This Is How Diabetes Works, So Okay!

| UK | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I am serving two women who have come into the restaurant for lunch. I am taking their order.)

Customer: “Yes, and could you be extra careful with my meal? I’m diabetic, you see.”

Me: “Of course. Just to let you know, we do offer diabetic friendly meals. They had a ‘D’ next to them on the menu—”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. I think I know a little more about diabetes than an idiot-child like yourself who’s probably just left school.”

Me: “Actually, I’m at university, but the reason I say this to you is because I myself suffer from diabetes, and in fact fought for the identification you see on the menu.”

Customer: “You’re diabetic?”

Me: “Yes, miss.”

Customer: “Oh, well. Thank you.”

(She says nothing else so I head for the kitchen; however, I look back before I actually go in and notice the woman dragging her friend out of the door. I don’t understand what happened but ultimately forget about it until a couple of hours later, when her friend comes back in.)

Friend: “Hi, sorry. I’m not sure if you remember me. I was in before with my friend who said she was—” *with air quotes* “—diabetic?”

Me: “Yes, I remember. I saw you leave. I hope it wasn’t anything I said.”

Friend: “Oh, no. It’s just, and I don’t know how to say this kindly: my friend isn’t diabetic.”

Me: “Really?”

Friend: “Yes, she just admitted it. I’ve spent the last month panicking whenever she took a tumble, ‘cause she said ‘attacks’ were common with diabetes. She’s been lying this whole time for special attention. I think she panicked when you said you were, too, and had to come clean.”

Me: “I see.”

Friend: “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “No, it’s all right. It’s just, wow…”

Friend: “She kept saying she had the ‘bad’ kind whenever I asked. I know there’s different kinds, but I didn’t understand what she meant.”

Me: “I don’t know either. There are two kinds, Type 1 and 2, but both have advantages over the other. I have Type 2 and it’s diet controlled, so my body produces insulin, just not enough. I can’t eat anything I want because it would put my glucose up too high for too long. Type 1 is where your body destroys the part of you that makes insulin, so it needs to be delivered a different way, usually injections. Technically you can eat anything you want, as long as you counter it. The drawback is that if it isn’t properly controlled, the damage can be more severe. You’re also more at risk of attacks like your friend said, where your glucose drops below what is needed to function, so you shut down. I’m not at risk of that because I only use the insulin my body makes.”

Friend: *going pale* “Oh, my god. That sounds really serious.”

Me: “It is, but easily manageable. People used to die from it, but now millions of diabetics live normal lives.”

Friend: “I just can’t understand why she would lie like this, with something like that! And I’m so stupid; I just believed her.”

Me: “You aren’t stupid. A lot of people don’t take the time to understand it so there’s a lot of ignorance.”

Friend: “Oh, thank you, and again, I’m sorry. I felt you deserved to know.”

(She left, but I was a bit shaken by the revelation. It was the first time I had ever encountered someone who lied about having diabetes, and hopefully my last.)

Not How Diabetes Works But Okay

Should Have Parked That Thought

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Transportation

(I live in the busiest part of center city where there is zero free parking. I am walking home one day after running errands. I am approaching a woman in tears, screaming at a parking attendant that had her car towed. I stick around to listen…)

Lady: *screaming* “You have no right to move my car. That is against the law!”

Parking Attendant: “Ma’am, your car has been parked here for two days. You accumulated four separate tickets, over the two days. You abandoned your car during that time, so I had no choice but to tow it.”

Lady: “I don’t care! You have no right to move my car without my permission! I am going to sue the s*** out of your company! You are going to be fired!”

Parking Attendant: “Ma’am, this is a very popular tourist part of the city. You parked your car on the street in front of a meter and abandoned it. With all due respect, you have no right to abandon your car on a busy street, preventing other visitors from parking that is already very limited.”

Lady: “F*** you! I’ve been busy! I’ll see you in court!” *walks off*

(I really don’t understand how someone can leave their car parked in front of a two-hour parking meter and leave it for two days.)

Stayaway From Layaway

| Terre Haute, IN, USA | Money

(I work in the layaway department at a superstore. Late one evening, I’m cleaning the counter and a coworker from the electronics department shows up with three PS4s and tells me some customers are coming to put them in layaway. About twenty minutes after he leaves, three college guys walk up to the counter and tell me they’re putting the PS4s on layaway, but they have a question first.)

