New Degrees Of Misunderstanding

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a large UK retailer, who has just released a new tablet computer, providing technical support for the product. We’re encouraged to keep customers on the line during the first time setup. This happens just at the start of the call, when selecting a wireless network to connect to.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’ll now see a screen that says ‘Select WiFi.’ Please find your home network connection and select it for me.”

Customer: “Found it! It’s asking for my password, I’ll just type that in… It says ‘Authenticating.’ Why is it saying that?”

(This always means the password was put in wrong. Usually it’s because the customer’s holding the tablet in landscape, and mistypes it.)

Me: “You might’ve accidentally typed the password in wrong. Forget the network and try again. Might I ask how you’re holding the [Tablet] right now?”

Customer: *sigh* “Landscape.”

Me: “Okay, if you could just hold it in portrait for me, just for this step.”

Customer: *long pause* “…How do I do that?”

Me: “Um… you turn it 90 degrees, ma’am. So that the camera’s on the side, instead of the top.”

Customer: *longer pause* “This is too complicated for me! I give up!” *click*

Ask And You Shall Receive

| AB, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve been trying to cancel my newspaper subscription, and have been transferred twice already. I’m starting to get a bit peeved.)

Customer Service Representative: “And how may I help you today?”

Me: “I’m trying to cancel my subscription.”

Customer Service Representative: “May I ask what made you want to discontinue receiving our newspaper?”

Me: “You want the real reason or the polite reason?”

Customer Service Representative: “Um, the real reason?”

Me: “We decided not to paper-train our puppy.”

Customer Service Representative: “…So, the fact that we’re moving from afternoon to morning delivery wouldn’t make a difference to you?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer Service Representative: “All right then, I’ve got you cancelled. Have a good day!”

(Hey, she asked!)

Didn’t Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve clocked out for the day and I’m picking up a few groceries before I leave. Even though I’m wearing a coat and nothing that would identify me as an employee, and pushing a half-filled shopping cart, a customer still stops me as I pass the produce section.)

Customer: “Hey, I know you work here. You need to help me!”

Me: “No, I’m shopp—”

Customer: “—It’s your apples! Are these the kind grown on trees, or were they made some other way?”

Me: “Trees…”