I work as a healthcare assistant at a hospital, so I make beds, help patients get to where they need to be, keep them company, and serve food. I also fix small things needed for the day, for example, coffee and things for conferences. 

We had a professor from the US coming to hold a few lectures. I went to him as he was talking to our senior doctor to offer coffee, as a polite thing to do. I am, by the way, born in Ethiopia and look the part, but speak Swedish and English as well as any native-born Swede.

Me: “Would you like some coffee?”

Professor: “Yeah, with one half’n’half and two sugars.”

Me: “A “half’n’half”? What’s…?”

Professor: *Interrupts.* “Yes, one half’n’half. In the coffee, I don’t want to pour it myself.”

Me: “I…” *Glances at the doctor for support.*

Doctor: “We don’t have that, I think. I have never heard of it.”

Professor: “Well, it’s her job to go get one anyway. Coffee, half’n’half, two sugars.”

Me: “I truly don’t know what that is. Is it, like, milk?”

My obvious confusion is met with him just repeating himself:

Professor: “It’s half’n’half. Half’n’half! You know, half’n’half!”

Me: *Fed up.* “I think you should get your own coffee. I don’t want to make any mistakes; you get what you want.”

Professor: “Stop being lazy and do your job!”

Doctor: “Actually, she is our healthcare assistant. She was trying to be polite. Getting you coffee is not her actual job.”

Professor: “Whatever. Just get me a you-colored coffee with two sugars. No milk. Just coffee and sugar.”

I decided to go along just to get away, when the doctor pointed something out:

Doctor: “[Professor], Swedish coffee is a bit different; it’s stronger than American. You might want to have it with milk if that is how you have it usually. Maybe pour in milk to taste yourself.”

Professor: “Your coffee can’t be stronger than anything American. Go get coffee now!”

I got him his mug of coffee with a smile, knowing where this might end. He took a BIG gulp and immediately dropped his mug all over the carpet and himself. He grew red, his eyes bulged, and he threw a coughing fit. The doctor and I had to help him sit down so he could recuperate a bit from our coffee.

The Professor didn’t look me in the eyes for the rest of his two-day visit, and he avoided me as much as he could. The doctor told me the professor never let anyone else give him coffee for the rest of his time in Sweden.

A couple is picking out some items at the deli.

Customer: “Can I get the chorizo?”

Me: “Spanish or Mexican?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Spanish is cooked and ready to go. Mexican is raw and requires cooking before eating.”

Customer: “Oh! Give it to me raw!”

Me: *Blinks.* “…Sure.”

Customer’s Wife: “Calm down, Gollum.”

A woman and her teen son walk into the pet store.

Customer: “I want some ‘Around the Sun’ dog food.”

Me: “I haven’t heard of that brand.”

Customer: “What?! I get it here all the time! Get someone for me who knows what they’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not only the manager on duty, but the truck lead. I know what we have because I stock it twice a week when the truck comes. I literally have one other person here right now, the cashier. My pet care associate is at lunch. If I can’t help you, no one here can.”

I know Canidae has a line of food called ‘Under the Sun’ and wonder out loud if that’s what she’s talking about. I do this whilst walking her towards that aisle.

Customer: “No, it’s not Canidae, it’s [Other Brand]!”

We get to Canidae and suddenly:

Customer: “Oh, there it is!”

She points to the Canidae ‘Under the Sun’ line I had been talking about. 

Her teen son points to the obvious Canidae signs all over the aisle while she continues on about her “Around the Sun” brand. He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders, obviously used to such behavior from his mom.

I’m a host at a fine dining restaurant.

Coworker: “Have you seen the request in the notes for the latest reservation?”

Me: “No?”

She shows me the screen, and the special request reads:

Request: “Please make sure our table only gets attractive female servers since it’s my buddy’s bachelor weekend getaway, and we want to have some fun.”

I decided this required a callback. I get the number from the reservation, and I say, without interruption, after announcing who I am and where I am calling from:

Me: “…Therefore, we are declining your reservation because this is a restaurant and you’re obviously looking for an escort service. Good luck planning your weekend getaway.” *Click.*

This story reminds me of my own. 

I’m a valet at a large restaurant and entertainment complex. A guy pulls up in a run-down car. I don’t want to state the make and model in case it makes me sound elitist; I’m not, but the usual cars we get at this place are easily worth twenty times more than this old, beaten-up thing.

I normally wouldn’t notice or care about such details, but I remember this car because of how he interacted with our manager:

Manager: “Can I have your keys, sir?”

Customer: “Why?”

Manager: “Because you’re in the valet lane. You want valet service, yes?”

Customer: “Yeah, but the engine is still running, just take over and drive her to the parking spot. I can go get her when I’m ready to leave.”

Note to those not in the valet world, when you get a customer who refers to their car as a ‘her’, you’re likely about to deal with a tough character.

Manager: “Then you’ll need to go and park yourself too, sir. We only offer full valet service, not half.”

Customer: “But my house keys are on my key chain.”

Manager: “You can separate the keys if that makes you feel better.”

Customer: “Hmm. I don’t want you to have to do that. Fine, let one of your guys valet it, but can I get one of the White ones? Your Mexican guys look like they’ll make a copy of my key and try to steal stuff from my house.”

Manager: “Sir, no offense, but if this is the car you’re driving, you probably shouldn’t worry about us wanting to steal anything from your house.”

Related:
Trust Is Key