An Unfortunate Choice Of Words

| Right | April 6, 2008

(I worked for a large Internet service provider; customers are set up with an email address of their choice, over the phone. Someone obviously misheard her.)

Me: “Thank you for calling high speed internet technical support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t get my email.”

Me: “I should be able to help with that … let me pull up your information and I will see what I can do for you.”

Customer: “My email address is [email protected]***.***.”

(I pull up the customer’s info.)

Me: “I see here that your email address is … [email protected]***.***.”

Customer: “WHAT! That’s not my email address! I demand it be changed now!”

Me: *having entirely too much fun with policy* “Oh I can do that for you, ma’am, but if I do the email address SweatyTitties will be unavailable for 30 days. Are you sure you don’t want SweatyTitties?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want SweatyTitties!”

Me: “Okay, so I will delete SweatyTitties off your account and replace it with SweetyPetty.”

(At this point, the other tech support people around me are laughing.)

Customer: “YES, YES please get rid of SweatyTitties!”

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The Land Of Maple Leafed Savages

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

Me: “[Company] technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

Me: “Nope… just got radio, in fact, I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

Supervisor: *monitoring calls* “You can’t be serious.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Methinks Thou Hast A Stick Up Thine Arse

| Right | April 5, 2008

(I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…)

Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?”

Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ’em back.”

Customer: *very angry* “You’d god-d*** better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!”

Me: “That was a joke …”

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Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

, | Right | April 5, 2008

(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

(A co-worker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 2

| Right | April 4, 2008

(I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.)

Customer: “Do you have any specials today?”

Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.”

Customer: “Do I have to get four?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.”

Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.”

(The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.)

Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.”

Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.”

Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.”

Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?”

Me: *prints a receipt*

Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!”

(I take out a calculator and does the math. It comes out to $11.96.)

Customer: “Oh…I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves*

 

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