Things Just Got Weird

| USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(A teenage male comes in and asks for a book. After receiving it, he goes and stands in the middle of an open space, directly in my line of sight, and starts fidgeting and wiggling. He hasn’t checked out yet.)

Him: “I’m not stealing anything, I swear.”

(He’s been in my eyesight the whole time he’s been in the store and I know he hasn’t touched anything. The only books he passed by are huge coffee table books that he couldn’t hide in his current possessions.)

Me: “I know you haven’t.”

Him: “Well, I won’t. I swear. I’ll keep my hands right here!”

(He thrusts his hands in his pockets, but only lasts a second before taking them back out and fidgeting around some more – hands in his hair, messing with his shirt, etc.)

Me: “Do I need to be worried?”

Him: “No, no… I’m just standing here because if I don’t… I’ll… do things.”

Me: “Things?”

Him: “Bad things…”

(After about five minutes his dad came in and bought him a book on black magic. The kid said thank you and left. No inventory was missing.)

Dairy Drama Queen

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)

Customer: “You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”

Server: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”

Customer: “No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”

Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* “[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”

Me: *to the customer* “The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”

Customer: “Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”

Me: “Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”

Customer: “How would you know?!”

Me: “I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”

Customer: “Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

Thankless And Helpless

| Lexington, SC, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(I’m wearing a red polo and khaki pants while walking around a store whose logo looks like a bulls-eye. I notice a woman is kicking a large stereo in a box down the main aisle heading to the registers with her foot and carrying her son in her arms.)

Me: “Can I help you carry that?”

Her: “YES! It’s about time someone offered to help!”

(I am shocked as I pick up the box and follow her to the register.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything all right?”

Her: “No! I called for help for 15 minutes and no one showed up so I had to slide the box along the floor by myself. Then after I’ve been pushing this box for the last 10 minutes, this a***** FINALLY shows up to help!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, he… he doesn’t work here.”

Her: “Of course he does! He’s wearing your uniform!”

Me: “No, I just happen to like the color red.”

Her: “Well, you shouldn’t wear a red polo and khaki pants in [Store]!”

(She stormed out of the store after putting her box in a buggy. I assumed some humility and a thank you would have been asking for too much.)

Never Too Old To Live

| OH, USA | Bizarre

(An old man approaches me. I can’t remember the first thing he said to me because it made absolutely no sense.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

(He puts out his fist to me. I’m unsure what to do for an awkward two seconds, then I put out my fist. He proceeds to fist bump me.)

Old Man: “YOLO.”

(He walks away as I stand there in shock.)

Page 890/3,086First...888889890891892...Last