While working for a government-owned liquor store (yay, monopoly!) in Sweden, I had a customer approach me.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?” 

Customer: “Hello, I am looking for a non-alcoholic red wine containing antioxidants.”

Me: “I’m sorry, a non-alcoholic red wine containing antioxidants? I don’t think I’ve heard of that particular combination before.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t ring any bells for me, either. Are you sure this is something we currently offer?”

Customer: “Look!” 

The customer shows me her phone.

Customer: “Here is an article describing this wine and how it’s available at [Store]!”

We go through our and other stores’ inventory and check the customer’s online article while finding zero matches.

Me: “Well, ma’am, since this article is from 2015, and it’s currently 2024, I will have to assume this particular wine is no longer available for sale, and unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

 Customer: “But how is it possible that it’s no longer for sale if I can find articles about this wine?”

 Me: “Ma’am, the article is out of date, and that’s why the product is no longer available.”

 Customer: “But I could find the article about the product, so I should still be able to buy it… This is terrible customer service!”

Cue mental breakdown.

I work at a chain retailer. Every few weeks, we get a call like this. 

Me: “Hello?”

Automated Message: “Hello. This is [Elementary School] reaching out regarding [Boy]. Your child was absent from school today. If you believe this was a mistake, please contact [Elementary School] at [phone number].”

I go around asking my coworkers — it’s always a skeleton crew, so it doesn’t take long — but no one has a child by that name, and no one knows of a coworker having a child by that name. After several of these calls, I write the number down and call the school back.

Secretary: “[Elementary School], this is [Secretary].”

Me: “Hi. I think there’s an error in your automated system. It keeps dialing [Store] to say that [Boy] isn’t in school.”

Secretary: “What’s the number?”

Me: “[Phone number].”

Secretary: “Yes, that’s the number we have for [Boy]’s mother, [Woman]. Is this his mother calling?”

Me: “No, I’m calling from [Store] at [phone number] to tell you that you have the wrong number in the system.”

Secretary: “No, that’s her home phone, sweetheart.”

Me: “No… it’s our business line. You can Google [Store] and see it.”

Secretary: “Well, that’s the only contact number we have for her.”

Me: “Why not ask [Boy] to verify the number? Or send a letter home or something?”

Secretary: “Ma’am. I do not have time for these games. If you do not have a child at this school, it really is none of your business.”

Me: “Except that you’re basically saying you don’t care to verify if his mom knows where he is.”

She hangs up on me.

I do a search on Facebook for the woman’s name. There are only two with that name in the area, and only one has an elementary-age boy in their profile picture, so I take a shot. 

Me: “Hi. I know this is random, but [Elementary School] keeps calling [Store] to say that [Boy] is absent from school. I just want to reach out and let you know they don’t have your number on file for your son. I spoke with the secretary, and she didn’t seem to care. Anyway, sorry for the intrusion.”

Woman: “I thought something was off. I haven’t had a call all year, and he’s been sick a lot. What’s the store number?”

Me: “[Phone number].”

Woman: “Oh, well, that would be it. My number is the same, but two digits are reversed. Thank you for telling me!”

The calls stopped, so I assume they got the number sorted out. I do hope someone talked to the secretary about her flippant attitude with regard to the children at that school.

I’m American Chinese. A customer comes over to me.

Customer: “Do you speak Asian?”

Me: “No one does.”

 Customer: “Oh… is it one of those dead languages? Like Latino?”

If I had a dollar for every time a customer pulled the “I’m never coming here again” card but showed up within a week, I could be retired already, and I’m not forty yet!

We have a particular customer who always threatens that, just so managers would cave to whatever whim she wants. I’m fed up with her demanding special treatment and being a disrespectful jerk (and it happening every single week), so:

Customer: “Look, either do this for me or I’m never coming here again! You will have no job or money.”

Me: “No, that’s not how it works, and you know that. You say this every week. So no, I will not do that for you, as you are not someone who deserves special treatment, but I will see you next week anyways. Have a nice day. May I help who’s next please?”

The customer behind her absolutely loved it.

Of course, that customer hated it, but she was back next week in my line again, as I said she would be. She did complain, but at that point, I had a great manager, who said:

Manager: “Don’t do that again.”

Me: “I treat all of our customers with respect, and deserve it back. If she can’t do that, I will assist someone who can, plain and simple. She always does this, every week, only because corporate lets her. I am not paid corporate rate, so I am done with her being a jerk to us and getting her way. We don’t do this for our good customers, I’m not doing it for her anymore.”

Never got written up…

Customer: “Excuse me, I can’t reach the cereal on the top shelf. Can you get it for me?”

Me: “Of course!”

I’m about to reach up and get the cereal when another customer a few feet from us has an accident. He’s in a wheelchair, and in my peripheral vision, it looks like he turns too sharply, hits the corner of a display, and knocks himself on the floor.

Me: *Immediately rushing over* “Sir! Sir, are you all right?”

Before the poor guy can answer, the customer I was helping starts shrieking in my direction.

Customer: “Excuuuuse me! You were helping me first!”

Me: “This customer fell and requires assistance!”

Customer: “What, so he gets special treatment because his legs don’t work?”

Disabled Customer: *Getting back into his chair with my assistance* “And you deserve special treatment because your arms are too short?” 

The customer looked shocked before stamping their foot (yes, seriously) and storming off. The disabled customer was fine (he’s only recently got a new lightweight wheelchair, and it was taking him some getting used to), and he thanked me for defending him. I told him that with a snapback like that, he did not need defending!