What The Flux Capacitor!

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Right | March 5, 2016

(I work doing PC and electronic maintenance at a large company. I am called into an office to check out a malfunctioning label maker.)

Me: “So, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “It isn’t working; I can’t get it to print.”

(I take a look at the document and print out the labels effortlessly.)

Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t working yesterday when I needed it.”

Me: “I see. You might have just needed a simple restart. It seems to be working now. Is there anything else you need.”

Customer: “Well, why wasn’t it working yesterday?”

Me: “I can’t be sure since it seems to be working now. Unless you were doing something different?”

Customer: “No, but I needed it to work yesterday.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t fix it yesterday.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t have a time machine.”

The Gift Of Death

| TX, USA | Right | March 5, 2016

(I work at the service desk of a home improvement store. I’ve had a line of customers wanting to do returns and purchases. An older man walks up to my register.)

Customer: “I need a gift card.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that for you. Unfortunately the only two I have down here say ‘THANKS’ on them. Is that okay?”

Customer: “It’s for a funeral.”

Me: “…Oh. Uhm, well we have a much larger variety down at the regular registers.”

Customer: “You mean I have to go all the way down there after I’ve been waiting here for ten minutes?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I only have these two gift cards down here, and they both say ‘THANKS.’”

(He huffed and walked away. I told a few coworkers and none of us could figure out why you would give a gift card for a home improvement place at a funeral.)

A Repeat Problem

| TX, USA | Right | March 5, 2016

(To keep from making the order wrong, I repeat the order at the end before they pay to make sure it’s correct.)

Me: *repeating big order back to older gentleman customer*

Customer: *obviously not paying attention*

Me: “Does that sound right?”

Customer: “Yes! Make sure my order is correct!”

Me: “Okay, that will be [total].”

(15 minutes pass and they get their order.)

Coworker: “That guy with his family is asking for you. Go see what he wants.”

Me: “Yes, sir, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “I told you I didn’t want cheese on my burger and I wanted fries with ALL my burgers. Those are missing fries!”

(He didn’t say that at all and I know because I’m very attentive for this reason.)

Me: “Sir, I repeated the order back to you to make sure it was correct…”

Customer: “NO! You obviously were not listening to me!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and fix your burger and get you some fries.”

(And of course we had to make a new burger and he got three free side orders of fries. He probably just did it for free stuff…)

Well He’s Certainly Not Calling Out Their IQ

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | March 4, 2016

(My mother and I stop at a local fast food restaurant, located across from the high school. The high school has varying hours for students, and during this time, only AP students are allowed off campus. We place our order and get in line behind two teenagers to wait for our food. Our number is quickly called. While eating, we notice that the teens are still waiting for their food.)

Server: “Order 219, your food is ready.”

(The server had been calling this number since before we ordered, and we are now halfway done with our food.)

Server: “Last call for order 219.”

(One of the teenagers turns to the other.)

Teen #2: “Are you sure that’s not our order? We’ve been waiting a long time.”

Teen #1: “I’m sure. He’s calling 219 and our number is two-one-nine. See?” *shows friend the receipt*

Teen #2: “Oh, yeah. Well, I hope they hurry with our food. I’m hungry!”

(I fear for the youth of our nation.)

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On The Cliff-Edge Of Acceptable Humor

| Austin, TX , USA | Right | March 4, 2016

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Cashier: “Well, you know, some days are okay and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Cashier: *grins*

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