10 Stories About The Stupidest Tech Support Calls Ever

| Right | October 17, 2020

Dear readers,

Tech support can be a blessing to those of us who get easily confused with how fast technology is changing and modernizing. We understand that not everyone can understand the increasing complexity of the computers and software that we use, but we trust the tech support operative to know how to get us where we need to be.

And then there are those in the following roundup of ten tech support horror stories that will leave you scratching your head and feeling very sorry for the operative!

 

Perhaps He Would Prefer An Abacus – Maybe they should stick to counting on their fingers and toes.

It’s Going To Be A Long Day – Technically correct, but not technically competent.

Error 404: Brain Not Found – You have to actually, you know, read the words.

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When Eating Out Is Not Helping Out

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2020

Our dinner service begins at six pm, and as we are a popular local pub with limited capacity — especially since health-related restrictions — we have to take reservations and very rarely can entertain walk-ins.

A customer walks in about ten minutes before dinner service starts and the first reservations are due in. It’s worth mentioning that we are going to be jam-packed; we are fully-booked and have been for weeks because of a government scheme called eat-out-to-help-out that gives heavy discounts on food.

Customer: *Demanding* “Give me a table.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, we are fully booked.”

Customer: *Looks around blankly* “That table is empty. Can we have that one?”

Manager: *Calmly* “I can’t, sir; someone else has reserved it weeks ago. There is a reserved sign on it and the other tables, too.”

This goes on, with the man pointing out each and every table until he loses his cool.

Customer: *Loudly* “You’re all liars! You’re messing with me; out of all of the empty tables in the restaurant, you couldn’t even spare one?”

Manager: “We’re fully booked.”

He cranes his head over and down at the reservation book.

Customer: “Those two are sitting at a four-person table. My wife and I will join them.”

We had to explain that you can’t just invite yourself to sit at someone else’s table, especially during the rules on social distancing.

Eventually, the man got so frustrated and angry that he swiped his arm across the stand, sending the menus and the lamp crashing to the floor, before stomping out.

Later that day, we had a particularly creative TripAdvisor review from the man. It’s a shame we can’t get it removed, because he clearly had issues and was technically never a customer.

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It Was A Miracle They Remembered

, , , , , , | Right | October 17, 2020

In the early 1980s there was an iconic commercial for Miracle Whip sandwich spread where a guy knocks on the window of a closed grocery store with an empty jar of Miracle Whip begging to come in.

In 1984, I’m in college and a new grocery store has been built in our town. My roommate and I want to get groceries and thought the store was already open; it turns out the store does not open until tomorrow. On this particular day, we see there is obviously an all-staff meeting happening just inside the floor-to-ceiling front windows. My roommate and I seize this rare opportunity.

We return home and grab a jar of Miracle Whip from the refrigerator and head back. When we return, we see the entire staff standing circled around one individual who is speaking.

BANG! BANG! BANG! We knock on the window hard.

My friend holds up the empty jar of Miracle Whip as I pantomime begging. Ten seconds later, we run away.

A few years later, I’m done with college and get a job for the same grocery chain in a nearby city. After working there a few months, I share the story with my manager. He looks at me as if stunned and says, “You’re the Miracle Whip Guy!”

He tells me that he was there that day — as were managers from other nearby stores and representatives from the head office, all listening to an inspirational speech by the CEO of the company — when I banged on the window.

He said they all had a good laugh and thought it was a good, timely prank.

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That Card Contains Her Privates Information

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2020

I’m training a new coworker on register when a woman comes up and places her order, business as usual. I give the woman her total, and instead of reaching into a pocket or a purse, she digs into the front of her underwear, pulling them down to the point that both my coworker and I have a clear view of her private areas, and pulls out a card.

Our card reader faces the customer, so my coworker and I don’t have to touch it to process the transaction. We finish it in complete silence, and then we see a repeat performance as the woman clearly wedges the card back into place and then goes to wait for her order.

Trainee: “Uh…”

Me: “You see some weird stuff at this job. Just be glad she didn’t try to pay cash.”

My coworker was clearly horrified, so I quickly explained that we are allowed to refuse service in a case like that, and that I just meant that it was a pain trying to delicately explain to a customer that we couldn’t take their panty-money.

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I’ll Start Reading The Sign If You Start Reading My Face!

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2020

I work for a yard care service in my teens. We mow lawns, tend to bushes, and just do general yard work. I am sent out to a new client. When I get to the street, I find a row of houses without any visible house numbers, so I’m trying to figure out which of them is the actual address where I’m supposed to be working.

I go up and knock on the door of the house I think it is and a man answers. He barely glances at me and points toward a “No Trespassing” sign.

Man: “No soliciting!”

He then slams the door in my face. I’m a bit startled, but I move on to the next-door neighbors, who end up confirming that the original house was the one I was looking for.

Cell phones aren’t that common at this point, and I don’t have one, so I can’t just call back to ask my boss what to do. I decide to make another attempt. I have a push mower, which I haul up and place in front of the door before knocking. The same man answers and opens his mouth as if he is about to shout, and then he notices the lawnmower.

Me: “Hi! I’m with [Company]. I heard you wanted to have your lawn mowed?”

Man: “Oh. Uh, yeah.”

After that, I am able to get the details about what he wants done and things proceed smoothly.

Two weeks later, I’m back for the next service, and as I’m getting set up, I notice a set of keys laying on his driveway. I pick them up and head up to the door to turn them over. Once again, I knock and he answers, and once again, he barely glances at me and points toward the sign.

Man: “No soliciting!”

It is a practically identical repeat of our first interaction, complete with him slamming the door in my face. I’m standing there, kind of bemused and about to knock again, when the door suddenly cracks open.

Man: *Sheepish whisper* “You’re the grass cutter, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yep! I just saw these keys in your driveway and wanted to hand them over.”

His eyes got wide when he saw them and he quickly took them. From that point on, he never again slammed the door in my face when something would require me to knock on it.

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