icon_boardingschool

Has A Rock Solid Murder Plan

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, School

(I work as a swim teacher at my local swimming pool. My first lesson on a Saturday morning is two brothers, about three and four years old.)

Me: “Now, you want to move your arms like this, to pull the water!” *demonstrates*

Four-Year Old: *excitedly* “If I killed my brother with a rock in a river, the rock would be too heavy and drag me under, too!”

Me: “Okay… let’s work on some kicks.”

(Apart from this incident and occasionally hugging each other like koala bears, those two were great students!)

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Needs To Change Your Change Tactics

| Cheshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m volunteering at a charity shop. Most of our customers are elderly or middle-aged. On this particular day I’m helping another volunteer put a picture up when a man in his early twenties comes in. He looks around for just a minute or so and grabs a card from the stand at the front of the shop.)

Man: “Just this card, please.”

Me: “Of course. Do you want a bag to put it in?”

Man: “Whatever.”

Me: “Just £1.00 then please.”

(The man takes a note out of his pocket. I take it and start to sort out the change and pass it over to the man.)

Man: “Wait a minute, love. I’ve got some right change here if it’ll help you out. If I give you some coins back can you give me a note?”

Me: *feeling a little confused* “Erm, okay. That won’t be a problem.” *I count the change; I realise he’s left me short* “Sorry, I need another £1 coin.”

Man: “Really? Okay. Tell you what. I’ll give you some coins to make that right. You just give me my money back and we’ll be even, right?”

Me: “Okay.”

(I feel uneasy but give him the money, and he starts to rifle through the notes he has again.)

Man: “Actually can you change this for me instead?”

(He’s leaning over the counter, is quite intimidating, and I am starting to realise something isn’t quite right.)

Man: “I just want my change!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve given you the money you need.” *I close the till*

Man: “But you still owe me change!”

Me: “I can call my manager down to deal with your request if you like?”

(I called upstairs to the manager and told her to double-check the change I had given the man. She came down to confront him and he looked shifty and decided to just leave, despite me “owing him change.” I told the manager everything that happened and she checked the till – he had somehow taken £10 from us, and had tried to take more. We reported him to the police and found out he had tried this on in a few other shops, including a well-known supermarket where he’d threatened the cashier. I later found out that this was a short-change scam or change-raising scam, where the scam artist confuses the cashier to get their money back plus extra. I printed out a warning and left it in the staff room. A few months later another man came in and tried the exact same thing. I said no, closed the till, they caught him on camera leaving the shop, and he was taken in by the police.)

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Pun-gent Peanut Butter

DC, USA | Food & Drink, Puns

(I work in a grocery store and we offer freshly ground peanut butter. It sells very well so I usually end up making it every day. A customer stops to watch.)

Customer: “Literally the daily grind, huh?”

Me: “Yup! I make it every day!”

(An elderly customer behind me overhears us.)

Customer #2: “Well, that’s just nuts!”

(We all laughed and it completely made my day.)

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One Of Them Is Not Very Personable

, | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Caller: “Hi, can I get a maxi taxi?”

Me: “Sure. Is that for a wheelchair or group of people?”

Caller: “There are four people travelling. Two adults and three children.”

Me: “…”

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No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk

| Fort Pierce, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m standing in line to get a few essentials at a chain drug store that I frequently shop at. On this day, there is a new cashier. This exchange happens with the customer in front of me.)

Customer: “I’m returning this! Your f****** store sold me bad milk! I want my money back, NOW!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry about that ma’am… Um, can you hold for just a second so I can get my manager? I’m still new and don’t—”

Customer: “I don’t give a s*** and I am NOT waiting any longer! Give me my money NOW!”

(By this time the manager has come up, no doubt drawn by this woman’s shrieking.)

Manager: “What seems to be the—”

Customer: “Your d*** idiot cashier won’t do my refund! You gave me bad milk and I want my money back!”

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. She’s new and doesn’t know how to do a refund yet. But if you show me your receipt, I’d be happy to help.”

Customer: “I don’t have my f****** receipt! You sold me bad milk!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I need to be able to look up the purchase. Do you have a loyalty card you used? Or if you used a credit card I can look it up—”

Customer: “H***, no, I don’t have your d*** card! I paid cash, so give me my cash!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but that isn’t—”

Customer: “You’re all just trying to f****** rip me off! You sold me bad milk; my kids could have gotten sick! I never get good service!”

(She continues to scream at them both while demanding her refund. I’ve finally had enough.)

Me: “Hey! IDIOT! If you would shut the f*** up for two seconds, you would probably have been able to get a store credit at the least, but you stood here and shouted at these two girls for doing their job!”

Customer: “Shut up, you stupid b****! It’s not your concern!”

Me: “It is when you are holding me up! You’re being unreasonably rude. And before you claim they sold you ‘bad milk’ read your d*** expiration date!”

(The milk’s label said the sell by date was in fact today.)

Me: “Yeah, so, no, they didn’t. You bought milk and it went bad. Stop abusing them and get the h*** out of here, or I will dump that ENTIRE gallon on your head!”

(The customer stammers and huffs before bolting out of there, leaving the spoiled milk.)

Manager: “[Cashier], let me introduce you to [My Name]; she’s a regular here.”

Me: “You did fine, sweetie. Can I get two packages of [Nicotine Lozenges] and this pizza, please?”

(I work retail, too, and I can’t defend myself at my store. But I do love telling people off other places.)

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