Scaring Them Straight Out

| WV, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I work at a rather well-known small retail store. I am very open about my sexuality and don’t tend to let other people’s opinions affect me. I am on register; it being a rather slow day I only have one customer in line.)

Customer: “That’s just sick, isn’t it?”

(She is motioning to a newspaper showing a homosexual couple that was the first to marry in our town.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Letting gays just marry and act normal… It’s sick that this is what society as fallen to.”

(At this point I am annoyed but decide to just ignore the comment and continue to ring up her items.)

Customer: “IT’S SICK, ISN’T IT?!”

(She is now yelling her eyes wide as she just stares at me.)

Me: “No, I disagree with you and so would my girlfriend.”

(The customer looks at me shocked before turning to my manager who is near by listening to everything.)

Customer: “Sir, can you ring me out? I don’t want this devil-worshiper touching anymore of my items.”

(I am now about in tears as I just stand there amazed by her ignorance.)

Manager: “No… I’m busy, but let me see if my boyfriend is free.”

(He started looking around before calling some random guy’s name into our otherwise empty store. The customer left without her things, mumbling stuff about Hell. My manager is a straight married man with kids… The world needs more people like him!)

An Expiration Date Worth One’s Salt

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer comes up to me with a can of table salt.)

Customer: “There’s no expiration date on this.”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “But how will I know when it goes bad?”

Me: “Um, it’s salt. It doesn’t go bad.”

Customer: “Nonsense! All food goes bad!”

Me: “Sir, salt does not go bad. It’s a mineral.”

Customer: “It’s food! It goes bad!”

Me: “Sir, it’s a rock. Rocks do not go bad.”

Customer: “But it’s food!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “So when is the expiration date?”

(I give up and take the can from him, pretending to look for an expiration date.)

Me: “Ah, here it is.”

(I point to the UPC code.)

Me: “That’s the expiration date. As you can see, you’ve got a good twenty million years or so before that happens, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(He walked off with his can of salt, muttering about how it was going to go bad before he could use it.)

Thank You For Not Coming Again

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt place and every now or so an annoying customer comes in. From the beginning I could tell this lady was going to be a pain but I tried to be as friendly as possible even when she handed me her spit coated sample cups because she was too lazy to throw them away.)

Me: “All right! Have a great evening.”

Customer: “They don’t train you to say ‘thank you’ here?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You should be thanking me for my purchase or is that too difficult for you to manage? I demand you thank me!”

Me: “I can manage it but you underestimate how apathetic I am toward people who need hollow gratitude for buying something they already wanted.”

(She threatened to never come to our store again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the other location she swore to solely patronize was owned by the same person.)

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4

| CT, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(A woman approaches my counter one evening, clearly unwashed and very angry.)

Customer: “Yeah, how much is a large coffee?”

Me: “$2.25.”

Customer: “And a small?”

Me: “$1.75”

Customer: “Okay, well, I have one of those coupons for a free one.”

Me: “Is it the customer redemption or the buy-six-get-the-seventh?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Is it the long red one that says ‘sorry,’ or was it part of your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh, the receipt kind.”

(I fill her order for a large coffee as a line starts to form.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be $2.25.”

Customer: “I thought it was free. I can’t afford that.”

Me: “It’s free with your coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t have it on me.”

Me: “Then I can’t redeem it. I have to have a coupon to put in my register. If it’s not there when they count it, I’ll be short and I could lose my job.”

Customer: *very irate* “I’m [Coworker]’s friend. I know [Coworker’s Other Friend]. I come here all the time. Just give me my drink.”

(I assume my coworker has done this for her in the past, but I’m not about to put my job on the line for anyone, especially a stranger.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I have to have it in my register. I can’t redeem a coupon unless it’s physically here. Without it, the store will think I’m stealing.”

(She huffs off, and I work through the line, thinking it’s over. I’m midway through, taking another order, when she comes back. She shouts from the far end of the counter, rudely interrupting another customer.)

Customer: “How much for a shot of espresso?”

Me: “$1.75, same as a small coffee.”

(Again, she leaves, and once again I think it’s over. There’s a lull after the line, and she’s back, again, angrier than ever.)

Customer: “Give me two shots.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $2.10.”

Customer: “You said $1.75!”

Me: “That’s for one shot, not two.”

Customer: “Can’t you just give it to me? This is a bunch of bull-s***.”

Me: “I could get fired for that. I’m not losing my job over a shot of espresso. Now, would you like one shot, or two?”

Customer: “Just give me two.”

(She then throws a huge handful of coins onto my counter and storms off to the other end of the bar. I go to cash her out, and she’s short, by about fifty cents. I quietly take the rest out of my tip cup because I just want her gone.)

Customer: “I’m telling [Coworker] how f****** rude you are. I don’t see why you couldn’t just give me my f****** coffee. I lost the d*** coupon. I had to dig around in my car for the f****** change.”

Me: “If $1.75 is outside of your budget, maybe you shouldn’t shop here.”

(I asked my coworker about her the next time I saw him. Apparently, he knew her, but hadn’t talked to her in years; since she was in prison.)

Coworker: “’I come here all the time,’ my a**!”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

Caught In The Techno-babble Web

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Every Wednesday my company hosts a career advancement webinar. I make courtesy calls to remind people that it’s going to start soon and see if they need anything. The invitation they need to access the chat room has already been sent out for this day.)

Me: “Good morning. I’m [My Name] from [Company]. This is a courtesy call to see if you got the invitation to the webinar today and—”

Client: *interrupting* “—a what?! What’s a webinar?”

Me: “It’s the web-based seminar you signed up for.”

Client: “The web? What’s a web?”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s a term for the Internet.”

Client: “Well, you people never sent me the address to the webinar so I’m not going. I know everything there is to know about IT and I don’t need you to teach me anything.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you change your mind, you have my number and we meet almost every Wednesday.”

Client: “I’m not going to because your company is obviously useless. You’re making up stupid words to confuse me into looking into your services. Good day, madam!” *hangs up*

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