That Joke Is More Than A Little Rough Around The Edges

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2017

(I work at a fast food coffee chain in Canada. Our coffee chain has gift cards that you can reload and swipe to pay. A customer is having trouble getting his to register, and on the third try, he yanks it roughly and it reads the card.)

Me: “Oh, hey! There you go; you got it!”

Customer: “Yep. It’s like a woman, you gotta be rough with it.”

Me: *long, stunned pause*

Customer: “Haha, just kidding!”

(My coworker and I are both women.)

Calling On The Spider Phone

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2017

(The shopping plaza our store is in also has a pet store. Because of this, the manager allows customers to bring in their pets. It’s an otherwise boring afternoon when I get this call…)

Me: “Kitchens.”

Caller: *sounds like a grade-school age kid* “Um, hello, I was in your store earlier and I, um, I think I lost my pet tarantula in your department.”

Me: “Pet… tarantula?”

Caller: “Yes, I bought him from the pet store, and he crawled out of his cage in your store.”

(I decide to play along. That pet store doesn’t carry tarantulas.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll look for him. Can I have your number so I can call you back when I find him?”

Caller: *panics* “No, I don’t want him anymore!”

Me: “Oooh, then can I keep him? I’ve always wanted a pet tarantula.”

Caller: *click*

Common Sense Was Cancelled Today

, , | Right | September 19, 2017

(I’m the idiotic customer here. My only excuse is that this is my first time using debit.)

Employee: “Okay, so that’s $8.59. Please insert chip or swipe card.”

Me: *swipes card upside down*

Employee: “Um, other way, miss.”

Me: “Okay.” *swipes card backwards*

Employee: “Strip facing the machine, please.”

Me: “Really sorry.” *swipes correctly*

Employee: “Okay, now choose which account, and put in your PIN. Then hit ‘confirm.’”

Me: *does steps, hits cancel transaction*

Me: “I am so sorry. I have no idea why I did that.”

Employee: *trying to contain laughter* “It’s okay, just try again.”

Me: *finishes order, leaves mortified*

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Argue

, , | Right | September 19, 2017

(Every once in a while, we get an item that has the incorrect price tag on it. It’s store policy to honor it, but we still need to check with our managers.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], this is ringing up at $12 but has a $5 tag.”

Manager: “Okay, you can just honor it.”

Customer: “Well, why don’t you do it?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I just said to honor it.”

Customer: “Yeah, but why wouldn’t you?”

Manager: “We’re giving it to you at the discounted price.”

Customer: “Okay, but why would it be an issue?”

Manager: “Ma’am, just…” *at this point my manager just turns away and ignores the customer*

(After the customer leaves:)

Me: “Well, she was a bit rude.”

Manager: “I hate people like that. Why does it matter that you have to ask if I’m giving her the discount anyway? She just wanted to start an argument.”

About To Get A Cash-Back Attack

, , , | Right | September 19, 2017

(I’m running the self-checkout service. Keep in mind that payment type is selected by the customer and not by me.)

Customer: “It didn’t let me get cash back! It just skipped right by it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You must have accidentally chosen credit. If you need cash back, you can get something small like a pack of gum and run your card again. Would you sign here please?”

Customer: “No! I don’t have a credit card!”

Me: “I still need you to sign here please.”

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card! Why do I have to sign?”

Me: “The system requires that I get your signature.”

Customer: “But I don’t have a credit card! Is it going to charge me twice?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it won’t. Please sign here.”

(She finally signs and I think it’s over, but after she places her bags into her cart, she turns back to me.)

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card! That is not customer service! That is not customer service! I should never have come here! That is not customer service!”

(She stormed away, but had to turn around because her car was in the other direction. I’m still not sure how her mistake had anything to do with my customer service.)

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