With Great Pizza Comes Great Responsibility

, , , | Right | December 30, 2007

(A hospital calls to order pizza.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], would you like to try the Superhero Special?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Manager: “It’s an extra-large, three-topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”

Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”


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Instructions Are Your Friends

, , | Right | December 29, 2007

(Referring to the payment terminal)

Customer: “It’s not working. What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “It says, ‘Please slide card again’.”

Me: “Well, then slide your card again.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(She slides her card. It works.)

Customer: “Hey it worked!”

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Perhaps A Little Bit Too Free

, , , | Right | December 29, 2007

(A woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”

Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”

Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”

Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*

(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)

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It’s All About The Babies

, , , | Right | December 28, 2007

Me: “…ma’am, I’m sorry, but unless you had insurance during that time, you will have to pay for the insurance we purchased for you.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you people are demanding we PAY for this s***! And the electric company wants money, too! How am I supposed to take care of my babies when all of you are demanding money for stuff?! WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?”

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Kill Them With Kindness

, | Right | December 27, 2007

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How can I help?”

Customer: *very irate* “Yeah! I didn’t pay my Internet bill and now it’s saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account, and you would like to know why?”

Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

Me: “All right, let me take a look here… My system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f****** sympathy here! Are you customer service?”

Me: “I’m tech support.”

Customer: “Where is customer service at?!”

Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues. I’ll transfer you down to them.”

Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole; you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

Me: *in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up* “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

Customer: “WHAT’S YOUR F****** NA–” *click*

(Gotta love that transfer button…)

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