Mothers Can Be Soul-Destroying

| USA | Family & Kids

(I work in a Halloween pop up shop that sells costumes and accessories. A mother and son, about five years old, come in.)

Boy: “Excuse me, I want a Batman costume.”

Woman: “Not too expensive, please.”

Me: “Okay! Let me let me show you where they are.”

(I lead them to the costumes, turn around to talk to them, and the boy is completely naked.)

Boy: “I’m going to try that one!”

Woman: “[Boy]! We need to put on your clothes!”

Boy: “But you said being naked is good for your soul.”

Me: *trying unsuccessfully to stifle laughter*

(The woman is frantically apologizing and trying to put on her son’s clothes.)

Son: “No! My soul!”

Miss Strawberry Vodka Needs Her Tonic

| Boston, MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(My coworkers and I are enjoying our company holiday party. One of my coworkers, who just turned 21, is ordering a drink. The server is clearly experienced and knows what she’s doing.)

Coworker: “Can I please have a strawberry lemonade with vodka?”

Server: “Sure! I’ll be back with your drinks.”

(About three minutes later, the server arrives with my tables’ drinks, including my coworker’s lemonade. She takes a sip.)

Coworker: “Oh, no! This is too strong. Can you please add some more juice to it? And can you also add some whipped cream on top?”

Server: “Sure, no problem.”

(Our server is back almost a minute afterwards with her drink. As soon as she puts it down in front of my coworker, the following happens:)

Coworker: “I forgot to ask you to put it all in the blender! I can’t have this drink like this. Please take it back and put it through the blender!”

Server: “I am sorry, miss, but you would need to order a new drink.”

Coworker: “Why? It’s just a quick ten seconds on the blender! How is that too hard for you to do?”

Server: “I apologize but this is company policy. Would you like to order a frozen drink instead?”

Coworker: “Never mind! You’re so unhelpful! I would like to speak to your manager!”

Me & Other Coworkers: “Shut up and drink your cocktail!”

(We found out that my coworker did not tip our server. We all gave a little extra on our tips to make up for her abrasiveness. Our server was really happy to know not all of us were like my coworker!)

Going Locally Loco

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I own a small business where I make and sell plush toys, all with patterns I create myself. I’m dealing with a new customer at a local anime convention where I’m selling them in the artist alley.)

Customer: “So, are these made locally?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I actually make them.”

Customer: “No, are they made locally?”

Me: “Yes… I make them.”

Customer: “I don’t think you’re understanding me. Are. They. Made. LOCALLY?!”

Me: *stands up, pointing to myself* “I—” *picks up plush toy* “—make. THEM.”

Customer: *sighs dramatically in irritation* “Yes, you SELL them. I want to know who makes them! D***, listen for once, will ya?”

Me: *waits a moment and extends hand* “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I’m the owner, founder, proprietor, and artistic mind behind [My Business Name]. Every plush you see here on this table was designed BY ME and sewn, BY ME. No one else; nowhere else. Me and me alone. Me, as in local business owner. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Why didn’t you say so to start with?”

Me: “…”

(To make things worse, he didn’t buy anything.)