Fear Of The Unknown

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work the front desk and I frequently get calls about inquiries and a list calls wanting to know about our facility. I do not now many details if we can or cannot do certain things.)

Me: “[Retirement Home], this is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to find a place for my mother but it needs to be unknown.”

Me: “Are you asking for information about our facility but you don’t want your mother to know you that you’re inquiring?”

Customer: “Um, not really. I’m trying to find a place where no one knows where my mother is. Do you provide that?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “People try to steal from my mother. Do you provide a service that can prevent that?”

(I have no clue to what she is asking for and whether we can provide those services for her, I decide to “wing it.”)

Me: “I believe that we can provide those services, but I’m not sure what we would call them and everyone in sales is not currently in.”

Customer: “Um, okay, but you do provide those services?”

Me: “I believe we do.”

Customer: “…okay.” *click*


The Moon Is In Need Of A Reboot

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “Where are your books about conspiracies? I’m looking for an author named David Icke.”

Me: *showing him the section* “They’re here, in Cultural Studies.”

Customer: “I love reading about conspiracies. I never watch TV, you know, because it turns off part of your brain.”

(The customer proceeds to describe a number of increasingly unbelievable conspiracy theories.)

Customer: “…and the government built a weather control machine in Alaska, and they’re doing all kinds of crazy things with it. Do you know anything about this author? What does he write about?”

Me: “Well, as I understand it, he claims our reality is an illusion projected by the moon, which is really a computer built by lizard people who rule the world.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know about that lizard people stuff. That seems a little far-fetched.”

(After about an hour of looking through them, he proceeds to buy a stack of David Icke books.)


In Line And Out Of Line, Part 15

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I’m a cashier and there’s a line of about 20 people at the registers. I’m helping my current customer when I see a man out of the corner of my eye. He spots the line, scowls, and then walks to the front of the line and smirkingly steps in front of the woman who is at the front of the line.)

Woman: “HEY!”

Man: *as my current customer walks away* “I’m next!”

(As he starts to walk up to my register, I deliberately look past him and say:)

Me: “Ma’am, I can help you next!”

(He stops, a look of confusion on his face as the woman steps around him.)

Man: “But I was next! What about me?!”

Me: “Sir, I just watched you cut in line. If you want to be helped, you’ll go to the back of the line and be helped when it’s actually your turn.”

(I help the lady get rung up, but I have a feeling about this guy so I keep watching him out of the corner of my eye. As she goes on her way, the guy, who hasn’t budged, steps right up to my register and plunks his books down.)

Man: “I’m. Next. I have a movie that’s going to start in a few minutes.”

Me: “You and everybody else.”

Man: *shoves a $10 bill at me* “Ring me up right now, and you can have this.”

(I then take his books off the counter and set them aside.)

Me: “You’re welcome to dance this dance with me, sir, but before you say another word, consider that there are twenty more people that you just cut in front of. So before I take this ten from you, I suggest you offer ten dollars to every OTHER person you just cut in front of.”

Man: “There’s no way I’m putting out that much money!”

Me: “Then I’m not letting you cut.”

Next Customer In Line: “Hey, a**-hole. We all learned how to wait in line in kindergarten. What’s your excuse?”

(The man snatched up his $10 and stomped to the back of the line.)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12


H2-Slow Service

| USA | Time

(It’s 5:45 pm on a Friday. Due to a civic event I happen to be in City Hall when the main phone line rings and I answer on reflex. Connecting services (e.g. water) is a quick and easy process when given even 24 hours’ notice.)

Me: “[Town] City Hall.”

Female Caller: “Yeah, I need a water hook-up.”

Me: “The city can certainly assist with that during normal business hours. That department opens Monday morning at 8:30 am; feel free to give them a call then or you can leave a message now and request a call-back.”

Female Caller: “No. I need a water hook-up.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but that department is closed for the evening. They closed at 5:00 pm.”

Female Caller: “I’m moving in tonight and need a water hook-up! Transfer me to the water department.”

Me: “Ma’am. No one’s there; it’s 5:45 on a Friday evening.”

Female Caller: “…”

Me: “I’d be happy to take a message and request they call you Monday morning.”

Female Caller: “Why can’t you do it?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Female Caller: “Get over there and hook up my water! I need it TONIGHT!”

Me: “That is really not my department, ma’am. As I said, I’m happy to take a message or you can call again Monday morning. Did you wish to leave a message?”

Female Caller: “I don’t know why the h*** I’m moving to your crappy little town, if this is how you treat your residents! Fine. Take my information. And I’m going to stop in at City Hall to see if I can find anyone when I get there!”

(I took her information, hung up, and left immediately. I really didn’t want to be there if she started pounding on the doors demanding her hook-up. That’s the last time I go anywhere near the phones after five pm!)


Better ‘Watch’ Out

| LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(A woman comes up to the in window.)

Customer: “I’d like to get these filled, please.”

(We are going to close soon, but we aren’t very busy and she’s getting an important medication, so I can get it ready for her if she needs it tonight.)

Me: “Sure thing. Did you want to get this tonight or come back tomorrow?”

Customer: “Oh, I need it tonight. When will it be done?”

Me: “Well, we close at six, so before then!”

Customer: “Oh, you can’t get it ready any sooner…?”

Me: “Uh… It’s 5:45 right now.”

Customer: *in a snippy tone* “Well, how was I supposed to know?! I’m not wearing a watch!”

Page 7/2,948First...56789...Last