Doesn’t Know One’s (Gas) Station

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Right | January 21, 2016

(A customer comes in and asks to use the phone to call a cab.)

Customer: “Can I get a taxi to the [Wrong Name] on Kingsway.”

Me: “Sir, this isn’t [Wrong Name], That’s down the street. This is [Our Name].”

Customer: “No, it’s not. Are you sure?”

Me: “Well I DO work here, unless I’ve been coming to work at the wrong place. You DID walk past the name about 20 times, but if you don’t believe me, that’s completely fine.”

(20 minutes later, a taxi comes in for fuel.)

Customer: “What took you so long? They said five or ten minutes!”

Taxi Driver: “Nope. No call for here, but there was a call for [Wrong Name] and nobody was there.”

Customer: “…Oh. I guess he was right. Can I still get a ride?”

You Shall Not Pass!

| Austria | Right | January 21, 2016

(A local couple has come up with a “smart” trick how to speed up the waiting time during the rush hours when paying in the supermarket. She will grab something trivial and dash for the checkout and queue while he does the shopping, then finally pushes to the front with his loaded cart, saying “my wife is already there.” They are pretty well known (and loathed, not only for this), and since she is in front of me, I know what is coming up behind me eventually, especially since she is more focused on what’s behind her than actually going for the checkout. A minute later…)

Husband: “Excuse me? That’s my wife.”

Me: *turning around, beaming at him* “Good for you, congratulations!” *turning back around*

Husband: “Let me pass. She’s waiting for me!”

Me: “Oh, you’re such a lovely couple. Of course she’ll wait for you ’til IT IS YOUR TURN!”

Husband: “But she’s been queuing for us!”

Me: “No, she’s been queuing for her yogurt.”

(I let him rant and rave about how I MUST let him pass for his wife is waiting. By now she’s started to chime in and I get berated in stereo. Then he suddenly backs up a little and rams his cart into my heel.)

Me: “Hey! Stop that!”

Husband: “No! Let me pass!”

(He backs up again to hit me with the cart again and, as this clearly took me by surprise, I just so happen to jump when the cart hits me, and, clumsy me, I land right inside the cart, crushing eggs and other perishables in my fall. And if I hadn’t first seen that those eggs have being hidden under something that could absorb the snot they spewed out as they exploded, I might not have been so clumsy… His yelling at me, sitting in his cart, caused me to panic, of course, which meant that me climbing out of the cart spilled what was not spoiled already. Of course, the ruckus didn’t go unnoticed and the manager appears.)

Manager: “What happened?!”

(The manager gets a brief summary from everyone around.)

Manager: *to the couple* “You will be required to pay for the damage caused.”

(This is met with even more yelling and screaming.)

Husband: *pointing to me* “If anyone had to pay it would be him!”

(Eventually they left, still ranting, now being banned from the store. Just to illustrate just HOW much that couple is known and loathed: Instantly two other people in the queue offered to pay for the damage in case I’d be stuck with it.)

Manager: “Finally having a reason to get rid of them for good is more than he could ask from me.”

(I offered to help with the cleaning of the mess I made, which was again declined with a similar statement by the staff.)

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That Explains My New Ferrari

| USA | Right | January 21, 2016

(One month, we’re asking customers if they would like to make a donation for poor families in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, no one is having much luck. Finally, one man I ask agrees to donate five dollars.)

Me: “Oh, thank you! You’re the first person today to say yes!”

Customer: “Not much luck, huh?” *he leans forward, smiles, and lowers his voice* “You wanna know a trick?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “So we can donate one, three, or five dollars, right? Instead of asking ‘Would you like to donate?’ ask if they want to donate one dollar. Then as the month goes by, gradually raise the number to three, then five. You’ll get lots of people to donate one dollar, and if they come back later they’ll remember you, trust you, and agree to donate more.”

Me: “I’m not sure if it’ll work, but thanks!”

(A week goes by…sure enough, his idea is working! He comes back again later and I tell him about my sudden success after trying his trick.)

Me: “Where’d you learn that, anyway?”

Customer: *smiles wide* “I’m a car salesman.”

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The New Fragrance From Soylent Green

| Dublin, Ireland | Right | January 20, 2016

(I work in a department store, in the fragrance department. I was showing two guys our newest fragrance for men.)

Customer: “Have you ever seen the movie Perfume?”

Me: “Yyyeesssss…”

Customer: “Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “You mean… perfume made of people?”

Customer: “Well, one of them was made of hair.”

Me: “No. I do not have any perfumes made of human hair.”

Customer: “Hmm. Okay, thanks.”

Nearby Female Customer: *laugh-snorts, then runs away*

(The guy then stood there for a further 30 seconds while I looked at him awkwardly before he wandered away.)

Feel Free To Leave

| Right | January 20, 2016
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