Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2008

Me: *notices customer walking into the store* “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for $10.”

Me: “Actually, that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVDs at?!”

Me: “My job…”

Customer: “How about if I give you $5?”

Me: “…sure.”

(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the customer’s money. With the additional five dollars, this adds up to the normal retail price so there’s been no savings.)

Me: “Have a happy holiday.”

Customer: *winks at me*

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Always Right, Even When At The Wrong Store

, | Right | April 8, 2008

(I work in a motor factor (in America, an auto parts/accessories shop) which is on the same estate as a car workshop. Outside there is a huge sign for the workshop stating the things that they do e.g. brakes, exhausts, MOT testing etc.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book my car in for a five point service.”

(Now, we do various easy-peasy checks e.g. oil, water, and we fit batteries, bulbs, radios etc, so often customers are often confused as to exactly what we do and do not do.)

Me: “You mean the five point check? Just pull your car into the bay outside and I’ll be out in a minute.”

Customer: “No, NO, I meant the service you have advertised outside! New brakes, oil change!”

Me: “I think you’re confusing us with the garage next door. We’re just a motor factor.”

Customer: “But you’ve got a sign outside!”

Me: “Let’s have a look then…”

(We look and the sign is for the garage next door, not our motor factor. I point out that our building has a completely different name outside it.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising! Why can’t you do it?! I demand that I get a free service for the inconvenience you have caused me!”

Me: “Sorry mate, we’re just a motor factor. I’d happily service my own car, but I’m not a mechanic, I’m a history student. If you’d like the five-point service, try the building with the same name as on the sign.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want YOU–” *stabs me in the chest with his finger* “–to service my car right now!”

Me: “Okay, if you just follow me, and talk to that gentleman there–” *points at garage owner* “–I can service your car straight away.”

Customer: *walks off swearing*

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Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein

| Right | April 8, 2008

(I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)

Old Man: “You’re working again?”

Me: “Yes, every day.”

Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”

Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”

Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”

Me: “…”

(He got a wide berth after that.)

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Urine Way Over Your Head

| Right | April 8, 2008

(I was in the ladies room during a shift, wearing a skirt. This is key.)

Woman, in stall next to mine: “You’re not wearing any pants!”

(I ignore her, thinking she’s on the phone.)

Woman: *starts banging on the wall between us* “You’re not wearing any pants!”

Me: “…I’m…sorry?”

Woman: “You! You’re not wearing any pants!” *bangs some more*

Me: “And you know this how?”

Woman: “I can see your legs! They’re bare! You’re not wearing any pants!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m wearing a *skirt*.”

(The woman stops banging on the wall, and is completely silent. I never got to know what she thought of a woman wearing a skirt.)

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Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

, , , | Right | April 8, 2008

(A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…)

Woman: “I need some tickets!”

Me: “What show?”

Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.”

Me: “Which one?”

Woman: “The concert.”

Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on. Which one do you want to see?”

Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.”

Me: “Who’s playing?”

Woman: “A bunch of people… I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “When?”

Woman: “No. Why can’t you find my tickets?!”

Me: “I need something to go on.”

Woman: “It’s a concert!”

Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.”

(She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.)

Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?”

(The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is, and on what day.)

Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “We need two tickets… TOGETHER!”

Me: *looking at the dude* “Are you sure?”

(He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.)

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