Out Of Control (Alt) Delete

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hall of Fame, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Elderly Woman: “I need you to delete a website!”

Me: *thinking she means she wants to cancel her account with us* “Okay, ma’am, I can help you with that. Can I have the name of your website so I can look up the account?”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t know the name! It’s got that Satanic Marilyn Manson on it! HE HAS SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: *stunned* “Umm, is this a website you own?”

Elderly Woman: “No, he has sex with sheep! I need you to hit the button and delete him from the Internet!”

Me: “If this is a website that’s not on our servers, there’s no way I can delete it.”

Elderly Woman: “Just hit the button!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

(Someone else picks up the phone, a much younger sounding man, presumably the woman’s son or adult grandson.)

Younger Man: “Can you just hit the button and delete the website so she won’t have to worry about it?”

Me: *guessing that I have to play along* “Umm, sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

(The man hands the phone back to the elderly woman.)

Elderly Woman: “He has SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll hit the button and delete it from the Internet.”

Elderly Woman: “Oh, thank you! He’s the Devil! *hangs up*

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Talking Non-scents

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Hall of Fame

(It’s a couple months after the winter holidays and I’m working self-scan check-outs. My store offers everything from food to electronics. A woman flags me over to her self-scan.)

Customer: “These scented candles are supposed to be on clearance.”

(The candles are scented gingerbread. Holiday items are extremely discounted and the candles are clearly ringing up at full price.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, let me fix that for you.”

(I begin to fix the price on the six or so candles she’s buying as she begins to bag up the rest of her items. She comes up to me a moment later.)

Customer: “Have you smelled these? They smell awful. You would think they would smell better.”

Me: “No, I haven’t smelled them.”

Customer: *offers a candle* “You should smell them.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Go ahead. Smell it.”

Me: *reluctantly taking a whiff* “I really don’t smell anything at all, ma’am. Do you not want the candles if they smell bad?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I still want them.” *she bags the rest up*

(I finish changing the prices and help her finish bagging. My thoughts still turn to the candles.)

Me: “Why are you buying them if you think they smell bad?”

Customer: “Because they’re on clearance! You can’t pass up on these prices!”

(I know customers like this who feel strongly about deals but I’m still stuck on why she would still want so many even though she clearly doesn’t like the smell.)

Me: “But what will you do with them?”

Customer: *pause* “I think I’ll give them to my sister… I don’t really like her either.”

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A Measure Of Common Sense

| UK | Family & Kids, Hall of Fame, Tourists/Travel

(My sister and I have taken our younger brother to a popular UK theme park. We see that the queue for the tea cups is very short, so we begin to get in line. Just as we do, we notice a woman at the front of the queue with a small child obviously too small to ride. She’s talking to the ride operator.)

Woman: “So, I walked all the way through the queue, only to be told he’s too small to ride! You twat!”

(As she begins to storm away, my sister sends her a death glare before turning to me.)

Sister: *loudly* “Maybe we should go back and measure [Brother].”

Me: “Why?”

Sister: *still loudly* “Because we don’t want to walk barely a meter only to be told he’s too small to ride. If we don’t want to look like utter idiots, we need to measure him before queuing up.”

Me: *catching on* “Yeah. That’s what anyone with COMMON SENSE would do.”

(The woman, who had been demanding to see a manager, turned bright red before hurrying away with her child. The ride operator gave us both a high five.)

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On Her Own Little Aisle

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I have just finished counting my till and am heading towards the canteen to change and go home after a 10-hour shift. On my way there, a woman in a scooter stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Where can I find [specific liquor]?”

Me: *not willing to walk her to it as I’m off duty* “It’s in the next aisle, near the end.”

Customer: “Can’t you get it for me? I can’t go driving around the store just searching! I need a lot of things and you know where they are.”

Me: “I’m sure it’s there. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

(I go to the canteen, take off my work clothes, and change into my regular clothes. I head out and bump into the same woman.)

Customer: “Oh, are you off?”

Me: “Yes, I’m heading home.”

Customer: “Can you get me the milk?”

Me: *waving* “It’s over there.”

Customer: “It’s too high up; I can’t get it from my scooter. Get it for me.”

(I sigh and figure I’d be off faster if I just follow her commands.)

Customer: “See, now we’re getting somewhere. This is customer service; you’d better learn it quick!”

The Sweetest Thing Wasn’t The Candy

| USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Hall of Fame, Money

(The ice cream shop I work at also sells candy in a separate section. Since I’m working alone, I’ve closed the candy section. A girl who looks about nine comes in.)

Girl: “Excuse me, could I go in the candy spot?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I open the section and let her wander around. I notice she keeps approaching the candy bars, then backing away looking disappointed.)

Me: “Are you looking for something special?”

Girl: *shyly* “I only have this much…”

(She holds out her hand, revealing about twenty cents in nickels and pennies.)

Me: “Why don’t you look at the bulk bins? We sell that candy by the weight, so you can probably get something from there.”

(She heads to the bins I’m pointing at and carefully counts out a few candies to weigh.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be fourteen cents. Do you want to get a few more?”

Girl: “Nope, that’s just enough!”

(She handed me the money, but still had a few cents in her hand. As she took the bag from me, she dropped the remaining change in the tip jar and scurried out. She gave up a little extra candy to give me a tip. It was far from my largest tip, but it was my favorite.)

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