Someone Got The Crazy Card

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Money

Customer: “Check-in, please.”

Me: “Okay. ID and credit card…”

(The customer takes both out and starts to hand them over, but then hesitates.)

Customer: “Okay…”

(She hands them over and I swipe her card and check her ID, then hand them back.)

Customer: “What did you do just then?!”

Me: “I… uh… swiped your card.”

Customer: “Your computer just read my information!”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: *panicking* “That means that now my credit card number is on your computer! How do I KNOW that you won’t take it and go off on a shopping spree?!”

Me: “We don’t do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “How do I KNOW you all won’t?! I don’t know you! I don’t know any of you all!”

Me: “Because if we did, we’d get fired…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “And none of us want to lose our jobs over that…”

Customer: *looks unconvinced*

Me: “Plus, identity theft is a crime so we’d go to jail?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, none of us want to go to jail. Because… it’s full of… crazy people.”

Customer: “…Fine. I guess I trust you!”

Can Tell You Are Closed With My Eyes Closed

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I am at the end of my nine-hour shift as a cashier on a busy Saturday, and am just finishing up with the last customer in my line. My register’s light is off, there is a closed sign at the end of my belt, and my last customer has kindly put up a large closed sign that stretches across the entrance of the lane and blocks access to my till.)

Customer #1: *as I ring up his items* “You look tired. You must be excited to go home?”

Me: “Yes. It’s been a long day.”

(I look up to see a customer climbing over the large closed sign, nearly tripping and spilling his overflowing basket of the items, and heading towards my belt.)

Me: “Sir! I’m sorry but my till is closed.”

Customer #2: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

Customer #1: “Seriously?”

In The Place Of No Return

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

(An older person walks into the store with their gaming laptop.)

Employee: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a virus on my computer. I had antivirus software, so I want to return it.”

Employee: “Did you update your antivirus software?”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to. They should include every virus!”

Employee: “New viruses come out every day. Can I see your receipt?”

Customer: *hands over receipt*

Employee: “This is from [Competitor].”

Customer: “So? You sell computers. You should take it back. And you have pay me $100 for every hour I spend downloading my games again. I have DIALUP!”

Employee: “You will need to return this to [Competitor].”

Customer: “They said no.”

Employee: “Would you like a new computer?”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager.”

Employee: “I’m the manager.”

Customer: “You have horrible customer service.”

Employee: “That’s because I reserve it for CUSTOMERS.”

EBT For HBO

| CT, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Money, Movies & TV

(A customer has called to make a payment with a credit card.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, your bill total is [amount]. What credit card will you be using today?”

Caller: “My credit card number is…”

(The caller starts reading off a credit card number that starts with the number 5, which is a Mastercard, but I notice that what she is reading is over 16 digits long.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but the credit card number you gave me is too long. Is it a Master Card?”

Customer: “No, it’s EBT.”

Appointment Disappointment

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a retail portrait studio that gets very busy during the holiday season. It is a busy Saturday, and we are completely booked. A woman walks in with her family dressed to the nines and says she’s checking in for her appointment, but I don’t see it.)

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see you in the system. What time was your appointment for?”

Customer: “10:40 am. Are you almost ready for me? My daughter won’t cooperate for long.”

(The current time is 3:30 pm.)

Me: “Oh, well, since your appointment was for this morning I won’t be able to get you in now because we are fully booked—”

Customer: “What do you mean? I made an appointment and I expect to be seen!”

Me: “Yes, but you are five hours late for your appointment. As I was saying, we are booked today but I do have time tomorrow if you like.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I can’t believe you don’t honor appointments!”

Me: “We do, but you are five hours late.”

Customer: “But you should be ahead of schedule!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I didn’t show up for my appointment earlier so you should be ahead of schedule now since you had one less appointment to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, all of the other guests we’ve had today didn’t magically know to show up earlier for their appointment because you wanted to come in later.”

(She continued to rant about how we should be ahead of schedule for her until we finally asked her to calm down or leave. The other guests in our very crowded studio started clapping when she left.)

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