before he takes care of that lazy guy!”

Doctor: “Tell you what: have a heart attack right now, and I will be happy to assist you. Otherwise, get your insensitive a** out of my clinic and don’t ever come back.”

(The customer storms out, but actually tries to come back the next day. She is refused. The man makes a full recovery and sends flowers, gift cards and thoughtful notes to both the doctor and me for the help.)