(Like any other cashier, sometimes I’ll add a cent or two to the amount a customer gives me to save time when making change. This takes place during a typical, if not a bit slow, shift. The amounts have been changed, but show the basic idea of what happened.)

Me: “Your total is $50.01.”

([Customer #1] hands me a fifty dollar bill and a one dollar bill. I hand back the one and put $50.01 in the machine.)

Customer #1: “Haha, thanks. Sorry about not having the penny.”

Me: “It’s no problem. I’m not too concerned about missing one cent. I’ll probably find one during my shift today, anyway.”

(I hand them their receipt and items and give the usual retail goodbyes. [Customer #2] comes up to the till, we exchange pleasantries, and all seems well for a while.)

Me: “Your total is $75.50.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I only have $70.”

Me: “Then I’ll need to void something off, unless you have multiple ways of paying?”

Customer #2: “Oh, no, no, no. I need all these things. But I only have $70.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But I need the full amount or I’ll have to void something off.”

Customer #2: “Can I just give you $70 and pay the $5.50 later?”

Me: *my typical happy retail worker face pulls back into a slightly irked look* “Um, no, sir. I am not allowed to do that.”

Customer #2: “You did it for that guy in front of me!”

Me: “He wasn’t short. I just decided to cover the one cent instead of making him 99 cents in change.”

Customer #2: “So do the same for me!”

Me: “Certainly! That’ll be $75.49, then.”

Customer: “No, no, no! For the $5.50.”

Me: “A penny is not a problem. I am not going to let my till be $5.50 off.”

Customer #2: “The other cashiers would do it!”

Me: “If they want a write-up and to be fired for the till being that far off, that is their choice.”

(He argues with me for a while, yelling and beginning to curse while I keep politely saying no. I have already signaled for my manager to come over who, inevitably, takes my side.)

Manager: “If her till is off at the end of her shift, it is her fault. She is allowed to choose who she compensates change for.”

Customer #2: “Then give me a discount so I can afford my things!”

Manager: “No. Even if you had been polite, there is nothing wrong with the merchandise, and you will be charged full-price.”

Customer #2: “Then I’ll break something. You’ll discount it then, right?”

Manager: “Probably not. I’d call security for you tampering with merchandise.”

Customer #2: *yells angrily*

Me: “Sir, I can still void something off so you can afford most of these things.”

Customer #2: “No! F*** you, and f*** this s***ty store!”

Me: “Then this arguing is a waste of my time, sir.” *I look to my manager* “Can you abort or suspend this order? I have other customers to tend to.”

(My manager did just that despite the man’s protests, and lead him to the service desk while I helped other customers. I was told, after my shift, that he refused to pay the $5.50 and tried to convince the manager to take it out of my paycheck. When my manager said no, he threw something at her, called me a “stupid f***ing millennial,” called her an “incompetent b****,” and then was quickly dealt with by security and banned.)

(I am working in the fitting room. I have just finished helping out a customer. She was obnoxious with me in another part of the clothing department over the quality of our activewear line. She and her daughter have finally come out of the fitting room.)

Me: *bracing myself while still keeping my happy, helpful spirit* “Did everything work out, ladies?”

Customer: *fake smiles as she sets a small pile of yoga pants down on the counter* “Not really.” *leans on the counter and reads off my nametag* “Oh, [My Name], could you put these on hold for me, please? You know how to put something on hold, right?”

(Her daughter is quickly embarrassed. Meanwhile, I am offended by this, considering she is not only insulting my capabilities, but she is also talking to me in a baby tone of voice. I’m assuming it is because I look like a teenager, so I just let it slide for the time being.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can take care of that for you. Can I get your name, please?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer]. Oh, could you do me a favor, [My Name]? Could you please write the word ‘important’ next to that and underline it a few times, so everyone will know not to put it back on the floor until I come to pick it up tomorrow?”

Me: *looks at her oddly* “Um, yeah, sure thing.”

Customer: “Well, it’s just that I have trouble at your other stores when I put things on hold. So, again, just put it down that I’m an important customer at your store, if that’s not asking too much.”

Me: *laughs awkwardly* “Nope. Not at all.”

(I did happen to inform her that my store will only hold items until the store closes. In some cases, we will hold something for 24 hours, but otherwise, I can only hold her stuff until we closed.)

Customer: “Well, I’m not going to leave and come back. I can’t buy these today, so you’ll just have to hold them until tomorrow. I can always talk to your supervisor if there is a problem.” *smirks at me*

Me: *faking a smile at this point* “No need. I’ll just go ahead and extend it until eight pm tomorrow. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Actually, there is. What’s your name again, sweetie?” *proceeds to read my nametag for fifth time* “Oh, [My Name], if you are here tomorrow, can you make sure that my hold stays back here and doesn’t get put back? It has to stay back here until I pick up my daughter after school. If it’s put back when I come in, I’m going to have to tell your manager that you put it away, so don’t put it away, okay?”

