It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2008

(I am teaching a guy in his sixties or so how to use the Internet.)

Customer: “So… I can search for… anything?

Me: “Anything.”

Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

Me: “Yup.”

(We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari,’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

(The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

(Enjoy your p*rn, Gary.)

1 Thumbs
4,895

On The Need For Male Role Models

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

(While standing in line for the bathroom at a resort, I overhear two young boys talking.)

Boy #1: “Why are the lines for the girl’s bathroom always longer? Is it because the boy’s bathroom has that special sink?”

Boy #2: “You mean the urinal?”

Boy #1: “Yeah. ‘Cause you can fit like five guys around it.”

Boy #2: “Or, if they’re skinny, you can fit seven or eight.”

Boy #1: “And if they’re FAT you can only fit two.”

1 Thumbs
1,937

Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2

, | Right | September 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, this is Alyssa. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”

Me: “Oh? Were they rude to you in anyway?”

Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”

Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”

 

1 Thumbs
1,493

Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
6,931

It’s Always The One You Least Suspect

| Right | September 6, 2008

(My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.)

Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride, sweetie?”

Kid: *points at me*

Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!”

Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than welcome to play in the other areas.”

Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!”

Me: “No, sorry. I measure every child and he made the minimum height.”

Mom: “That’s ridiculous. Can’t my son go just once? He’s waited all day to play over here.”

Me: “No, sorry…”

Mom: “You’re just a prude.”

Me: “I probably get more than you do.”

Mom: *jaw drops*

1 Thumbs
5,350