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To Be Fair, They’re Very Different Kinds Of Needles

, , , , | Healthy | September 23, 2021

In the early 2000s, while waiting for my doctor’s appointment, I witnessed this incident.

Another patient, a woman in her twenties, came out from the back exam area with a nurse. The patient was wearing a common and trendy outfit of low-rise sweatpants and a crop tank top.

The nurse handed the patient her paperwork.

Nurse: “You need to make a follow-up appointment for [number] weeks. The receptionist can help you if you want to do it now.”

As she grabbed her paperwork, the patient responded:

Patient: “Ugh! Do I have to? I hate needles.”

The patient then walked quickly out of the office. As she did so, I could see that among the small collection of tattoos she had was a trendy one on her tailbone. The nurse looked bemused but unsurprised and returned to the back. I managed to mind my manners and not laugh or giggle.

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A Broad View Of Fraud, Part 2

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2021

A customer has thrown a fit at the manager over us not having carts, even though we do. The poor manager then has the JOY of “humiliating her” and “making her look stupid” by pointing them out three steps BEHIND HER.

She then argues, at a volume that would impress a boot camp instructor, with a coworker that the sale on cardigans should apply to sweaters because they are “the same thing”.

Soon, the woman approaches my register and I just know this interaction will be a downhill run.

She strides directly past the line, approaching from the wrong end of the register. I’m sure you can imagine how outraged she is that she can’t just cut in front of the other people in line. She wastes five minutes arguing with me that since she’s “already there,” she “doesn’t want to have to pick up her items and go to the back of the line.”

The manager has to intervene and tell her to get to the end of the line or to get out without her purchases. Ranting about how the rules of lines aren’t laws, how she knows her rights, and how employees are NOT allowed to refuse service to anyone, ever, forever, throughout the universe, she storms to the end. She knows her rights! She knows the laws! Blah, blah, blah.

She gripes so constantly that I do my best to ring the other guests up quickly so they don’t have to listen to her constant moaning for longer than they have to.

Eventually, she gets up to me and I scan her few items. No big deal. Then, she shoves her credit card at me. I follow policy.

Me: “May I see your ID?”

She rolls her eyes and says, in the most inconvenienced way:

Customer: “Well, it’s my son’s card.”

The credit card and ID are nowhere close to matching.

Me: “I can’t use a card that doesn’t have your name on it.”

Customer: “I use his card all the time! SINCE WHEN CAN YOU NOT USE SOMEONE ELSE’S CARD?! THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! YOU’RE A F****** A**HOLE! YOU’RE MAKING THAT UP!”

Me: “I can’t run it. You have to pay a different way.”

She throws some cash onto the counter and is quiet while I finish the transaction.

Customer: “Where’s my coupon?!”

Me: “We handed them out last week. We don’t have any more. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager!”

AGAIN? That poor man! The manager arrives, and I can see the light die in his eyes as he sees who he has to talk to.

Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Your employee refused to give me a coupon! She just played stupid and tried to tell me that you didn’t have anymore!”

Manager: “Ma’am, they were all handed out last week. My employee wasn’t playing games; we really don’t have any more to hand out right now.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***, but fine, play your petty little games. I’ll just add that to my call to corporate. Now, another thing; why won’t you people let me use my son’s credit card?! Since when is that a rule?! What the f*** are you people trying to pull?”

The manager just stares at her for a minute.

Manager: “That has always been a rule, ma’am, as that’s unlawful.”

Customer: “Oh, reeeeeeaaaallly?! Fine, then. Tell me what kind of crime it is!”

Manager: “Felony Card Fraud.”

Customer: “You’re a f****** liar.”

Manager: *Sweetly* “Would you like me to call the police and have them explain it to you?”

Customer: “You know what? Yes! Then, I can explain to them why they’re wrong because it’s never been a problem until now!”

I was amazed when she DID tell the cops that they were lying about the law being the law. She waived her right to be silent. She also made it very loudly clear that she would be suing the cops for wrongful prosecution as they cuffed her because Felony Card Fraud wasn’t a thing. And it was her son’s card, so she was within her rights to use it as his mother because it was a mother’s prerogative. And their names were different because her son legally changed his last name, as if cutting her and her husband out of his life somehow severed her right as his biological mother to take out a card in his name. They were connected by blood, and no law could override that!

The cops repeatedly reminded her that she had the right to remain silent and she repeatedly ignored them. She had no subtlety, saw nothing wrong with it, and just kept admitting her crimes at full volume. Because they weren’t crimes. Because she knew the law and knew her rights better than the cops themselves did. And she would personally tell the judge what the REAL laws were.

