There’s Dumb, And Then There’s Scary Dumb

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2007

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like to buy tickets for Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party.”

Me: “Wonderful. When will you be attending?”

Woman: “Tonight.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we actually have sold out for tonight’s event.”

Woman: “Oh, okay. I’ll just get tickets when I get to the park.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; we don’t have any tickets at all left. You won’t be able to purchase them at the park.”

Woman: “Right, you’re just sold out of advance tickets. That’s okay; I’ll just get them there.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we are sold out of ALL tickets. That means there are NONE available when you get there.”

Woman: “But I can still go, right? I just won’t have a ticket?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t attend Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party without a ticket, and we do not have any tickets available.”

Woman: “Fine, I’ll get my tickets when I get to the park.”

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Lesson 1: How To Scam A Scammer

, , | Right | October 31, 2007

Customer: “I want this pizza for free.”

Me: “No cash, no pizza. I don’t care if you don’t eat or not.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of [Store] Pizza!”

Me: “Really? How do you know me?”

(Customer put his hand in his pocket and paid for the pizza. Note: I’m not really the owner of the store.)

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He Who Warps The Fabric Of Space

, , , | Right | October 31, 2007

Customer: “I’m looking for the Boston Zagat Restaurant guide, do you have a local interest section that would have it?”

Me: “No. Boston isn’t local. The restaurant guide would be with the rest of the Boston travel books.”

Customer: “Well there aren’t any on the shelf.”

Me: “We must be out of stock. I could order it for you.”

Customer: “No. Well, are there any local stores around here that would have it?”

Me: “Boston is not local. Maybe you should wait until you go to Boston and buy it there.”

Customer: “Good idea.”

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The Lady Doth Go For Broke, Methinks

, | Right | October 30, 2007

(A lady enters the store and gives me a raincheck that expired long ago.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, this raincheck expired 90 days after you received it.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

(I point to where it does, in fact, say that.)

Customer: *completely seriously* “That wasn’t there before.”

(I hand the raincheck back.)

Me: “Would you still like to buy this product?”

Customer: “Yes, I have this raincheck for buy one, get one free.”

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Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

, , | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”

Me: “Okay…”

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