Stark Raving Mad

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

(The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.'”

Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

Customer: “WELL DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

Sea Of Electricity

| NV, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m handing out inner tubes for a popular water slide. Several young men come up; one of them has a tattoo on his side that makes it look like his skin is peeling away to reveal mechanical inner workings. Shortly after they get in line, two little girls come up. They stare at the tattooed man for a few moments, and then one taps him on the leg.)

Girl #1: “Are you sure you can go in the water?”

Tattooed Man: “Uh… I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Girl #1: “But what about that?” *points to his tattoo* “My mommy says electric stuff can’t get wet.”

Tattooed Man: *grinning* “Oh, don’t worry. I’m an underwater explorer robot. I’m built for that stuff.”

Girl #2: “So you won’t break? Even if you get water all inside you?”

Tattooed Man: “Nope!”

Girls #1 & #2: *gaping at him* “Wow…”

Worshiping A Vengeful God

| Waco, TX, USA | Money, Movies & TV, Religion

(At our theater, matinee ends at 6 pm, and 3D movies cost $2.50 more than regular ones. It’s about 5:50 pm and I’m selling tickets for a 6pm showing.)

Customer: “Well, I’d like two for The Avengers.”

Me: “Alright, the 6 pm is in 3D; is that okay?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s why we’re watching the 6 pm one!”

Me: “Fantastic. Any student or military IDs for a discount today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, for two tickets that’s $19.”

Customer: “FOR TWO TICKETS? That’s ridiculous! I thought this place was supposed to be cheap; what am I even paying for?”

(I’ve zoned out, and just grab his glasses when his wife cuts in.)

Customer’s Wife: *over her still-ranting husband* “Ignore him. He’s had a bad day. Here’s a twenty.”

(I finish their transaction and someone walks up to them and greets the man.)

Other Customer: “Oh, hey Pastor!”

Learning The Hard Way

| AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

Driver: “Why not?”

Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

(She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

(She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

Top 5 Not Always Right Stories of September

Not Always Right | Roundups

September 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of September!

  1. The First And True Language Of America (4,997 thumbs up)
  2. You Can’t Stop The Music (3,242 thumbs up)
  3. CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction (3,153 thumbs up)
  4. Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson (3,137 thumbs up)
  5. Piercing Judgments, Part 2 (2,823 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!