A Block Of Highland(er) Cheese

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I’m on the register late at night when a coworker I vaguely know from another department comes through with his shopping. I scan his items and all is well until I try to scan a block of cut cheese from our deli. The register brings up a warning that it can’t be sold because it is past its use-by date.)

Me: “Sorry; it’s out of date.”

Coworker: “I don’t care.” *he holds his hand out*

(I know that its just going to be thrown out if I waste it and so does he. He is the store butcher, so I look around to check no one is around and just hand him the cheese. I feel I have to be sure though.)

Me: “You’re sure?”

Coworker: “Yep.” *he hides his cheese* “Cheese is always good. Cheese is just milk’s attempt at being immortal.”

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She’s Not Stupid, She Just Acts Like It

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I am a manager and have been called up to the register by my cashier because a customer is disagreeing with a price on a cat bed. They have pre-printed prices and have just gone up in price. We have missed tearing one of the old price tags off. The beds are also on sale for $3.00 off with a rewards card.)

Customer: “This bed of a different color said it was $14.99 but it’s ringing up as $19.99.”

Me: “Of course! The price of these actually just changed. We must have missed that other one while taking the tags off. I can change that for you.”

(I go to the screen and point the numbers out to the woman as I speak.)

Me: “Okay! So, the bed is also on sale today for $3.00 off. So what I’m going to do is push the computer to change the price to $17.99 and then it will automatically take off that additional $3.00 for me, bringing the price down to that $14.99 for you today!”

Customer: “Okay, so the bed is on sale, after being $14.99? So shouldn’t the price be lower?”

Me: “The sale is for $3.00 of off the $19.99 price. So if I price match that lower price for you, it’s the lower price of the two options.”

Customer: “But the other bed said $14.99 and it’s on sale! I’ll show you!”

(At this point I try to interject as I believe her 100% and have no problem changing the price for her. She insists though and I wait patiently for her to bring the bed back to me. Meanwhile, her husband is laughing and apologizing for her. Note, she had no idea the bed was on sale previously.)

Customer: *holding the other bed out to me* “See! This says $14.99 right on the tag.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and that’s what you’re paying for the bed today.”

Customer: “But it was on sale!”

Me: *getting agitated* “Yes, ma’am, it is, off the price of the bed now. But since we forgot to remove that price tag I’m giving it to you for $14.99 instead of $16.99.”

Customer: “Okay, but if I came into the store right now and went to go get a bed, how much would I pay for it?”

Me: *exasperated* “$16.99!”

Customer: “Listen, I’m not stupid! I’m a smart person; I’m just trying to get you to understand. I need to understand. Why am I paying that much for the bed?”

Me: *literally throwing my arms in the air* “Ma’am, how much would you like to pay for the bed today!?”

Customer: “It’s not that! It’s the principle of it!”

Me: “No, Ma’am. I am not going to stand here all day and argue with you. Please, tell me how much you think you should pay for the bed and I will change it for you.”

Customer: “No, just forget it! I’m not stupid; you’re missing the point.”

Me: *sighs* “All right, Ma’am. Well, you have a great day.”

(I walked away, finding several associates in the nearby aisles, that had been listening and laughing. Apparently, after checking out, she tried to explain to my cashier how I was wrong, expressing again how she wasn’t stupid!)

Avoiding A Hair-Raising Situation

| Wisconsin Dells, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(Our mom takes us through the drive through of a fast food joint known for frozen custard. We all have one, and as we are driving away and eating, three of us discovered long hairs in our custard. We go back through the drive through and my mother tells them what happened. The poor teen on the mic sounds so nervous when my mom calmly explains the situation. They give us free replacements. We get to the window and instead of the kid, it’s the manager.)

Manager: *hands my mom the tray of three custards as well as a handful of tokens for a free scoop of custard*

Mom: “What is this for?”

Manager: “Ma’am, so many customers in your situation would have screamed at my poor employees and terrified them. The other day, a customer came up to the counter and screamed at and verbally abused the fifteen-year-old girl at the register because he found a very small piece of onion on his burger when he had asked for none because he doesn’t like the smell of them. And other people would try to sue us for that. So I am giving these to you as a thank you.”

Mom: “Oh, wow. You’re welcome, I guess.”

(Our custard was delicious and hair free, though it melted rather quickly once we got to the park as it was the summer. Good thing we had dishes and not cones!)

