He Got Burned

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, School, Top

(I am appointed as a volunteer marshal at college. The college hosts a book launch, and the fire alarm goes off. Most people follow directions to the fire exits, but one guest is sat there drinking his free champagne.)

Me: “You can bring your drink if you like, sir, but we have to go outside and wait for the fire brigade to tell us it’s safe to re-enter.”

Guest: “No, I shall stay here. It’ll be a false alarm.”

Me: “I have no way of knowing if it’s a real fire or a false alarm, so please come with me to the assembly point, sir.”

Guest: “I’m not taking instructions from you! Who do you think you are?”

Me: “Just a voluntary fire marshal, sir.”

Guest: “Just a student, then.”

Me: “Yes, I’m a student here. Sorry about this, sir, but there’s a formality I have to conduct.”

(I take out my phone and start the video camera. I point it at him.)

Me: “It’s 12:57 pm. The fire alarm is sounding. I’m instructing you to follow me to the fire exit.”

Guest: “Pathetic. And I’m refusing. What’s the point of that little charade? To show it to your friends on Youtube?”

Me: “No, sir. If it proves necessary, to show it to the coroner at your inquest.”

(I turn and leave. The guest waits until I’m turning the corner, and then follows.)

Piercing Judgments, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance, Top

(I am a waiter in a high-class restaurant. In my section is a cute couple, and from the looks and blushing, it appears they’re on their first date. Both have several visible piercings, and from what I can see on the young woman, they both have tattoos. They’re talking quietly to each other, not disturbing anyone. I’m called over to a nearby table with a dining couple in their mid-forties.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Diner: *loudly* “I want that disrespectful couple out!”

(The diner points to the other couple. Both look up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Diner: “Look at them! They’re disgusting! That woman shouldn’t be seen in public!”

(I see the young woman’s head go down.)

Diner: “And that man should be ashamed! They’re ruining the entire atmosphere!”

(Now both of the couple are looking at their plates. I can barely hear the young woman mumble to her date.)

Young Woman: “Maybe we should go…”

(Both start to stand. I motion for them to sit. I turn back to the loud diner.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you and your husband to leave.”

Diner: *scoffs* “What for?!”

Me: “For disturbing the peace, and ‘ruining the atmosphere.’ I will escort you to the door.”

Diner: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Alright, I’ll go get my manager and have him escort you out.”

(Sure enough, my manager agrees with me and makes the older couple leave.)

Woman: “You’ve just lost your best customers, you heathen!”

(The young couple thank me, and they get 10% off their check for their troubles. They come back every couple of months, requesting me. The last time they come in, there is a decent sized rock on the young woman’s finger.)

Related:
Piercing Judgments

Lunch Lady Is No Lady

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am helping a customer who, with her six-year-old son, pick out stain for her deck. I am the only person in the paint department. Another customer comes up to my desk. I call for backup.)

Me: *to Customer #2* “It should only be a few minutes wait.”

(After about 30 more seconds, Customer #2 storms down the aisle to where I am still working with Customer #1.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “This isn’t personal shopper day! Other people need help; you need to get your s*** and leave!” *to me* “Get your a** on the phone and get someone over here to serve me, b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, he was with another customer. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

Customer #2: *goes back to the desk to wait* “B****!”

Me: *to Customer #1* “I’m sorry about that—”

Customer #1’s Young Son: “It’s okay lady! She is my lunch lady, and she is mean to EVERYONE! Don’t listen to her; you’re doing great helping mommy!”

Some People Never Change

| UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m on my first shift at a new grocery store job as a cashier. The store isn’t very busy, and things have been running quite smoothly. A middle-aged customer and her teenage daughter approach my register. I ring her up and bag her items.)

Me: “That will be £8.90, please.”

(While smiling sweetly at me, she hands me £10. I give her the appropriate change and receipt.)

Woman: “Um, excuse me, trainee, but I handed you a £20 note.”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry, I’ll just check that for you.”

(During the transaction, I had opened only the register to put her £10 inside. Due to store policy, all £20 notes have to be put in a security box under the register. Therefore, no £20 notes are in the register at all. I apologize, and explain this to her. She is all the while still smiling sweetly.)

Woman: “No, stupid girl, it was definitely a 20, wasn’t it?” *turns to her daughter*

Daughter: “Yeah, I saw it.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but there is absolutely no physical £20 note in my cash register. Please, feel free to look.”

(She leans over and looks, then withdraws, still smiling.)

Woman: “Well, you must have just pocketed it while I wasn’t looking. Let’s not drag this out, honey. I’m not leaving until I get my change.”

(At this point, I call over my supervisor to help me deal with the situation. The woman explains her stance and I tell him exactly what I informed the customer. My supervisor explains that he would be more than happy to review security footage if she suspects theft. At this point her smile seems to disintegrate.)

Woman: “I really don’t have the time for this nonsense. If my hard-earned money means so much to that tramp then she can keep it.”

(The woman finally picks up her bag and leaves, her daughter following briskly, but not before telling me to ‘get a life.’ My supervisor leans in and speaks in a low voice.)

Supervisor: “Don’t worry about her. The girl she was with does the same thing whenever there’s a new face on a register. Now I see where she gets it from.”

The Bald And The Beautiful

| Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

(Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

(The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

(As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)