Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2020

Me: “Hi, you’re through to [Company] tech support. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My phone won’t turn on.”

Me: “Have you tried charging the phone to see if that will make it come on?”

Customer: “Yes, but nothing happens.”

Me: “Okay, can you just remove the battery from the phone for me?”

Customer: “Battery?”

Me: “Yeah, the battery. Can you remove the back cover and remove the battery?”

Customer: “The battery isn’t in the phone!”

Me: “Err… the phone does need to have its battery inserted in order to work.”

Customer: “Does it? I thought batteries were wireless; phones should work without them!”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 34
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 33
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 32

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Has Never Heard Of The Baker’s Dozen  

, , , | Right | February 20, 2020

(I work at a bakery, and we have a punch card system where after buying twelve loaves of bread, your thirteenth loaf is free.) 

Customer: “I’d like my free loaf today. Get me one [bread type].”

Me: “All right, ma’am.” *goes and gets it from the rack* “Can I see your punch card?”

(She hands me the card. While eleven loaves of bread have been filled out, the twelfth hasn’t.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it looks like you only have eleven loaves filled out on here. This loaf will still be regular price, but if you want to pick out another loaf for free, I’d be happy to get it for you.”

Customer: “But this loaf should be free; it’s my twelfth.”

Me: “Well, the way our punch card works, you buy twelve loaves and we mark it off for you. With the filled-out card, you can either immediately take home a free loaf, or save it until later as a coupon for a free loaf. Do you want your free loaf now or later?”

Customer: *snaps* “NOW!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, which one do you want?”

(She points to the loaf I just gave her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’d be your twelfth loaf. Do you want another [same loaf type] as your free thirteenth loaf?”

Customer:No, I don’t want another one! I want that one for free!”

(My coworker comes over and looks at the card. She apologizes to the woman.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what she’s saying is true. You have to buy twelve loaves before we can give you your free one. The way the card works, you need twelve spaces filled out with purchases before you turn in the card as a coupon for a free one.”

Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is with you people! All I want is this loaf right here for free! It’s my twelfth loaf; it’s free!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s loaf number twelve. After you purchase either that loaf or any other that we are selling, the loaf you purchase after that one will be completely free of charge.”

Customer: “I just want that one for free, though! This is ridiculous!”

(My coworker looked at me, baffled, and we both tried to explain to her that only the thirteenth loaf was free. She still didn’t seem to understand the concept, angrily paid for her twelfth loaf, snapped at me to get her another, and stormed out. We laughed about it with my manager later.)

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The Entitlement Alarms Are Blaring

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2020

(Incidents do happen in restaurants, and when they do, sometimes the most irritating part is not the incident itself, but those customers who demand free stuff because of it. One night, the fire alarm in the restaurant goes off for no reason, and it takes nearly fifteen minutes to get it to shut off. Once it does, other noise is just getting started:)

Customer #1: “Are we finally gonna have some quiet in here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, sorry about the noise; the fire alarm went crazy for a while there.”

Customer #1: “So… where’s our free ice cream?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer #1: “We all done endured all this noise, so we deserve free ice cream!”

(Soon other customers hear what’s going on.)

Customer #2: *pounding on the table* “I want ice cream! I want ice cream!”

(Finally, my manager explains to them that they can have ice cream if they pay for it, but the situation really isn’t one in which we owe them anything.)

Customer #1: “I could have just got up and left, but no! I sat here all this time and what do I get for it? Jack s***!” *leaves*

([Customer #2] just left, mumbling to herself. At least then we had some real quiet.)

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Speaking English Doesn’t Mean You Have To Be Polite With It

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2020

(My friend is working as a bank teller in a branch of a major Arabic bank in the middle of Sydney. She was hired for being bilingual; both of her parents are of Palestinian descent, although all three of them now have Australian citizenship. My friend is a Christian and doesn’t wear any kind of headscarf, but she still looks very Arabic. An elderly, Caucasian lady walks into the middle of the branch and stands there, looking confused. My friend walks up to her and politely asks in English:)

Teller: “Is everything all right? May I help you with something today, ma’am?”

Elderly Lady: *visibly relieved* “Oh, thank goodness! And you speak excellent English, too!”

Teller: “Well, thank you, and so do you.”

Elderly Lady: “Oh, but I was born here!”

Teller: “Oh, so was I.”

Elderly Lady: “Oh, I mean, my parents were Australian.”

Teller: “Yes, and so are mine.”

Elderly Lady: *flustered again* “Oh, you foreign types, coming here to take our jobs and then you speak to me like this! All you want from this country is to buy up our businesses and get rich!”

(My poor friend managed to grit her teeth and deal with this bigoted old bat, and it turns out that she had hundreds of thousands of dollars invested… in Arabic-speaking companies overseas, of course.)

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Their Ordering Process Is Fishy

, , , | Right | February 20, 2020

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am, may I take your order?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have the fil-f-fileh—”

Me: “You mean the filet of fish?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

(We go through the whole ordering procedure, and the second I’ve stored the order and given her a receipt…)

Customer: “You made it double filet, right?”

Me: “Well, you ordered a single filet, ma’am. Did you want a double?”

Customer: “Um, yes.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: *a bit irked now, but whatever* “All right, then.”

(We do the whole process over, and I give her her bag of food. She just looks into it suspiciously.)

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Shouldn’t there be fries and a drink with this?”

Me: “Well, you ordered the sandwich by itself. Fries and a drink come with the combo. If you want, I can ring you up for some—”

Customer: “Why should I pay extra? I wanted the combo all along! God!

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