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Take Ownership Of Your Crime

| MD, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I am a police officer, and have a woman pulled over on the side of the road for speeding, going almost 55 in a 30 school zone.)

Me: “You were speeding in a school zone so you will be getting a ticket; I need you to sign here, please.”

Woman: “Seriously? You can’t cut me a break?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t. I just need you to sign here…”

Woman: *growing more irate* “This is ridiculous! I shouldn’t have to pay this ticket! This isn’t even my car!”

Me: “So, if you got in an accident driving at such an excess speed, you’re not responsible because this isn’t your car even though you’re in control of the car.”

Woman: “Well…”

Me: “We’re right across the street from an elementary school. If you hit one of these kids walking down the street you couldn’t be charged with vehicular manslaughter because this isn’t your car?”

Woman: “…”

Me: “Sign here, please.”

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Has Been PINked

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I am ringing up some souvenirs for a visitor.)

Me: “All right, your total is [amount].”

(Customer hands me a card. I swipe it.)

Me: “Is this credit or debit?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: “If you could just enter your PIN on the pad here…”

(The customer looks at a tattoo of four numbers on his arm, and then enters his PIN.)

Me: “Umm… excuse me, sir, do you have your PIN tattooed on your arm?”

Customer: “Well, how else am I supposed to remember it?”

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Goes Against My Code

| RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I write code for very high end automation systems. This is a drawn out process that has me sitting on my laptop in a customer’s space for long periods of time.)

Customer: “So, did you go to school for this?”

Me: “Yes, I did, but it is very specialized training.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you must be very good with computers.”

Me: “I am, yes.”

(It’s at this point I know what is coming and it has happened on a few occasions.)

Customer: “My computer there is running very slow. I have fast Internet; do you know why it could be slow?”

Me: *looking at older laptop* “I’m not sure. It could be a virus, some malware, there are a bunch of things it could be.”

Customer: “Oh. Could you fix it?”

Me: “I could, yes, but it’s not within the scope of the job. I’m here to do this.”

Customer: *now frustrated* “Well, I figured while you were just sitting there you could push a button and fix my computer…”