Awesome Customers Do Exist

, , , | Right | November 22, 2007

8:55 pm: I’m guarding the door at work, waiting for the last couple of customers to finish up and get the heck out. They are going kinda slow, but I can’t kick them out because they were in the store before we close.

9:05 pm: They finally got what movies they wanted and are just about to pay when another guy tries to come in.

Late Customer: “Hold on, please! I just need to get one thing!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s past 9 pm. These are the last customers for the night.”

Late Customer: “But all I want to get is a PS2. Why can’t you get it for me?”

Me: “Because you came in after 9, we want to close up.”

Late Customer: “But they are getting stuff.”

Me: “They were in here before 9.”

Late Customer: “So you aren’t gonna help me? I wanna speak to your manager! Are you the manager?”

(This is the fun part, one of the women buying stuff chimes in:)

Woman Customer: “Yeah, I’m the manager and we need to get the heck out of here to go home! You should have gotten here earlier!”

Late Customer: *Flabbergasted* “Wha? Well… YOU LOST A SALE!” *storms out*

Manager: *the real one* “…Wow. Thank you very much!”

Me: “Ditto! Thanks a lot and have a wonderful night!”

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Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)

Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, , | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smart-a**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream… with caramel… and cashews.”

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A Lost Cause

, , | Right | November 21, 2007

(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)

Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven-gallon tank?”

Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”

Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”

Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”

Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”

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Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | Right | November 20, 2007

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see. I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

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