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Woof, That Joke Is Ruff

, , , , , , , | Learning | June 14, 2021

My dad taught our childhood dog commands in both English and Spanish. For example, “sit” and “toma asiento” would both get her to sit down. In first grade, we had a pet show and students could bring in either a live animal or a stuffed one. I proudly showed off my dog and her tricks.

Me: “Sit.”

She sat and then got back up.

Me: “Toma asiento.”

She sat again.

Teacher: “Wow, your dog speaks Spanish!”

Me: *Incredulous* “What? No, she only barks.”

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Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 14, 2021

I work in a rather small coffee shop, but we have a pretty big menu. We have two menu boards: one for hot drinks and one for cold. I come back from break and a gentleman is looking at the hot drinks menu. Once he sees me take over for my coworker, he waves me over.

Customer: “At [Major Coffee Chain], they sell, like, a triple mocha something. Do you have anything close to that?”

I must have a confused look on my face, and before I can answer…

Customer: “You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you? God. Just give me [Specialty Latte]. I guess that will have to do. NO ESPRESSO!”

Instead of ringing him up for a latte, I ring him up for a hot chocolate with an extra flavor, since it’s cheaper without the espresso. He pays and watches me make it, and when I hand it to him, he gives me a dirty look.

Customer: “Is this drink hot?”

Me: “Yes, sir, [Specialty] is a latte that we serve hot.”

Customer: “I wanted a frozen drink! That’s what they serve me at [Major Coffee Chain]. This is supposed to be frozen. Do you even know how to do your job?”

Me: “Sir, you asked for a latte. Lattes are served hot. I think you were thinking about a frappe.”

Customer: “Frappes have espresso in them! I DON’T WANT ESPRESSO. Make me a frozen [Specialty Latte] with NO ESPRESSO!”

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself

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Signs Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2021

The chain I work at is set up so you order your food first and then have it prepared at the other end of the counter. This setup becomes even more apparent when there’s a rush and you can see people line up to order and then move to pick up their food.

It’s a rush and I’m preparing the orders, calling them out as they’re ready. I’m at the farthest possible point from the cash registers, and again, the line is obviously moving from the register toward my station.

I call out an order, and as the person steps up to collect it, a woman pushes through them. 

Customer: “Why haven’t you taken my order yet?! I’ve been standing here for fifteen minutes and you keep serving everyone before me!”

Me: “What was your order? I can check to see how much longer it’ll take.”

Customer: “You haven’t even taken it yet! I can’t believe you’ve been ignoring me for this long!”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, but the line starts back there.”

I point to the queue of people stretching all the way to our door.

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait behind all of them! They came in after me. Why are you serving them first?”

Me: “I can’t take your order here. You have to wait in line. I’m sorry but I can’t let you go ahead of everyone else. They’ve been in line waiting.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You don’t have anything to tell me where to order. There are no signs! How was I supposed to know?”

In order for her to get to my station, she had to walk right past the entire line at the cash and past everyone waiting at the pickup area. I guess some people are so entitled they’re oblivious to the world around them.

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Distance Is The Strongest Concealer

, , , | Right | June 14, 2021

I work at a makeup store.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store, Location], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “Hello, I wear the [Brand] concealer in the shade ‘Honey,’ and I’ve gotten tan, so I need to know what color I’d be now.”

Me: “I’d have to see you to be able to color-match you.”

Client: “Oh, so I have to come into the store?”

Me: “Yes.”

I don’t think she ever came in.

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The Reasons Keep Piling Up

, , , | Right | June 13, 2021

I’m standing at the end of my register, as we’re supposed to do when we don’t have customers. A man approaches.

Me: “Hi, there. Ready to check out?”

I gesture toward my register.

Customer: “Yup.”

He unloads his groceries and pulls his phone from his pocket to show me.

Customer: “I just got my first smartphone. How cool are they?”

Me: *Smiling* “They are pretty cool.”

Customer: “Hey, what’s your last name?”

The cashier at the register behind him turns and gives me a “WTF?” look.

Me: *Pauses* “Why?”

Customer: “I want to add you on Facebook.”

Me: “Um, I don’t have one.”

Customer: “Seriously?”

I give a small, uncomfortable laugh.

Me: “Seriously.”

Customer: “How is that possible?”

Me: “I don’t want one.”

Customer: “Why? What are you hiding?”

Me: “If I told you that, it would defeat the purpose of not having one, now, wouldn’t it?”

Customer: “Oh. I guess so.”

The rest of the transaction is silent. When the man is out of earshot, the cashier at the next register shakes her head.

Cashier: “What a creepy little weirdo.”

Me: “And that’s another reason I don’t have a Facebook.”

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