Unlimited Capacity To Be Annoying

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I am working at a high end outlet store, welcoming customers, when the power unexpectedly cuts out. Most of the customers are understanding of this when we ask everyone to please leave the store and offer to hold items behind the register until the power comes back and we can ring people out.)

Customer: “These are MY items; you can’t steal them from me. I am going to BUY them.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we cannot check you out without power.”

Customer: “Why not? You can’t add prices without the cash register?”

Me: “Ma’am, you have over $4000 dollars worth of merchandise here. Do you have that much cash?”

Customer: “Ugh, no one carries that much cash. I have a credit card. Unlike SOME people I have an UNLIMITED card.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I cannot run your card with no power. If you will please give me your items, I will hold them here. We need to vacate the store now, please.”

Customer: “It’s an UNLIMITED CARD. Do you understand what that means? It means I CAN’T be denied! UNLIMITED!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I still have to run the card. Please give me your items.”

Customer: “NO! You’re going to steal my things. I have an UNLIMITED CARD!”

(Finally my manager and a security guard were able to get her out of the store until power was restored. The best part? When she came back to buy her items, her card was declined.)

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Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics

| ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I’m waitressing at a small restaurant when a young mother with a toddler walks in accompanied by the mother’s grandfather. I seat them and they order. The grandfather orders the chicken fried steak which is soft enough that a knife isn’t necessary so one normally isn’t given with the meal. This happens as I drop off their plates.)

Grandfather: *looks at his plate then up at me angrily* “WHERE THE F*** IS MY KNIFE? HUH? HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS—”

(Suddenly the mother slaps her hand onto the table hard enough that all the dishware jumps, the toddler yelps, and the grandfather is startled into silence.)

Toddler: “Uh oh. Mama MAD. Not me did it!”

Mother: *looks at the grandfather with a look of pure fury* “You do NOT speak to people that way! Do you understand? Now, I told you, if I’m going to take you out to eat then you WILL be on your best behavior. Now you will either apologize to this young lady or you can go sit in the car by yourself and be hungry. Everyone else in the family might be willing to put up with your attitude but not me! So you got two options: apologize or leave.”

Grandfather: *crosses his arms and sulks*

Mother: “Apologize or car. NOW.”

Grandfather: *sighs* I’m sorry for saying those things to you.”

Me: “Thank you for apologizing, sir. Now, that was a steak knife you needed?”

Grandfather: “Yes.”

Mother: *crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at him*

Grandfather: *looking like he bit into a lemon* “Please.”

(The mother smiles and I turn my attention to her.)

Me: “And anything for you, ma’am?”

Mother: “More napkins, please.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll be right out with those.”

(The rest of the meal passes by in complete silence with the grandfather sulking the whole time. I drop off their check, the mother tucks it under her arm, drops a tip on the table, then turns around and helps her son put on his jacket. While her back is turned the grandfather quickly picks up the tip, stuffs it in his jacket pocket, and scurries out. Finishing with her child the mother leads him over to the counter and places the check on the counter. I’m struggling with myself on whether or not I should tell her about what her grandfather did.)

Mother: *watches me for a minute* “Well, you obviously want to say something so say it! I’m sorry for the way my grandpa acted. I’m working on teaching him manners. But, if you have something to say feel free to speak up. So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.*

Me: “It’s… um… just that your… um, grandfather took the tip money while your back was turned.”

Mother: “HE WHAT?!”

(Leaving her son there the mother storms off back to the table, audibly gasps when she sees the lack of money, practically runs back to the register, scoops up her child, and leaves. Through the window I see her walk to the passenger side of the car, point to the grandfather, mouth the words ‘big trouble,’ and open the back-seat passenger door. The grandfather moves down in his seat a little bit, the mother calmly buckles her kid into the car, closes the door, then opens the grandfather’s door. I can’t hear what’s being said but it’s obvious that whatever she’s screaming has the grandfather shrinking in his seat until he is literally hiding his head in his jacket. The mother suddenly reaches forward, snatches something from him, slams the car door, and comes back inside.)

Mother: “The nerve of some people! My goodness! I am so so sorry for my grandfather’s antics. Thank you. though. for being honest. *I ring up her transaction* I was going to give you a bit for being so patient with him but I think you deserve a bit extra. As for him, well, he can stay home eating cold ham and cheeses sandwiches for a few days. We’ll see how well he likes that!”

(The mother tipped me generously then left. They did come in the following week but this time the grandfather was much better behaved!)

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