Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about 15 minutes asking every employee where to find the 9 inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a 10-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a 9-inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12, and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought 9-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the 10-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”

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A Mother’s Love

, , | Right | May 11, 2008

(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”

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Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

, , | Right | May 10, 2008

(Talking to a female customer…)

Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

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Sheet Happens

| Right | May 10, 2008

(Customer calls our department.)

Me: “Bath and Bedding Department…”

Customer: “Yes, do you guys carry sheets?”

Me: “Yes we do.”

Customer: “Do you carry king-sized sheets?”

Me: “Yes we do.”

Customer: “Do you have a lot of sheets?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have a wide variety of sheets.”

Customer: “Good. I need you to put on hold for me a green set. Then again, put on hold a rose color too. Oh, and ivory and white. And some navy. I’ll be in to pick out what I want.”

Me: “But what kind of sheets? We have several brands and thread counts to choose from…”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: *gives her my name*

Customer: “Okay, I am going to come into your store and find you! Just be sure to get me those colors. I’ll be there in an hour!” *hangs up*

(Of course, she never showed up.)

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Glad To Be Of Service

| Right | May 10, 2008

(Via Live Messenger Service.)

CLIENT: I want DDR3 memory

ME: I don’t think you should get DDR3 memory yet because the price doesn’t warrant the slight increase in speed yet, and it is bottlenecked by your CPU

CLIENT: But it is fast!

ME: Yes but your CPU is not fast enough and by the time CPUs with a proper so-called FSB are on the mainstream market DDR3 will be much cheaper

CLIENT: But it is fast!

ME: indeed sir, it is, but you won’t notice the different with DDR2 in your setup

CLIENT: BUT IT IS FAST!

ME: quick, read this:

http://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-is-the-mother…

CLIENT: lol what an idiot

ME: yes, well that’s how much sense you are making to me right now

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