Wants The Number Of The Devil

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

Paying Dearly

| AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(I am working my second day as a cashier when an elderly customer walks up with a bundle of bananas and a drink.)

Me: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Store]. Would you like me to match the price of these bananas, dear?”

Customer #1: “No, godd*** it!”

Me: “Okay. Not a problem. I apologize. Would like to donate anything to [Charity We Support]? ”

Customer #1: *turns away and mutters something*

Me: “Was that a yes or…”


Me: *all smiles* “I’m so sorry, sir. Not a problem.”

Customer #1: “I am so f****** tired of your s***, you little b****! The people here are so godd*** stupid. Quite smiling. Your job f****** sucks.”

(He walks off cursing under his breath.)

Me: *turning to the next customer* “Hello, dear. How ar—”

Customer #1: *rushing back* “And don’t call people dear, you little tramp! I’m old enough to be your d*** grandfather and she’s a woman, you f****** lesbian!”

(At this point, I’m almost in tears because it’s my second day ever and I’ve had nothing but positive responses all day. My current customer speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Don’t listen to that old b******, honey. You’re doing great and can call me whatever you like. Now, how much can I donate to that charity you were askin’ about?”

Stupidity Can Accumulate

, | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I am working as a cashier. A customer comes up with a large order, which I ring up.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $2000.”

(The customer swipes his card and enters his account information and pin. It’s declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! I have lots of money in this account! Try it again!”

(I try it again. Again it’s declined.)

Me: “Did you mean to hit chequing? If you meant to use your savings account, that could be why it’s declined.”

Customer: “No, I only use my chequing account!”

Me: “Well, do you have a daily limit? Some banks have that set up, so you can only spend a certain amount each day.”

Customer: “Yes, I have a $500 daily limit.”

Me: “This transaction is for $2000, sir. That’s a lot more than $500.”

Customer: “But I haven’t used this card in three days!”

Me: “It’s a DAILY limit. It resets every day.”

(I didn’t feel like explaining that, even if it was cumulative, that still wouldn’t have equaled $2000.)

A Strange Site To Behold

| GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you ship?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, off of our website.”

Caller: “What is your website? I’ve been looking all over for it and I can’t find it.”

Me: “May I ask how you got our number, ma’am?”

Caller:  “Off of your website.”

Me: “But how could you get our number off of our website if you can’t find our website?”

Caller:  *hangs up*

(What a way to start the day…)

Thinks They’re Trying To Pull The Wool Over Your Eyes

| Ireland | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(I work in a wool mill. I’m almost finished for the day, and tired from lifting and weighing yarn, weaving, and answering phones, when a married couple come into the store at the front of the mill. The husband keeps interrupting me.)

Husband: “So, all of these scarves are obviously wool.”

Me: “Nope. We use some wool, but we use a lot of cotton, linen, sil—”

Husband: “Uh-huh. And it’s all Irish wool, of course.”

Me: “No, we don’t actually use Irish wool because it’s not great for wearing. Irish sheep have short, wiry wool that is too—”

Husband: “And why not? You have loads of sheep out there! I’ve seen them!”

Me: “I know our sheep look lovely out there in the field, but their wool mostly goes into carpets and—”

Husband: “Carpets! Where do you get your wool then?”

(At this point, I’m getting a little overwhelmed, and his wife can see that.)

Wife: “[Husband], let the girl finish; she’s trying to answer you. If you’re going to ask a question, wait for the answer.”

(The husband then shuts up and lets me finish my sentence.)

Me: “A lot of our wool comes from Italy and Japan. Warm climates have better wool, but we don’t just use wool from regular old sheep. We have alpaca and camel too, and we’re thinking of using yak next year.”

Wife: “Fascinating! Thank you so much. What’s your name?”

Me: “Oh, my name is [My Name].”

Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband can get a bit excited when it comes to new things. He thinks he already knows everything about it. Don’t let him get to you. We’ll take these please!”

(She held up six scarves and I folded and bagged them. The husband pouted in the corner. Probably not the first time he’d been told off by his wife!)

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