Me: *eye twitches* “Sure thing. It’ll be back here waiting for you. No problem.”

Customer: *smirks at her daughter, then at me* “All right, thanks, [My Name]. I’ll be looking for you tomorrow. You’ll be back here, right?”

Me: *teeth clenching* “It’s a possibility.”

Customer: *turns to leave finally* “Okay, sweetie. I’ll keep an eye out!”

Me: *takes a deep, calming breath to keep from screaming*

(Her hold was back in the fitting room for an additional day after fighting with me to extend it once more. The day after, my coworker put it back after I left a note at the fitting room with a warning about the crazy lady customer. She showed up moments after and was way more rude to him than she was to me. At least I warned him ahead of time about what he would be expecting.)

(In early 2012, I’m selling my PT Cruiser as part of getting ready to take a job in Japan. I have had a woman test the car and am getting ready to turn it over to her, but her husband decides to do one last check.)

Husband: “Well, you have an oil leak, so I can’t take it for the asking price. I will pay you [less than half what I am asking].”

Me: *knowing that my car consumes barely any oil at all, much less enough to account for a leak* “Where’s this leak?”

Husband: “Right there, see? And there.” *points out a couple of wet spots on the parking lot under my car*

Me: *now uncertain* “Well, my garage never mentioned an oil leak; let me have it checked out again and I’ll get back to you.”

Husband: “They’re just going to say what you want to hear. Take my offer or leave it.”

Me: “Okay, bye.”

(He gives a surprised expression and I leave. I am living with my parents in the lead-up to leaving and my father has this to say.)

Father: “I know for a fact you don’t have a leak. If you did, we’d have oil stains in the driveway.”

(I eventually sold it to a national used car chain for slightly less than my asking, because the only thing wrong with it was cosmetic damage. It was in better shape than most Cruisers its age.)

(I work in a small specialty mall store, and my manager is awesome. Cell phones aren’t a thing yet, so we are very eager to help anyone and otherwise find ways to amuse ourselves. One day, a super-important-type comes in looking for a blacklight for his kid. The guy is an a**hole the entire half-hour I deal with him, and then I get to ring him up for his purchase.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount].” *extends hand for payment*

Customer: *throws a couple bills at me, deliberately under my outstretched hand, not saying anything*

Me: *digging for change; looks over at manager*

Manager: *nods in the affirmative*

Me: *throws change at rude guy* “Here’s your bag! Have a great day, and thanks for shopping with us!”

Manager: *laughing, walks to the back*

(I work in an office where we regulate and assist realtors in business, and they pay us for their memberships to different services. The billing cycle has been the same for at least fifteen years. They are given ten days to pay, beyond which point their membership becomes suspended for a month, then finally terminated. Throughout this process we fairly spam them with notices and alerts to make sure they know what is happening. Still, my day is filled with this type of call. This particular customer calls me after we’ve sent out the seventh and final notice.)

Me: “Thank you for calling.” *I do my standard greeting on the phone*

Customer: “Yeah, my account isn’t working.”

Me: *knowing full well why* “Okay, let me go ahead and look up your account.”

(I look him up and see he indeed owes two sets of payments, and has now been charged late fees after the two-week grace period.)

Me: “Okay, sir, it seems that your memberships were due, and as they have not yet been paid, your account was suspended.”

Customer: “No, you all said I had until the end of the month to pay.”

Me: “Well, yes, at the end of the month we have to terminate you, so you have until the end of the month before you lose your membership. However, as it says on your invoices, you have until the 10th to pay before late fees are assigned and your account is suspended. It is now the 21st.”

Customer: “Yeah, I saw that, but you didn’t tell me you would turn off my f***ing account so I can’t use it!”

Me: *unsure what to say to that* “I’m sorry; we thought saying, ‘Your account will be suspended,’ would convey that.”

Customer: “You need to change your invoice. The word ‘suspended’ doesn’t make any sense! And I can’t believe you are making me pay a late fee! I’ve been a realtor for 25 years with you, and this s*** is f****** ridiculous”

Me: *at this point his belligerence has made me cut to the chase* “We gave you a month and half to pay, emailed you seven times, put it on our social media pages, our website, and added a pop up to the system that made you scroll down and click, ‘I understand,’ before it would go away. The due date hasn’t changed for at least 15 years, and you’ve been paying on the same date, so I’m not sure why this time you would have forgotten when they were due.”

Customer: *long pause* “F****** can’t believe this!” *hangs up on me*

(Sometimes I’m frightened at the thought that these people are handling such huge, life-changing transactions for people!)