I was just amazed, listening to this woman dig herself a hole like a cartoon character going after gold.

The local cops wear cameras, so I didn’t need to be a witness, but I highly suspect that the book the judge threw at her had a LOT of pages in it.

Related:
A Broad View Of Fraud

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A Sense Of Humor Is Key To A Happy Marriage

, , , | Romantic | September 22, 2021

It’s late in the evening and I want to go outside to catch a digital pocket monster on my phone. My wife is quite the anxious type, who always triple-checks locks before heading to bed. It’s raining quite heavily. 

Wife: “Great, I just locked everything!”

Me: *With quite some sass* “That’s the great thing about locks: they can open and close again!”

I go outside and catch my monster. I come back and… the door is locked. I dig up my keys and unlock the door.

Me: “Why did you lock the door?!”

Wife: “Locks are a funny thing, you know? They can open and they can close again!”

I deserved that one.

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I Don’t Work Here… But Maybe…

, , , | Right | September 21, 2021

A long time ago, I used to work in an educational toy store in my local mall. After it closed down, I had to find new places to shop for the kids in my life.

I had gotten a nephew of mine started on a scale wood “Thomas The Train” toy line. Someone I knew told me a bookstore chain had started carrying the line, so I decided to swing by to see what new pieces had come out for the holidays.

I started looking and overheard two women talking about whether they should get their kids started because both kids loved “Thomas The Train”. Before I could stop myself, I introduced myself, and when I mentioned the store I had worked at, they both lit up, suddenly remembering that they had seen me there.

They started asking questions and I gave them advice. About the time they were done, more people started asking me questions. Before I knew it, I had been standing in about the same spot for more than an hour just selling the heck out of these trains.

When the crowd finally dispersed, I made sure I had the two pieces I wanted and started to head to the register, only to find the department manager, and the store manager standing there, along with the girl actually working the kids’ section, staring at me.

Realizing the spectacle I had unintentionally created, I walked over expecting to apologize, only to have the store manager start talking before me.

Store Manager: “Do you realize how much of that stuff you sold?”

Me: “So, that guy did buy the [train set]?”

This was their biggest set at the time and it cost $500.

Store Manager: “Actually, yes, he did, but I’m talking about more than that. You have sold more Thomas The Train items than we have ever sold.”

Me: “Well, you haven’t carried the line that long. Once your people learn more about it, I’m sure you’ll have better numbers.”

Store Manager: “Do you want a job as assistant manager in this department?”

Department Manager: “More than half those people thought you already worked here. They wanted you to get a raise.”

Employee: “I don’t understand how you knew all that. I could barely follow half of it.”

Me: “Thanks! How much would it pay?”

I turned down the job because it was offering less money than my job at the time. I ended up being given the employee discount on the two pieces I wanted as a thank-you. For about two years, every time I went into that store, I would see one of the managers from that day and they would ask me if I needed any more train items.

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Missed That Opportunity By A Hair(cut)

, , , , , , , | Working | September 22, 2021

I am trying to find regular work after being laid off due to the health crisis. I have a seasonal job through the holidays, but that is only about six weeks of work. Once my contract ends, I decide to use a little bit of the money I made to buy hair dye and dye my hair red; I want it a bit darker but it ends up about the color of Princess Ariel’s hair, but shoulder-length.

After going through FOUR phone interviews spread out over two months, I finally get an in-person interview. I meet the interviewer, she gets me a visitor badge, and we head to her office. After some small talk about traffic and the weather, we sit down in her office. As soon as I sit down, she starts with:

Interviewer: “So, your hair is a problem. It needs to be a natural color.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought that might be the case, but it’s no problem. I can cut it down to my roots. I’ve had short hair before so I know I like it.”

Interviewer: “Oh, I’d feel bad if we made you cut it. You can also dye over it.”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t really dye over this, but it’s okay; I’ve had short hair before.”

We talk for a few minutes about my work experience and such, and she brings it up again.

Interviewer: “I feel bad for making you cut your hair if you get the job, but it’s the policy for no unnatural colors. I feel bad that you can’t dye over it.”

Me: “It’s really okay. I’ve had short hair before. I can even show you a picture if you want.”

Interviewer: “No, that’s not necessary. I just feel bad you have to cut it.”

I reassured her AGAIN that it was fine. We talked about me some more and she brought it up a THIRD TIME. This time, I actually unlocked my phone and started looking through my pictures, but she stopped me and said it was fine, but she just felt so bad I had to cut it. We took a tour of the facilities and she brought it up a FORTH TIME. I didn’t know what else to say at this point, so I just sympathized with her for feeling bad for making me cut my hair. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

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