Needs To Inspect Their Own Irony

| Suwannee, GA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s Christmas Eve, and we are slammed with everyone coming to get that last final checkup before going on vacation.)

Me: “Welcome to [Auto Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have my car inspected. I’m getting ready to go on a long trip and I don’t have much time. Can you get this done quickly?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we have about a one hour wait before we can get you in.”

Customer: “Wow, I didn’t think it would be this busy being it’s the day before Christmas. You know if people didn’t come in on holidays the big corporations wouldn’t open their doors on them.”

Me: “So that’s a no to the inspection?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I totally want to still do it. I’m just saying.”

Christmas Twine, Mistletoe, And Whine

| UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s Christmas Eve. The phone rings and I answer it.)

Customer: “Hello, I saw in your catalogue that you sell cooking twine.”

Me: “Yes, we do sell cooking twine.”

Customer: “I need to order some; I need it for tomorrow.”

Me: “I would be happy to reserve you some and you can pick it up later on in the day?”

Customer: “No, that won’t work; I live 60 miles away. You’ll have to post it to me.”

Me: “Are you asking me to post an item out to you so it arrives on Christmas morning?”

Customer: “Are you telling me you can’t help me? You are disgusting. You’ve ruined my Christmas and my family’s Christmas!”

In A Happy Holi-daze

| MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Cashier: “Will these books be all for you today?”

Me: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Well, you have a very Merry Christma—”

(The cashier peers at my Star of David necklace with Hebrew engraving.)

Cashier: “—AND I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah!”

(The cashier then waves to everyone waiting in line to get their attention.)

Cashier: “Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Spiritually Fullfilling Equinox, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!”

(The whole line applauds and laughs.)

Me: “That was awesome!”

Cashier: “I know that Happy Holidays covers everything, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I knew all of them just in case?!”


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