Guy #1: “I have a question about the layaway.”

Me: “Okay, what is it?”

Guy #1: “How much do we have to pay on these to take them home today?”

Me: “The full amount.”

Guy #2: “So, if we pay $30…”

Me: “…they stay here in the store until you pay the remaining balance. We keep them locked up, so I can assure you they’ll be safe.”

Guy #3: *to the two others* “Man, that girl in electronics said we could pay the $30 and take them home!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that isn’t how layaway works. You pay ten percent of the total cost and we store them for you. Once you pay them off, you can take them home.”

Guy #1: “So you don’t have like a payment plan or…?”

Me: “No. You can make payments as often as you like, but like I said, you can’t take them home until the full price has been paid.”

Guy #2: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that’s stealing.”

Guy #3: “So you’re saying we should get them at [Video Game Chain] for less?”

(At this point I’ve realized that there isn’t much going on in these guys’ heads, but I still attempt to explain that layaway allows you to spread out payments as opposed to paying a huge chunk of change all at once. Throughout my explanation they’ve been giving me blank stares.)

Guy #1: “All right, we’re just gonna go to [Video Game Chain].”

Me: “Okay, then. Have a good night.”

Guy #3: *as they’re leaving the layaway department* “I wonder how much [Video Game Chain] will charge us to take them home tonight…”

Me: *head-desk*

The Wrong Color And Attitude

| Emeryville, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work at a well-known company that sells cosmetics, skincare, fragrance, and hair products. This takes place at cash wrap. The client has a new canister of colored hairspray in hand, and had just dumped out a bag of trash — receipts, used tissues, used sponges, and a used hairspray canister — onto my counter.)

Client: “I’m exchanging this root concealer for that one there.”

Me: “Sure thing. Was there something wrong with the product?”

Client: “It was the wrong color! It’s black! I’ve spent forty thousand dollars on this same f****** color for years and I only found out today they have it in light brown! Why have you people never told me it comes in light brown?!”

Me: “Well, we do have testers so you can check the color… but I’m happy to exchange it for you. May I see the old canister?” *I test the nozzle* “Ma’am, this canister is empty…”

Client: “It was the wrong f****** color! I had to rub it into my head and mix it with foundation powder to get it to the right color!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but if it was the wrong color when you first got the product, you could have brought it back to us before using the entire canister. You’re asking me to give you a free can of root concealer so we can recycle your old can for you.”

Client: “But I’ve spent forty thousand dollars on this same f****** color!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me try this another way: would you ever go to a deli, pick up a pre-wrapped and clearly labelled turkey sandwich, eat the entire sandwich, then bring the empty wrapper to the guy at the counter and demand a new sandwich and a refund because you’d rather have chicken?”

Client: “Who would do that?! That’d be ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry… but I can’t exchange your empty canister for a new one.”

Client: “But it was the wrong f****** color!”

(This went on for a good ten minutes. She left muttering “Forty thousand dollars!” with all of her trash still on my counter.)

The Difference Between Hard And Soft Reading Habits

| Dallas, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at a bookstore where we regularly receive phone calls at the information desk for books to be put on hold. We usually ask for the title and go locate whatever copies we have and then call the customer back. This teenage-sounding boy has asked for a book that’s on many high school reading lists and I have gone and gotten the hardback and paperback versions and am calling back to see which he would prefer:)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [My Name] calling you back from [Store]. I was able to locate a hardback and paperback of Lord of the Flies and was wondering which you would like to be put on hold?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The paperback is only 1.50 but the larger hardback, which would leave you more room to write in, if this is for a class, is 5.00.”

Customer: “And when you say paperback, what do you mean?”

Me: “Um… it has a paper cover rather than a hard one and is a smaller version of the book.”

Customer: “So, like, it doesn’t have an actual cover?”

Me: “No, it does. It just happens to be a paper cover rather than a hardback.”

Customer: “So, is it like plastic?”

(This goes on for quite a while, while I attempt to come up with different ways to describe a paperback, which is harder to do than you think. Finally he says—)

Customer: “Okay, just forget it. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I mean, the paperback is only 1.50.”

Customer: “I’m just not getting what you’re trying to tell me.”

Me: “How about I just put them both on hold and you can come look yourself?”

Customer: “Great!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could have been there when he saw what we were debating over.)

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