Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

, , | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”

Me: “Okay…”

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Monday Monday

, , | Right | October 29, 2007

Hotel Guest: “Do you have rooms available on Monday?”

Me: “What date?”

Guest: “Monday!”

Me: “No, what date?”

Guest: (In an, aren’t you f**king psychic tone) “Jeez, the 11th.”

Me: “Of what month?”

Guest: “MONDAY!”

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Gadgets & Morals Make Strange Bedfellows

, , , | Right | October 29, 2007

The customer needs help adding his music into his iTunes library. I show him how, and this happens:

Customer: “Uggghhh!”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll be honest. It’s adding my p*rn.”

Me: *silence* “Oh…”

Customer: “Please make it stop! I don’t want p*rn on my iPod!”

Me: “Click the little X near the top.”

Customer: “Okay, it stopped.”

Me: “Try adding the My Music folder again.”

Customer: “It’s doing it again! Oh, God!”

Me: “Okay, uh… let’s just move it from your My Music folder to a new folder in My Documents.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.”

(A few seconds of silence pass while he moves the files)

Customer: “Oh, man. It’s gonna take 24 minutes for all the files to move.”

Me: “Twenty-four minutes? Are you sure?!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I show him how to do some other unrelated action while the p*rn is moved)

Customer: “All right, great. Now that we’re done concealing my shame….”

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Signs Point To Yes

, , | Right | October 29, 2007

Sandwich Shop Worker: “Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(Sandwich shop worker stares)

Customer: “Oops! I mean. Um… mayonnaise.”

Sandwich Shop Worker: “How would you like to pay? Cash or credit?”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Sandwich shop worker stares some more)

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Who Needs Math When You Can Sue

, | Right | October 28, 2007

Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza: half pepperoni, half sausage… and half plain.”

Me: “Lady, there’s only two halves in a whole.”

Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”

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