Doing A Number On The Wrong Number

| UK | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(Our home phone number is only one digit different from a local supermarket. We get about one call a month intended for them. I’m about 14 years old.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I have a complaint.”

Me: “Uh… this isn’t—”

Caller: “You are all incompetent! Why is my delivery so late?”

Me: “Look this is a private number—”

Caller: “I have friends coming over! I’m hosting a dinner party, and I have no food because you are all useless!”

Me: “I’m sorry but—”

Caller: “I want to speak to your manager! I want—”

(I give up and hang up. The phone rings almost immediately.)

Caller: “HOW DARE YOU RANG UP ON ME, YOU B****!”

(I hang up again. The phone rings again.)

Caller: “GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR RIGHT F****** NOW! I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR JOB, YOU LITTLE S***!”

Me: “Oh, you want to speak to Mum or Dad?”

Caller: “…what?”

Me: “Like I tried to tell you: this isn’t [shop]; this is a home number.”

Caller: *very small voice* “…What?”

Me: “This isn’t [supermarket].”

Caller: “But… but… I called them! WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING THEIR PHONE!?”

(I hang up again, and tell my dad he is answering if she calls back. She does. It is a very short conversation.)

This One Cuts The Mustard

| USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I overhear an exchange while doing prep work.)

Customer: “Can I get everything on it?”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Oh, wait, I don’t want mustard.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry, I already put it on there.”

Customer: “Oh… it’s okay.”

Coworker: “Are you sure? We can absolutely make you another sandwich.”

Customer: “No, no, I’m the one who said I wanted it on there!”

Coworker: “I promise, sir; I’ll make you a mustard-free sandwich.”

Coworker: “No, don’t even worry about it, please. I’ll take it as-is. It’s entirely my fault.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir, if you promise it’s okay! I’m sorry there’s mustard on it!”

Customer: “Oh don’t be silly; I’m the one who should be sorry.”

(I turn and look at another worker who looks straight at me.)

Me: “That guy is the best guy in the entire world.”

Second Coworker: “Yes. Yes he is. I think he deserves a medal.”

Convicted By His Convictions

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

(I work in a five-star hotel in Amsterdam. It is standard policy that guests give their credit card number upon check-in, or a cash deposit if they do not have a credit card. If they use up a lot of their credit, sometimes reception has to contact the guest for an extra cash deposit. We notice on a Saturday that a guest has completely spent his deposit on watching pay TV of a certain explicit nature. My coworker rings the guest in his room with the request that he should come down to reception to give us more cash.)

Coworker: *to me* “Well, that did not go down very well. He says he did not spend any of his deposit, and he is coming down to reception to see the bill after he is finished praying.”

(At that moment, the elevator door opens and man in full Jewish prayer garb steps out.)

Guest: “I have just been called about my bill, and I would like to see it.”

Coworker: “Sure, I have already printed it out. As you can see, you have watched TV here, here and here, and that is why your balance is so low.”

Guest: “There is no way I watched that filth! Look at me! Do I look like a man who would watch that sort of shocking thing? I don’t understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place. I don’t want anything to do with that! God-fearing people like I should be protected from accidentally zapping to those kinds of channels.”

Coworker: “Well, sir, you did not accidentally zap to that channel. You have to type your room number to activate this program. After five minutes, you get a message on screen that you have to start paying now, and type in the room number again. Then the system asks you to press the confirm button. You cannot do all that by accident. Furthermore, I can see in the records that you watched this channel on three different days for more than two hours at a time. This indicates to me that you have watched a full movie on all these occasions, so I am not satisfied that you accidentally landed on this channel for a few seconds.”

(The guest throws a few banknotes in my coworker’s face and marches off.)

Me: *to coworker* “I have a feeling this is not the end of it”.

(At that moment, the phone rings, and I can see the guest’s room number in the display.)

Me: *to coworker* “It’s your friend from the pay TV room; you’d better take this call.”

Coworker: *on the phone to the guest* “Yes, sir, you told me that you could not understand that a hotel would subject its guests to that kind of immoral muck in the first place, that you did not want anything to do with that, and that God-fearing people like you should be protected from accidentally zapping to that kind of channels. So I put the child lock on so that you did not have to be subjected to the filth anymore. Have a nice day…”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5

| USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(The new ‘Grand Theft Auto’ game has just been released, and my coworker and I have been very adamant on informing all parents of the content, going so far as to read off the ESRB rating site as needed to make sure they’re alright with the game. A 14-year-old boy and his mother come in.)

Son: “Yeah, I’m here for the new GTA game.”

Me: “Alright. Just to check, ma’am, are you alright with the M rating on this? It’s got a lot of objectionable content including—”

(I read off the back of the case.)

Mother: “…I don’t know.”

Son: “It’s fine!”

Me: “According to the people who rate these, there’s also male genitalia in a non-sexual context involving cult members and necrophilia. There’s also a torture sequence.”

Mother: “No! Absolutely not! We’re not getting it.”

Son: “YES WE ARE! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THIS FOR ME!”

Mother: “No. We’re leaving.”

Son: “I’M BUYING IT!” *looks to me expectantly*

Me: “She is your mother, and she said no. I’m not able to sell this to you.”

Son: *to mother* “YOU CAN’T TELL ME NO! YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT! THIS IS A F****** WASTE OF TIME! I’LL JUST COME BACK WITH DAD AND HE’LL GET IT FOR ME!”

Mother: “You do not use that language with me! That’s it, we’re leaving. NOW!”

(The mother storms off, forcing the son to leave. I turn to my boss and other customers who are staring after them in shock.)

Me: “And that, right there, is why we make sure to advise on the content.”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

Stark Raving Mad

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

(The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.'”

Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

Customer: “WELL DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*