Your Prescription Has Gone To The Dogs

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I’m working as a cashier in a pet shop.)

Customer: “Do you guys have prescription [Brand] dog food?”

Me: “I’m really sorry; we can’t carry prescription brand foods as we do not have a vet at this location.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “The [Nearby Location] branch has one. I suppose it was just our company’s idea; I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Well, when are you getting one?! That’s ridiculous. I don’t want to drive out there.”

Me: “I don’t know. That would be up to someone much higher up. I suppose if we get enough business we might?”

Customer: “Well, can I order prescription food to this location?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “Well. I will just double-check. I’m sure you guys have it.” *walks towards the dog food aisle*

Me: *sighs*

Black Turns White To Red

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I need some of the stuff you rub on cast-iron fireplaces to blacken them, which is called fireplace black. I can’t find it on the shelves, so I go to ask the chap working in the section where it ought to be, who happens to have extremely dark skin.)

Me: “Hi there, do you have any fireplace black?”

(The worker says nothing, just stares me right in the eye. There is a long, uncomfortable silence while he makes prolonged eye contact. Finally…)

Worker: *continuing to glare* “The fireplaces are over there, whitey.”

(I was just starting on stumbling out an incredibly embarrassed explanation and apology when he fell about laughing, and to my great relief he turned out to have been winding me up.)

A Penny For Your Stupid Thoughts

, , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I am a manager in the freezer/cooler section of a big box retail company. A woman approaches me with a display model of an electric griddle and the display model’s tag, which lists its price as one cent. I already know this will be trouble.)

Customer: “Is this item really a penny?”

Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. However, that is the non-working display. It has no power cord, and the lid doesn’t open. That tag is for store use, in case we need to order a replacement display.”

Customer: *suddenly screaming and furious* “I don’t understand what you’re saying! I ain’t got no fancy education. I ain’t graduated no f****** high school! That don’t make no f****** sense!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a display, an example, so you can see the product before you buy it. Sometimes they break or get stolen, so we have a tag to order new ones.”

Customer: *still screaming* “Well, that’s f****** stupid! If I want to see the g**d*** griddle I’m going to tear that f****** box open! How can you f****** put things out you don’t sell?! Can I buy this for a penny or f****** not?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not for sale. Even if you buy it, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t do anything.”

(The customer stomps away. I think that will be the end of it, but I hear her a few aisles over, still screaming.)

Customer: “No, they won’t f****** sell it! They’re trying to scam me! They’re a bunch of f****** shysters!”

(About ten minutes later, the whole scene repeated at the checkout when she tried to buy it anyway.)

What A Fudging Idiot

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I work at an ice cream shop that has a special every 31st. This is a conversation I hear between my coworker and a customer.)

Customer: “Do you have [flavor with fudge in it]?”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, we do. Would you like a scoop?”

Customer: “Yes. In a cup.”

Coworker: *scoops ice cream and hands it over to customer* “Will that be all tonight, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Your total will be [total]. Thank you! Have a great night!”

Customer: *walks back, angry now* “Hey! Does this have fudge in it?!”

Coworker: “Well, you asked for [flavor with fudge], correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t know it had fudge in it! I demand a new scoop for free!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry but I can’t give you a new scoop. You have to pay for a new one since it’s so cheap today.”

Customer: *glares and points to the flavor she wants*

Coworker: *finishes transaction* “Have a good evening!”

Bra-ce Yourself For A Weird Conversation

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I work hiring out animals for children to ride. On slow days I spend a lot of time reading, often sitting on said animals, as I don’t have another chair. An older woman approaches me while I am reading.)

Customer: *in a slightly accented voice* “What a good idea!”

Me: “Yeah, the kids love it.”

Customer: “Smart idea, good thinking.” *says something I don’t understand*

Me: *smiles and curses my poor hearing* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “I can’t get a good bra.” *gestures at nearby clothes store*

Me: *smile now frozen* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “I can’t reach behind me because my hand is broken, and they never have ones that button in front.”

Me: *too dumbfounded to figure out way to end this* “That’s too bad.”

Customer: “I can make them do up in front — sew them back together and put buttons in — but they’re never in white. Always with spots. Can’t have spots, not on stage.”

Me: *cursing my life and politeness* “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “Wish they would employ me here.” *gestures at my desk* “Back home they do not; they say, ‘You belong on stage, not working.’ Wonder what would happen if I got on the table and started singing?”

Me: *thinking* “Nothing great.”

Customer: “But I can never find a good bra. No good ones here.”

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