Roadkill Is A Feline-y

| UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Transportation

(I’ve just started working on the reception and a customer comes rushing in.)

Customer: “Oh, my god, you have to help. I’ve just run over a cat!”

Me: “I think the vet is still in the building. If you bring the cat straight through to the back I’ll run and get him.”

Customer: “I don’t have it with me!”

Me: “Is someone else bringing it in? How injured is it? We can get everything ready.”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on [motorway at least 10 miles away], and I just wanted you to let the owner know.”

Me: “So… you hit it on the motorway? And you want me to find the owner and let them know?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I already feel terribly guilty and would feel worse knowing the owner didn’t know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do my best. Thanks?”

Gno Entry

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(Our front desk is very large, and in the winter it can get chilly. We recently installed a large piece of glass to help deflect the cold air coming from the entrance. By the end of the first week I was tired of answering the same two questions about the glass.)

Regular Patron: “This glass is new. When was it put in?”

Me: “Monday.”

Regular Patron: “Why did they put it in?”

Me: “To keep the gnomes out.”

Regular Patron: *nods slowly and gravely* “Oh, yes, I understand.”

(The patron walked off perfectly satisfied.)

Turning Right Is Apparently Wrong

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I work in a campground that is just outside of the city limits. We are off a highway that has the ‘Welcome to our city’ sign on it, and which is the only way in or out of the city for miles. A customer comes in with a GPS.)

Customer: “I’d like to get into the city. What should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Oh, it’s quite simple, just exit the campground and turn right. The highway leads into the city.”

Customer: “But what should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Are you looking for a particular location?”

Customer: “No, I just want to get into the city itself. Can you tell my GPS what directions it should give me?”

Me: “All you have to do is turn right and follow the highway. You won’t need your GPS. Once you pass the ‘Welcome’ sign you should begin to see buildings.”

Customer: “But how do I get into the city? I need my GPS to tell me what to do!”

(I give up, and program the GPS with the coordinates of a gas station just past the ‘Welcome’ sign.)

GPS: “Turn right. In five kilometers, you will reach your destination.”

Customer: “Hey, the city is just down the road! You could have just told me to turn right!”

It’s All Sliding Downhill From Here

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(An elderly gentleman wearing a wife beater that is tucked into his underwear slowly makes his way to the counter to pick up his pizza. After a seemingly normal transaction with a sane customer, he picks up his pizza and turns to walk out the door. As he turns he tilts the pizza vertically and puts it under his arm (like carrying a book). I and some fellow employees watch in amazement as we imagine the hot pizza cheese sliding into a clump.)

Manager: “He’s going to be calling back…”

(About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings.)

Me: “[Pizza], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

Me: “Right away.”

Manager: “This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my pizza was clumped on one side of the box and the cheese had slide off the pizza. I’d like a new one!”

Making A Meal Out Of It, Part 2

| Pekin, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays

(I work in the deli section. The deli has special holiday dinners you order and take home. All customers are told their order is pre-cooked; they just need to warm it up. Lots of customers call and say that they were under the impression that their meal would be hot, but one customer took the cake on that…)

Me: Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you today?

Caller: “I ordered one of your holiday meals, and I am not happy with it.”

Me: “Can you explain what made you dissatisfied, Ma’am?”

Caller: “I thought it would be hot.”

Me: “No, Ma’am. All of the holiday meals are pre-cooked. You just have to heat them up.”

Caller: “No one told me this!”

Me: “Ma’am, did you place the order yourself?”

Caller: “Yes, but no one said anything about ME having to cook!”

Me: “Ma’am, whoever took your order should have made it clear that you don’t have to cook, just use the warmer setting on your oven, or use a microwave. If you received a copy of your order form, it also clearly states that you just heat and serve.”

Caller: “Fine. That is not such a big problem, but I paid $50 for this, and it’s not complete!”

Me: “What is missing from your order? We can locate it, and have it ready for you to pick up from [Store] within twenty minutes.”

Caller: “The dishes.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Caller: “The DISHES! You know the white china in the ad? Isn’t it included? I paid $50, and you lousy workers didn’t cook it for me, OR give me the CHINA I PAID FOR!”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t get dishes with the meal. Only the food.”

Caller: “Why charge me so much if you aren’t going to provide everything? Take it off the d*** ad, then! You are misleading the public!” *click*

Related:
From Not Always Friendly:
Making A Meal Out Of It

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