Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 3

| USA | Bizarre, Time

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “FINALLY! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to pick up the d*** phone?

Me: “Let me see… 36 seconds, sir.”

Caller: “Exactly! I can’t believe… Wait, what?”

Me: “You were on hold for exactly 36 seconds before I got to you.”

Caller: “…really? You can tell that?”

Me: “As soon as your call enters the queue it generates a note of the time you called in. Yours was logged at [time] which was just about 36… well, 46 seconds ago, now.”

Caller: “Well… it felt longer than that. D*** it now what am I supposed to do? This… this has never happened before!”

Me: “Did you have a tech related issue to report?”

Caller: “Uh, I think so… I can’t remember now! I… you’ve thrown my whole thought process off!”

(He hangs up. A little while later I pick up another call, and notice it’s the exact same number.)

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support].”

Caller: “Thank God! Do you know how long I’ve been on hold? Waiting for you to get off your damn a** and help me?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “According to the time stamp you had a wait of 26 seconds this time before I got to you. That’s a pretty good improvement over your previous call.”

Caller: “For the love of God! Look, your stupid intro recording says I might experience higher than average wait times! What am I supposed to do if you then immediately answer the phone?”

Me: “Be glad you didn’t have to wait for very long and enjoy getting your issue resolved promptly?”

(He grumbled all the way through the troubleshooting process, complaining about how we shouldn’t be so quick to answer calls or be able to track the amount of time a customer has been on hold.)

Related:
Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About, Part 2
Complaining To Have Nothing To Complain About

Returner Burner, Part 6

| MI, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I work at a women’s clothing store and we offer price adjustments if you bought something at a higher price than it is selling for now.)

Customer: “I’d like to get a price adjustment.”

Me: “Absolutely. Let me just take a look.” *I look at her receipt and it’s from eight days prior* “Oh, I’m afraid we can only do price adjustments up to seven days, and today is day eight.”

Customer: *scoffs loudly* “I called this morning and was told I could do it, no problem.”

Me: “Oh, uh, do you know who you spoke with?”

Customer: “[Name close to MOD’s Name], maybe?”

Me: “Was it [MOD’s name]?”

Customer: “She told me I could. If you won’t do it, then I’ll just return all of these and buy them back again.”

Me: “Well, if that’s what you’re going to do, I guess I might as well just ring it in; it’s nearly the same process.”

(I process the adjustment and she leaves. I grab the MOD and ask her if she spoke with the customer on the phone.)

MOD: “Yes, she’s lying. I told her that it was only up to seven days and that if she bought it on any type of promotion, we couldn’t process it. It’s okay that you processed it. Now you know.”

Me: “So she called in to check, found out she couldn’t, and came in anyway?”

MOD: “Yup.”

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 5
Returner Burner, Part 4
Returner Burner, Part 3

Making A Senior Mistake

| Orchard Park, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Non-Dialogue

I worked in a Mexican restaurant. We had a senior’s discount but policy states that we have to wait for them to ask for it. We weren’t supposed to just give it to them but sometimes I would just give it to obviously elder folks.

Once, after my standard greeting, I decide I will do so for a grey-haired man. But before he even places his order, he picks up my ‘take-a-penny, leave-a-penny cup’ with one hand, pours it into his palm, and puts all the change in his pocket. He even stares me in the eye the entire time as if to challenge me to do something about it.

To which I decide that he has taken his own senior discount. Too bad, because the one I would have given him would have saved him a lot more.

Not Very Sheepish

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Transportation

(I work in a train station for a very rural line. Trains are two hourly, which city visitors don’t always understand.)

Customer: “Hi! When’s the next train to [Major English Hub Station]?”

Me: “The next one’s at 16:56; about half an hour.”

Customer: “Really? Did I just miss one? Bummer.”

Me: “No sir, the last one was 14:55, approximately one hour and a half ago.”

Customer: “Very funny!”

Me: “Sir, I’m serious. This is a rural line. We have two hourly trains. Look!” *points to massive timetable poster next to where he is standing*

Customer: “Bloody h***! You just got sheep around here or what?”

Next Customer In Line: *an elderly local legend* “Yep, now baaaaaa-gger off if you’re not buying tickets! I’ve got a gammy knee and it’ll take me that half hour to walk around to the platform!”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Muggles Can’t See The Baconsaurus-Rex

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Language & Words

(I am the customer here. I have moved into a new apartment and am setting up the phone and Internet. It’s also exam period at the university where I work, so I have been up all night marking some truly abysmal papers. I am not operating well at all — which, of course, is the ideal time to deal with phone companies…)

Sales Rep: “…all right, we’re almost finished. I just need you to choose a username for this service.”

Me: *a little stressed* “Uh… I’m so bad at choosing these. And my brain is just not working… Hang on, give me a moment…”

Sales Rep: “Sure, take your time.”

(Sadly, my brain decides now is a good moment to catch up on lost sleep. The moment stretches on for what feels like several minutes, during which I come up with literally no ideas.)

Sales Rep: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Me: “Yeah, I am. Just, uh, having some trouble deciding.”

Sales Rep: “Most people just use theirname@[ISP].com, or some variation.”

Me: “Yes. That would be the sensible thing to do. For normal, sensible humans. OK, let’s go with [unusual nickname]@[ISP].com”

Sales Rep: “Would you be able to spell that, please?”

Me: “T, M -”

Sales Rep: “D, N?”

Me: “No, it’s ‘T’ for…Tyrannosaurus. ‘M’ for…Muggle. ‘B’ for …Bacon.”

(Suddenly, there is muffled giggling from the other end. It starts off quietly, but grows into an impressive crescendo.)

Sales Rep: *after having recovered somewhat* “Sorry about that. That’s just the best thing that’s happened all day. You have no idea how boring ‘Tango,’ ‘Mike,’ and ‘Bravo’ get. You get brownie points for that.”

Me: “Oooh! I think you mean ‘bacon points’!”

(Things went much better after that.)

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